Helping Clients Navigate Family Dynamics in Philanthropy

Spring is always a busy time of year for our team, with many of our family clients holding meetings and retreats. I suspect you see an uptick in activity, too—and that you may register heightened anxiety among your clients as they anticipate these family interactions and the important decisions they need to make. Such anxiety is particularly common with wealth generators who wish to engage children and grandchildren in their philanthropy, especially during times of transition. Common concerns we hear include:

• Worry about the next generation’s readiness to inherit the mantle
• Uncertainty about the next generation’s fundamental interest in the philanthropy the wealth generator has undertaken
• Frustration with how children or grandchildren are (or aren’t) using the grant budgets allocated to them

It’s easy to blame these challenges on specific personalities or family dynamics. In most cases we see, however, the problem stems less from an individual than from the failure of the family as a whole to adequately acknowledge each other’s life experiences and how those experiences shape the way they operate, both out in the world and within the family system. Taking some of the emotion out of family interaction can help clear the way for more productive next-generation engagement. Below are a few techniques we have used successfully:

• View it from their perspective. To understand the challenges each person faces—as well as how they view the world and their role in the family—family members need to reflect on each other’s life experiences and the obligations they have at this phase in their life. Wealth creators sometimes set aside large grant budgets for next-generation family members without reflecting on what that responsibility might feel like to a busy young person with little philanthropy experience. To avoid stifling interest and action in philanthropy, they may also need to provide tools, support, and coaches who can help get the new philanthropist up and running.
• Recalibrate the balance of power. Following in the footsteps of someone who has generated significant wealth and success is hard. Members of the next generation may feel judged or worried about not living up to expectations, even if they’re only implied. It’s important to acknowledge that reverence toward wealth creators is common, but that it can also lead to unsustainable communication and decision-making patterns. An outside, neutral facilitator can lead a process that teases out and helps to recalibrate power dynamics and communication patterns, which is often critical to building real decision-making and leadership capacity in the next generation and positioning the family for future philanthropic success.
• Let them know it’s normal. Clients typically think their family dynamics are unique and often scapegoat certain family members when things don’t go as planned. In our experience, however, most of the problems families face are typical for those in their situation. Providing families with research that normalizes their circumstances often allows them to see things more clearly and lessens emotional reaction and anxiety. The circumstances they face aren’t common to all, but they’re common to some—and there are tried and tested ways to deal with them.

Over the years, we’ve had significant success helping families engage through philanthropy. I hope that sharing some of what we’ve learned is helpful to you and your clients, and I welcome your feedback as well as your suggestions of other topics in philanthropy you’d like to learn more about. Please feel free to share these ideas with those in your network who might find them valuable.