Help

You can only help those that want it.

Happy Friday, I hope your week was fantastic! I had a busy but balanced week. I am doing better with incorporating yoga, daily reading, and Zumba as non-negotiables. It helps to plan your week and stick to the plan for the most part. Spontaneity from time to time is suitable for all of us. As the week ended, I spent some time reflecting on conversations and interactions. The theme that came to mind was people wanting or needing help. The thing about help or assistance is that it is a two-way street. Lip service is old news; for me, actions and words must align.

There is no shame in needing or wanting help. At some point in our lives, we all need help. But one thing that I have experienced over the years is that people must participate in the aid. The first example that comes to mind is, of course, the airplane recommendation, "you must put your mask on to help others," most people have heard of this, but my mind also went to something I learned when I sat in the information session for my daughter's swimming lessons.

The Red Cross message is as follows: Reach or Throw, Don't Go. The lesson was wrapped up with three key points:

1.??????We can help someone with trouble in the water without getting wet. This is important because you need to stay safe.

2.??????Going in the water to help someone who is having trouble could cause you to get in trouble too.

3.??????When helping someone in the water, it is always best to reach or throw, don't go.

To elaborate on point one, sometimes getting involved with people's "mess" can place you in harm's way, or you can somehow be guilty by association. So be mindful of what you can take on and whom you are aligned with.

Point two, when you get in deep or invest too much, it can lead to diminishing returns. You start to say to yourself, "This person worked for me for years" or "This is my family member; I must help, right?" or "I am going to put my neck on the line one more time." A good heart is excellent, but none of us owe anyone anything.

You can choose whom you want to help when you want to help and how you will help without getting yourself tangled in various situations. The last point, piggybacking off point two, is that you do not have to get in the water with someone to help. Giving direction, advice, and steps is throwing and reaching.

I remember sitting in Church, and the Pastor began discussing help; he asked, "Why ask for help when you are being evicted or when your car is repossessed? Why not ask when you cannot afford the first payment?" The answers varied from thinking they could figure it out on their own to someone else falling through on their promise to just plain old pride. That day I learned a valuable lesson; if you need help, ask for it sooner than later.

Asking and identifying your needs early is better for all parties, the person that needs the help and the helper. Many things in life have layers; if you need help at the foundational level of a relationship, work, or school, seek help asap. If you fake it to make it, you will always be behind because you missed the fundamental blocks needed. My call to action is to look at two areas of your life:

·????????Identify the areas in which you need help and then ask for it

·????????Identify the people you help and see if the juice is worth the squeeze (are they making progress? Are they helping themselves? It is beneficial, or are you being taken advantage of?)

Once you complete your analysis, make any necessary changes, and do so sooner than later. No matter your access to resources acquired knowledge, title, or social class, you cannot help everyone. I was watching a sermon by Pastor Dharius Daniels, and it is short and sweet but packed with solid advice on the Five types of people you cannot help:

1.??????Those who don't think they need help

2.??????Those who know they need help but don't want it

3.??????Those who know they need help but don't want it ...YET

4.??????Those who know they need help but don't want it from YOU

5.??????Those who aren't willing to do what it takes to get what they need, e.g., they want money but don't want to do the work to earn it

Lastly, even though you may instinctively want to help others, people must be open to doing the work, and you must be equipped to help. Potential does not always equal success. Success takes work to be maintained. Please do not make a habit of getting more invested in someone than they are vested in themselves.

Follow your heart if you have the resources and desire to help others. Someone helped you at one point or another; it is okay to give without expectation or reciprocation. Just be intelligent about self-preservation, association, and good deeds.

“Kindness and helping others will return to you when you least expect it and maybe when you need it.”?~Catherine Pulsifer