Help! I hate my kid's coach

Most of us have had a coach we just couldn't stand. Just the sight of him or her made you bleed as your incisors did jumping jacks on your bottom lip as you endeavored, sometimes unsuccessfully, to keep your mouth shut. I've played for that coach; and in some ways, and on certain days, I've also been that coach (5 Leadership Lessons I Learned from Being a Losing Coach: https://proscoutsports.blogspot.com/2015/04/5-leadership-lessons-i-learned-from.html). 

While I'd argue that most youth sports experiences are generally positive, the potential for parents and their children to learn, both from the good experiences and bad, should make youth athletics a worthwhile experience for those involved. How we adults navigate the pitfalls, including the shortcomings of youth, high school, travel, and even college coaches, will most likely shape the experience of your child, either positively and negatively.

In this three-part series (part two will run on Thursday, April 30), we'll begin by painting a picture of a young female basketball player making her initial journey into the crazy world of travel sports. In parts 2 and 3 to follow, we'll look at the best ways that parents can walk alongside—or simply get out of the way of—coaches to help provide the best possible experience for your son or daughter, regardless of the circumstances.

AND SO IT BEGINS...
It all started innocently. Your then 5-year-old Madison swelled your heart in her pink Rent-a-Wreck-sponsored jersey and white high-top kicks. Now, nearly every night, you have to drag your now 10-year-old off the driveway before the sound of the incessant rubber-pounding-on-asphalt drives you mad, or before the neighbors call the cops.

"Hello girls and parents, I am Coach Mack," says your daughter's new travel coach in a voice that more than adequately fits his name. "I played junior college basketball and had a pro contract lined up before a chronic knee injury ended my career."

Before the meeting began, you ordered yourself to give the coach the benefit of the doubt, but your brain is already exploring places you don't want it to go. 
Oh sure, this guy was going pro. It's always the career-ending knee injury that details the NBA career of the local JUCO star. 

"This is 10U travel basketball and this is when it starts getting serious," he continued. "Your commitment to this team is to be your family's first, second, and third priority. If you want to play in college there are no shortcuts and it starts here today ladies. I will not accept anything less than full commitment to the Racers."

A pit in your stomach that you haven't had in years is now taunting you. You don't dare look at your wife because you are terrified that she'll roll her eyes and you'll get called out by the burly man at the front of the room. A horror flick begins rolling in your mind: 

"Grrrr, I'm Coach Mack, do you have something to say to the group, Madison's dad?"

You stare straight ahead. While a few of your daughter's new teammates are now sitting at attention in their green-and-yellow chairs, you notice that your daughter is about eight inches shy of disappearing completely underneath her desk. 
The season's first meeting began 10 minutes ago and you want to run away screaming. This season has no chance of ending well. 

"I'm sure you want to know about our practice times, " said the growling coach. "We'll practice every night during the week, twice on Saturday, and 8-to-11 on Sunday mornings, because I know that you want to spend Sundays with your family. The Racers are all about family." 

Oh yes, all about family. It sure sounds like it. 

You are doing the math in your head. Eight practices a week and a three hour practice on Sunday. The anticipation of the lecture that you know is coming from your own dad, who will ask why youth sports is taking priority over church and family, is making you even more anxious. You aren't even sure of the answer to that query yourself, but you know darn well you don't want to have the one-sided conversation.

You hear your wife, Cindy, mumbling under her breath, sarcastically and just loud enough for a select few to hear, "Well, at least we get our Sunday afternoons. Awesome!"

She mumbled too soon.

"After practice begins, the first two Sundays of the season we'll be doing some fundraising immediately following practice, just a little five-hour car wash on the 4th and again on the 11th. I won't be able be at the fundraiser either day because of prior family commitments but, if you want your child to play in the season-opening tournament in Albuquerque, your attendance is mandatory."

The fees for this club are $2,500 and we're having fundraisers? I thought we left those days when we left the park district. 

Mack continued. "The parent group that you are required to join meets every Wednesday night and you'll discuss the details of the fundraiser at the next meeting. 

Let me present a few more expectations for the Racers.

1) I will not talk to any parents about little Suzy's playing time (The condescending "Lil' Suzy" line just about pushes you over the edge).

2) The payment for all expenses, including any travel, is due at the end of today's meeting. If your child quits at any point during the season your money will not be refunded. 

"That's one way to make sure that nobody backs out after leaving the meeting."

3) As you know, I have two daughters on our team. To make things easier, I've named them co-captains.

Thanks for coming. We'll see everyone Monday night.

THE RIDE HOME
The car ride home begins in silence. Your wife whispers, "Are we really going to do this?"

"Do what, Mom?" asks Madison.

In an attempt to save your wife you quickly redirect, "Madison, what do you think of Coach Mack?"

"Well, I wasn't going to say anything but he seems kind of scary, but the girls on the team are nice and the girls who played last year said that he gets nicer as you get to know him."

"I've heard good things about him. Heck, he almost made the NBA," you say as you discretely wink at your wife. "I'm sure everything will be just fine."  

THE FIRST PRACTICE
"Why's everyone standing around playing patty-cake?" says Mack. "We've got work to do.

"Madison, go to the low post and set a back screen on the forward defending away from the ball."

Madison looks at Coach Mack like Russian would make far more sense. 

"Madison, what are you doing?" Mack yells.

"I'm not sure where the high post is" Madison responds.

"What? Oh, I remember, you are a park district all-star. No wonder you don't know.
You better figure it out quickly."

Madison's tears begin to flow.

You are outside sitting in your car. Coach Mack doesn't allow parents to watch practice and, even if he did, you wouldn't want to be one of THOSE parents, the ones of the helicopter variety. You are now kicking yourself for not sneaking a baby monitor into the gym in the middle of the night. 

You want want nothing more than for your 10-year-old to come bounding out of the gym with a Cheshire Cat grin on her face, yelling, "It was so much fun!!!" You know the chances of that happening are slimmer than Kate Moss. 

Instead, Madison approaches the car, takes one look at you, and her blue eyes transform into a water park.

"Dad, I don't want to play anymore. Coach Mack hates me."

"Maddy, he doesn't hate you," as you try to convince yourself as much as her. "Did you learn anything?

"Well, I learned what the high post is, and a back screen, cross screen, and down screen as well," she says through the sobs that are diminishing into whimpers. 

"That's good. How does your skill level compare to the other girls on the team?"

I think I'm going to be a starter.

That's awesome, Madison. I'm so proud of you.

"Daddy?"

"Yes, Maddy?" 

"I don't want to go back."
******************************************************************
Part 2 of the 3-part series will be published on Thursday. In that article, we'll start to unpack ways that parents can make the most out of difficult youth sports situations, specifically the parent-player-coach dynamic. 

In the meantime, what do you love (or hate) about your child's coach? We'd love to hear about it in the comments section below. Also, please feel free to ask any questions and we'll do our best to answer them. Also, you may sign up to have ProScoutSports blog stories sent to you automatically on the right side of the main page. 

If you are a parent or grandparent and there is someone you love involved in youth athletics, we hope you'll take a close look at ProScoutSports LLC, a youth sports consultant service based in Wheaton, Ill. More details about ProScoutSports LLC (https://www.proscoutsports.com) are below. 

Here are your action steps as a parent or athlete:  
1) Visit www.proscoutsports.com.
2) Fill out the online questionnaire. The tab for it is on the top of the page at the site
3) At the end of the questionnaire form you may upload as many as three (3) videos of your child. HUDL (www.hudl.com) is a great service to use if you need video, or we can suggest video companies in your area if you do not have one available. It doesn't have to be fancy. Smart-phone generated video works as well.
4) After completing the questionnaire and uploading the video, you will purchase the service with a one-time fee.
5) The questionnaire and video will then be sent to one of our scouts who has vast experience in the sport that your child plays. If we don't have a scout that is qualified to evaluate your child's sport, we will find one. Our staff has a vast resource of top coaching contacts around the country in every sport imaginable, from football to synchronized swimming (yes, we even have a top-level synchro scout at our disposal).
6) The scout will review the questionnaire and video and will then write a scouting report and individualized action plan, which may include sport specialization or playing multiple sports, playing club or travel sports, helping locate top local private instructors, and other key details.
7) Upon completion of the report we will send the individualized plan to your family. If you subscribe to the Platinum package you may follow up with questions via email for up to one year after your purchase. 

Simple, straight-forward, objective, honest. Don't you want to know how "good" your child really is, and the best way to plan his or her athletic pursuits?

ProScoutSports is the place. Visit www.proscoutsports.com today. If you have any questions, please feel free to email me at [email protected].



Todd Starowitz is the CEO of ProScoutSports, LLC. In his work with the NFL's Indianapolis Colts and Philadelphia Eagles, as well as at Indiana University and Tyndale House Publishers, Todd has worked with many high-profile coaches and athletes, including Tony Dungy, Bob Knight, Emmitt Smith, Cam Cameron, Drew Brees, John Harbaugh, Gene Chizik, Jim Tressel, and Joe Gibbs, among others. Todd was also a gameday statistician for the Chicago Bulls for six season. Todd played club lacrosse at Indiana University and was the head varsity softball coach at Wheaton (IL) Academy from 2009-11.