Help! I Don't Know How to Pray!

(First published on my blog, Strength for the Weary, 5/4/18.)

Picking up on last week’s theme of how prayer really “works,” I have had my share of suspecting it would “work” better for me if I just prayed more frequently or confidently. I’m one of those misfit souls with chronically wandering concentration and a spot on the autism spectrum that makes me prone to impatience and irritability. (One reason I like cats is that they also see little reason to suffer fools out of “politeness.”)

If such issues make it difficult to maintain communications and relationships with other human beings, it’s harder with an invisible, often unpredictable God. Knowing just what He wants (or doesn’t want), and how to give it to Him so He’ll give back what we want, is not an option. Even when all we want is tangible assurance He’s at least noticing us.

You may rarely have this problem. Perhaps you’re blessed to routinely feel God’s attention almost as though He were physically with you, and to sense Him talking to you in ways you clearly understand. If so, I urge you to pity your weaker brothers and sisters and stop nagging us to “just have more faith.” Remember what Jesus told Thomas in John 20:29: Blessed are those who are willing to believe despite being unable to see.

For those who seriously struggle with prayer–and those who want to understand them–I recommend Blessed Are the Misfits by Brant Hansen, especially chapters 8 and 9: “Blessed Are the People Who Can’t Pray Worth a Darn … Blessed Are the People Who Just Read That Last Chapter But Still Have Some Questions.” Hansen, himself on the autism spectrum, offers this advice:

• Don’t worry about how long you “should” pray. It takes just twenty-five seconds to read the Lord’s Prayer out loud.
• It’s fine to come back again and again with the same request. As noted in Luke 18:1-8, God often wants us to do exactly that.
• God cares less about how “well” we pray than about our willingness to pray.

So if you feel like crying, “Help! I don’t know how to pray!”–start by taking that cry directly to God.

Closing hints on finding your best prayer style:

• How do you naturally talk to people? Talk to God the same way (and thank Him for always understanding what you really mean).
• Do you love poetry and music? “Pray” through a Psalm, hymn, or prophetic Scripture passage. Let yourself feel the words and how they apply to you.
• Do you connect well to nature? Take an outdoor walk and praise God for the wonders of Creation.
• Are you a kinesthetic learner? Pace or dance as you pray. Or adopt a classic “prayer posture”: kneeling, lying face down, raising your hands.
• In what type of setting do you learn best? Design yourself a “prayer corner” to those specifications.
• Are you (like many people with autism) virtually obsessed with something? Make that your central focus for requests, thanksgiving, and worship.

Finally, remember that God made you one of a kind. He doesn’t expect you to pray like “everyone else” any more than He expects you to complete anyone else’s unique assignments.

• Prayer is talking to Him and remembering He is with you. That’s all that’s needed.