Helping ESE Students Make New and Better Friends with the 'Top of the Middle' Program & Center Academy Prep!

At times, making new and better friends can be an awkward, difficult and confusing process for many students...especially ESE students. During my last visit to Center Academy Prep., my 5th-7th-grade mainstreamed ESE (autistic, Asperger's, ADHD and learning disabled) students and I explored making new and better friends, and what qualities they should look for in the people with whom they want to establish friendships.

One-by-one, each student offered up a 'good' friendship quality to add to the list (i.e. kind, compassionate, loyal, trustworthy, reliable, helpful, loving, good listener, etc.), which numbered well over 20 qualities by the time we were through. We all wrote them down, so that each student would have a permanent reminder of the kind of qualities they should look for in a prospective friend...and personally contribute to that friendship in order for it to be solid and lasting.

We then had a Q&A session about the process of making friends, the types of difficulties some students were experiencing with existing friends, and how to resolve them. I was extremely pleased at how frankly and openly the students spoke about their difficulties in making friends. For instance, some students explained that they were extremely shy in social situations. Other students explained that their peers didn't understand their autism, and the ways in which it impacts them socially. Still others wanted to know the best places to meet prospective friends, and how to approach them.

Next, I explained to my students that even if they possessed all of the 'good' qualities on that list, they can't be all things to all people, nor friends with every kid they'd like to befriend. I also cautioned my students that some kids just won't connect with them on a friendly level for any one of a number of reasons that, in most cases, has absolutely nothing to do with my students. I added that if other kids ignore their attempt at friendship, or respond in a negative, threatening, disrespectful or similar way, they're really conveying that they simply do not want to be friends, period. At that point, it's better just move on and try to make friends with someone else.

Finally, and most importantly, I reminded all students that they should never change the great people they are in an attempt to make friends, as no friend is worth doing that. Rather, they should just be themselves, connect with other kids that appreciate them just the way they are, and share similar qualities and interests.

What a wonderful and enlightening experience this was for my students...and me! I never fail to learn something new each and every time I walk through the threshold of a classroom, and this presentation was no exception! I was especially pleased, and impressed, at how remarkably intuitive, intelligent and candid these students are...just amazing!

Many thanks again to Principal and Director Barbara Cooper, a great teacher, Ms. Naila Syed, and, of course, my wonderful students for yet another truly rewarding experience at Center Academy Prep!

The 'Top of the Middle' Program is an in-school social, emotional and academic program that I originally created for my son, and currently conduct on behalf of mainstreamed ESE (autistic, Asperger's, ADHD and learning disabled), at-risk, under-performing, and general education students. Since its inception in 2011, the program has successfully combined goal-setting, mentoring, motivation, instruction, personal, social and emotional development, and studying and time management skills to help empower students with the ability to:

Improve their grades.

Improve their in-class behavior and participation.

Improve their relationships with friends, family and teachers.

Enhance their self-respect and respect for others.

Express gratitude for the people and things they cherish most. 

Set and achieve goals. 

Establish positive role models.

Become independent, critical thinkers.

Make sound decisions regarding their most vital pre-teen and teen issues.

Become more self-aware and accountable for their actions.

Take control of their lives and future.

Identify, accept and overcome the effects of adversity.

Demonstrate greater empathy and compassion toward others.

Realize their true potential in terms of their talent, education and future.

As a 16-year BCPS volunteer, and in each of the seven previous years of conducting the 'Top of the Middle' Program, I've found that helping to address, manage and/or resolve the social, emotional, and pre-teen/teen-related issues affecting most at-risk, under-performing, and ESE students enhances their social/emotional development and grades in the process!

As a result, the need to successfully address the social and emotional issues experienced by all students (ESE, at-risk, under-performing and general education) cannot be overstated, and is essential towards improving their grades, behavior, self-esteem, social interaction, and outlook for the future.

Limited opportunities remain to participate in the 'Top of the Middle' Program during the 2018-19 school year. If you are a superintendent, school board member, administrator, principal, AP, department chair, guidance counselor, and/or teacher, please feel free to contact me at 954-675-3967, or drop me a line at [email protected] to make arrangements to offer the 'Top of the Middle' Program at your school. In the interim, I'd be happy to e-mail you the prospectus, which includes an explanation of my program, results over the past seven years, and testimonials from principals, teachers, teaching assistants, and guidance counselors alike.

If you are a concerned parent with a child, or children, you feel aren't performing at their academic, social and/or emotional best, private instruction can also be arranged via Skype or in-person, provided you live within a reasonable distance from Coconut Creek, FL.

Thank you all for your time and consideration, and may God bless you, your students and children.

Warmest regards,

Gregg Havass