Helpful Tips When Considering How Long to Date Before Marriage

The opinions of relationship experts vary regarding how long to date before marriage. Most suggest one to two years at the minimum to witness deep character traits such as honesty, commitment, and integrity.

Why Should We Consider How Long to Date Before Marriage?

Besides knowing character, gathering information on preferences and habits is important. For example, how does he celebrate holidays? Does he like to go on holiday vacation or spend it with family or friends? How does he handle winter? Does he go into a deep depression, or is he involved in winter activities?

What We Don’t Notice Right Away Could Have a Huge Impact

There will be things you won't notice right away that could have a huge impact on your life. As one of my married friends reminds me, “Love is blind, and you get stupid.” He's right.

Unless we put on our “relational sunglasses,” we can miss what's right in front of us. We must be willing to pray, seek others' advice, trust our instincts, and give ourselves lots of time.

Looking Beyond What We Normally See

How can we get better at looking beyond what we usually see? Let's look at real-life examples of why we need to use care when deciding how long to date before marriage.

What We See:

“Sometimes he runs late, and I can wait an hour or more before he arrives. I wish he would at least call me. I've asked him to do that several times.”

What Wasn’t Noticed:

If you've repeatedly asked him to call and he's ignored your request, you have a pattern. Running late is one issue, but the fact that he doesn't call to let you know he's late begs the question of how important your needs are to him.

What We See:

“I realize his anger isn't always justified, and he sometimes lacks self-control, but his parents were extremely abusive to him. Things will get better. I just need to love him more.”

What Wasn't Noticed:

Love and support are important; however, if he grew up in an abusive situation and hasn't dealt with those issues, the chances are quite high that you may be dealing with this pain. You are already seeing anger that is out of control. The loving thing for you to do is walk away and refuse to tolerate this toxic behavior. Maybe it's not about whether you have the ability to love him more; maybe it's about his ability to receive it.

What We See:

“I know he drinks a lot and can get carried away, but he's lots of fun. He said that he'll stop drinking once we get married and have children.”

What Wasn't Noticed:

If he drinks too much, he may be an alcoholic, in which case you can't trust what he says—especially the part where he tells you he'll give it up once you're married. If you want your relationship to continue and be healthy, he needs to give it up now. If you don't see change very soon and for longer than a few months, the chances of seeing real change later are slim. The fact that he's fun at a party will fade, but the pain of being married to an alcoholic will only grow.

Can you identify with any of these stories?

Remember, we want to be as wary as serpents but harmless as doves (Matthew 10: 16 TLB), particularly when deciding how long to date before marriage.

If a relationship is worthwhile, it’s worth waiting for.

Warmly,

Georgia Shaffer

P.S.?Today’s content was adapted from?12 Smart Choices for Finding the Right Guy. If you’d like to read more, you can purchase your copy of the book.

Or, if you prefer to work with a coach as you work to overcome difficult habits, you can find out more information at www.GeorgiaShaffer.com/coaching/

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Scripture:

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight” (Proverbs 3: 5-6).