Help! ….You Need a Mentor!

“Our chief want in life is somebody who will make us do what we can.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

I work with highly talented individuals who still find themselves stuck like everyone does, unsure of where they’re going in work and life. And having worked for a mentoring organization in the past, the answer is just so clear to me, find yourself a mentor! I mean, I love coaching my clients out of a rut, but I’ve learned that they need perspective and there’s sometimes no better perspective than that gained by speaking with those they look up to, who have been where you’re trying to go. And so, this is often a task I work with my clients on – to go get a mentor. And here are some questions that come up in that conversation.

1. IS IT OKAY TO ASK SOMEONE TO MENTOR ME?

“If you cannot see where you are going, ask someone who has been there before.” – J. Loren Norris

In this busy world, few people are stopping to consider who it is who might benefit from a coffee conversation with them, and doing so is slightly egotistical anyways. But, this doesn’t mean those who could help as a mentor don’t have the time or don’t want to spend their time this way. In fact, I’ve found countless times how much the opposite is true. And this is why I urge those longing for a mentor to initiate the mentor relationship. If you approach someone with humility and gratitude and present them with a clear objective, barrier, or topic you're seeking input on, they'll likely be thrilled to offer what time they can to help. You don’t need to proposition them to be your “mentor”. Just start with lunch, coffee or a phone call. If that goes well, ask if they would be willing to stay connected while you work through the issue you’ve sought their insight on.

2. WHO DO I ALREADY KNOW??

“Show me a successful individual and I’ll show you someone who had real positive influences in his or her life. I don’t care what you do for a living—if you do it well I’m sure there was someone cheering you on or showing the way. A mentor.” — Denzel Washington

Perhaps there’s a friend, relative, colleague, teacher, neighbor, LinkedIn connection, or friend of a friend you just need to challenge yourself to reach out to. And if they’re not quite the right person, maybe they will know someone you should talk with. Be open to “mentor moments” and remove the pressure of establishing a formalized, long-lasting mentorship. Just know there’s someone out there who likely holds the “Aha!” insight you need to get out of your rut and back on your way forward, so get just get out there talking to people.

3. WHAT MIGHT QUALIFY SOMEONE AS A POTENTIAL MENTOR?

"A mentor is someone who sees more talent and ability within you, than you see in yourself, and helps bring it out of you." — Bob Proctor

Don’t lose yourself in the search for a magic unicorn. You're not going to find someone who's the perfect representation of who you want to be in the future with all the same values and the exact work, family, health, life situation you see yourself striving towards. Simply find someone you respect who has experience beyond your own in the area you're looking to grow. It’s that simple. And don’t shy away from someone who’s experienced failure in life. It’s a humbling, growth-spurring experience to learn from another’s life lessons and experiences, especially their failures. Their failures will help prepare you for your own. And even regarding the ways their path or ways of life are not a match with yours, you can still respectfully learn from another and gain further clarity for what you want in life. The point of mentoring isn’t necessarily to emulate the life of another (that would be weird) or even to follow any advice they have for you word for word. It’s more about gaining perspective and encouragement.

"I think the greatest thing we give each other is encouragement...knowing that I'm talking to someone in this mentoring relationship who's interested in the big idea here is very, very important to me. I think if it were just about helping me get to the next step, it would be a heck of a lot less interesting." — Anne Sweeney

4. HOW ABOUT HAVING MORE THAN ONE MENTOR?

“We cannot solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them.” —Albert Einstein

Having multiple mentors representing various areas of experience and an overall plurality of perspectives is like having your own board of directors. If you're looking for holistic support, consider all your personal and professional contacts who you can reach out to from time to time for thoughts, input, encouragement, etc. It is sometimes helpful to throw the "mentor" term out the window and recognize the friends, family, and other connections you already have around you whom you can be a more intentional friend to. Take an interest in their life, encourage them any way you can and they’ll be there to provide insight or support to you when you need it. Simply acknowledging the perspective they could bring to your Board will help you remember they're there when you need them.?

5. DO I WISH THERE WERE MORE MENTORS IN THE WORLD??

"We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give." — Winston Churchill

“In learning you will teach, and in teaching you will learn.” – Phil Collins

Don’t forget that in your search for a mentor, there’s someone else doing the same as you whom you can be mentoring. This is cliché, but be the change you wish to see in the world. You only have to be one step ahead of a mentee to mentor, and sometimes that's not even necessary. And the reality is that mentors learn and benefit immensely from mentoring. A mentee offers a fresh perspective to areas of life you may have not thought deeply of in years. They appreciate aspects of your life you take for granted. They ask you questions that challenge your current way of life and can drastically alter your future. So, revisiting life experience with a mentee can be very fruitful and of course rewarding. Additionally, consider volunteering through a mentoring organization where your chances of meeting potential mentors for yourself will be significantly improved. Not everyone sees their need for a mentoring relationship, but a mentoring organization is surely the place to meet those who do.