Help! I'm Worried about my Parents!

Here's a message I received yesterday from one of my LinkedIn connections. Sharing it in the event that it may help others who have a similar situation to navigate.

Question:

Hi Rosanne,

I’m wondering if you have any ideas here.

My parents are in Florida.

My 90-year-old father takes care of my mother who has dementia. There's no family close by.

I'm panicky about what might happen if my father gets sick. My mother can't function without him.

We have backed ourselves into a corner honoring their wishes.

Any resources to help until I or a sibling can get there in a few week's time?

Answer: Here are the 10 Tips I Offered.

Hi Mary (name has been changed):

It's tough. I understand your concerns. Here's what comes to mind for suggestions I can offer:

1) Establish a clear communication system between you and siblings or other family/friends.

Whatever that may be - a phone tree, an email list, a Facebook group. Know how you'll communicate with one another and communicate often so there are no missteps with people being left out and upset or wires getting crossed. Communication breakdowns often lead to lasting resentments so pull together and figure this out as a team.

2) Keep your father as safe and healthy as possible.

Is he self-isolating? Get groceries and meds delivered and advise him not to leave the house. Is anyone coming in? Limit contact with the outside world.

3) If he were to get sick, someone would need to either live with your mom at her home or you'd have to move her to a respite place.

To find options for either scenario, the Area Agency on Aging is a good first step. These agencies are located throughout the United States. You can search for Florida in Eldercare Locator https://eldercare.acl.gov/Public/index.aspx

4) Other  Websites and Resources that may help: 

Alzheimer's Association:

https://www.alz.org/help-support/caregiving/coronavirus-(covid-19)-tips-for-dementia-care

AARP:

https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/basics/info-2018/support-line.html?intcmp=AE-CAR-BB-LL2

Caregiver Action Network:

https://caregiveraction.org/

5) For each of the above websites -

Alzheimer's Association, AARP, Caregiver Action Network - they all have1-800 numbers. I would phone each one and ask them for local resources that can help. 

6) Take action now so you don't have to do it in a crisis (which hopefully won't happen).

Get your plan in place. Know what your options are.

7) Put it in writing and have your family agree to it.

It's amazing how people have different recollections of what was agreed to. Goes back to communication.

8) Use this as an opportunity for putting together a contingency plan for the future.

We're all learning lots about preparedness right now!

9) Do not think at all about your past decisions.

You say that you backed yourselves into a corner - I'm sure you made the best decisions at the time so have no regrets, no guilt. Only use the past to learn from to do better if there's an opportunity to do so, but don't waste time or energy lamenting what you think you could have done differently. No one gives you a handbook when you're caring for older parents and it's difficult to make these decisions!

10) Stay on top of the recommendations from local authorities in Florida.

Bookmark the government websites and check them often.

I hope this helps! Stay in touch.

Sincerely,

Rosanne

Here's her response:

Omg- you are amazing. I am hopping on this. You are the best!!

In these difficult and challenging times, I'm full of gratitude that I could help someone!

What other tips or advice would you add to the list?

Do you have a question?

Reach out to me and ask! We need all the community support and care we can offer one another!

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Quote of the Week:

Although the world is full of suffering, it's also full of overcoming of it. ~Hellen Keller

About the Author:

Rosanne Burke is a Dementia Care Consultant, trainer, and speaker. She helps family caregivers feel more confident and competent with training, resources and a personalized roadmap. She speaks and writes on issues related to dementia and caregiving, delivers training workshops, and consults with business owners who want to support caregiving employees or make their business dementia-friendly for clients. If you want to know more about her services or wish to invite her to speak at your event, email Rosanne at [email protected].