Help! I am in Trouble! Don't Sympathise!

I fall into a well. I struggle to come out. You pass by, hear me and jump in. Now, we are both stuck.? You think it's empathy. No. It's unhelpful sympathy. Lend me a hand or a rope if you want me to get out.

Cindy, Coacharya Master Mentor Coach

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Don't sympathise when another is suffering. It's often a societal hypocritical response. Empathise, if you can, with their plight and help in kindness. If you wish to help everyone else in such plight, be compassionate. But, be careful, disengage if you too don't wish to be stuck in the well. None of us is a Buddha in the making.

?Let's say you are a young woman who posted a video with a guy, both of you dancing and singing. The creep starts harassing you on social media and embarrassing you, with other creeps joining in mocking you. A very common case these days.

?Sympathy is when a friend says to you and others, 'That must feel awful. I am so sorry.' while feeling, I'm glad it's not happening to me. How does it help if one feels bad with no action?

?Empathy is when another friend who has experienced online cyberbullying knows how it feels and posts, 'I know what a creep this guy is. He has done this before. He should be locked up.' This is an empathetic response.

?Kindness is when someone who doesn't know you, empathises with you and reposts saying, "You dance and sing great! Forget the creeps. Show them. I follow you.' This is supportive encouraging action.

?Compassion is when someone, seeing the larger issue of social media harassment, reaches out to the girl empathetically counselling her, supporting her in kindness on social media, and taking corrective anti-cyberbullying action to prevent this happening to others.

?Sympathy is being aware of another's misfortune. Empathy is understanding and sharing feelings, good and bad. Kindness is being considerate and supportive making another feel better in a situation. These are all localised. Compassion can be a universal actioned emotion that helps the person and others in multiple situations on a larger scale.

?At the very least be empathetic and kind, whether it's a kid selling stuff at the traffic lights or someone you know or don't know getting bullied. Become compassionate if you dream of being the Buddha.

?You may have your views and experiences, seen from similar and other lenses. Do share.

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The Science of Emotions

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Neurobiologically, most emotional responses arise from the amygdala and hypothalamus, based on sensory inputs interpreted by memories stored in the hippocampus. Within this,

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·????? Sympathy arises in the anterior insula and anterior cingulate cortex,

·????? Empathy shows up in the mirror neuron system and regions involved in emotional processing.

·????? Kindness from the activation of the mesolimbic reward system, including the ventral striatum, and

·????? Compassion in the medial orbitofrontal cortex and ventral striatum.

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Neurochemicals such as oxytocin and vasopressin are associated with empathy and compassion. Studies on the polyvagal autonomic nervous system may throw up more ways to identify how these emotions correlate and differ.

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I have worked with neuroscientists who have developed brain maps linking emotions using fMRI etc.

Psychological tools such as the Interpersonal Reactivity Index (IRI) for empathy and the Compassionate Love Scale for compassion are available.

?Quantum Science and neurosciences are evolving asymptotically with chakra energisation principles in understanding emotional energies. For instance, the heart centre anahata is considered to be the seat of love and empathy, whereas the crown centre sahasrara is associated with acceptance, gratitude, and compassion. Interestingly, the chakra system has a direct link between the heart and the crown centre bypassing other chakra.?

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?How best to help with emotional responses?

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This diagram based on the Mandukya Upanishad illustrates the 4 states of awareness we are capable of. We mostly stay within the Mindful and Dream states. Becoming aware in Deep Sleep and Witnessing Fourth states, in general, requires help from contemplative techniques.

?Sympathy, empathy and kindness arise from the mindful awake state supported by the subconscious dream state awareness. They can be understood, embedded through reframing and practised. These are emotional intelligence mindsets. Compassion is a universal state of mind that is generated through a deeper understanding of the spiritual intelligence of our energy nature. This creates an acceptance in gratitude of whatever results, in a disengaged witnessing state of awareness one might term as consciousness.

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Reflection

?Coaches, especially those who practise coaching in the client-centric philosophy of ?Carl Rogers, understand the nature and role of empathy. Not all understand, however, that empathy is local and situational. Studies on tribal empathy show that empathy can be negative in jingoistic pseudo-patriotic rhetoric, resulting in dystopian genocide. Compassion can never be negative as it's rooted in the spiritual intelligence of the energy being. Understanding this difference is crucial to systemic spiritual coaching.

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