"Help! ... "Wait"

Hello,

When I sat down years ago to write a book on the lessons I’d learned from my life and work, the first lesson’s title was this: “How to give it your all, fail, and live with that.”?

?It is unwelcome advice because it addresses a hard reality.??This lesson is primarily useful to the reader when they’re up to their elbows in cold, hard life.??And who wants that???

?Sometimes we’d rather be marshmallow soft than to be steeled by the forge of life’s challenges.

?I’ve been part of a lot of hard conversations lately.??Those conversations have been unwelcome because they’ve been precipitated by the hard spots that some of those I care about find themselves in.??

?Nearly all the time we’d rather talk of ballgames than burdens, but it turns out we really do need each other in hard times.

?As social animals, whether we face challenge or opportunity, we’re better at facing it with help.??A lone human is a pathetic thing.??Eight million humans together gives you New York City – such a miracle of humanity, flaws and all.

?And so, I’m going to tell you a truth that you’ll need to know when you face a challenge and life’s crushing weight buckles you to your knees.??At this terrible moment when you ask for help…

?The reply to your plea will contain this message:?You have to wait.

?Maybe you have to wait because they said “no,” they won’t help you.??Or maybe you’ll have to wait because they said “yes,” but either wait, you’ll have to wait.

?You Have to Wait

?No matter someone else’s intention or skill, if you are the person who assesses that your situation is grave and you are the one who asks for help, then there will be a response time for someone else to help you.??That time will not be zero.??And, so, you will have to wait.

?Seconds can feel like an eternity if you are choking.??Minutes and hours can feel plenty long if you’re struggling to face a heavy challenge.??And sometimes we have to wait for years for help – if it ever comes in the way we hope it will.

?I realized that “to wait” is an integral part of successfully asking for help through empirical study.??I saw the pattern of strain and struggle, and I also saw that instant sympathy or rapid intentionality never equaled instantaneous help.

?Once you realize waiting is part of it, you see it everywhere:

• ?Ukraine has had to wait for US and European arms to fight the Russian invasion.
• The drowning man has to wait for the lifeguard to reach him.
• The UK had to wait years for the US to help fight the Nazis.
• Even God had to wait: In the 14 Stations of the Cross, “Jesus bears His cross” is number two.??Station three is “Jesus falls for the first time.”??It is not until Station 5 that Simon of Cyrene is made to bear the cross too.

?And, so, if even God has had to wait, if you want help, you too will have to wait.

?The Power of An Unpleasant Truth

There is no jubilation in accepting an unpleasant truth.??But there is power.??It’s a power that can offset the pain that accepting a truth creates.??

• First, the pains:?The first pain you feel is the pain you’re bearing and are seeking some relief from.??That one is not a surprise to you.?
• The second pain, though, can be a surprise.??It is the dashing of hope that comes when you realize that even a “yes” to your plea for help comes with a time you must spend without relief, waiting for relief to arrive.??

?That second pain can be so dispiriting that it can cause many to quit just short of aid’s arrival.

• ?Now to the powers:?The first power you get from accepting this truth comes through understanding that to wait is a constituent component of asking for and getting help.??Incorporate that truth into your being and you’ll recognize that your terrible wait for relief to arrive is the first stage of actually receiving help.
• The second power is seeing the wait you face for help as a universal facet of human suffering.??That means when you experience it, you are experiencing a period of shared suffering, a suffering common to all those who must bear what they no longer wish to.??

?Knowingly partaking in shared suffering makes us more fully human.??And being more fully human offers us the chance for a life that is more beautiful, meaningful and joyful.

?Help… Someday

?In this Weekly One, I’ve focused on that period between asking for help and getting it.??We know that in life that period can stretch on for years, or maybe help in the way we expected it never comes at all.??

?I spent 11 years homebound, 4 of those years developing a surgery.??Every day during the last half of my illness I used the first lesson from my unpublished book to keep going.??“How to do your best, fail, and live with that” helped me persevere.??

?But realizing that even help that’s promised and in-transit does not actually relieve one’s burden is so shocking and dispiriting in our moment of weakness that I think it deserves a specific strategy of its own to endure it.??

?That strategy is to unite your suffering with all those who suffer; realize that to receive the benefit of the help, you must endure; and believe that bearing the burden while you wait for promised help to arrive is actually the first step of relief.??

?When we face big challenges, waiting is an active process – like sharpening your axe, or walking towards the approaching help to hasten its arrival.??But wait in some form we must.??And if we know that, we’ll be stronger through the wisdom of that realization.

Best to you, and God bless all those who persevere and suffer -- keep us all safe!

Doug Lindsay

www.lindsaycenter.com