Help for chronic overachievers

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“Don’t confuse having a career with having a life.” – Hillary Clinton

Ponder this…?

Accomplishments can be energizing, empowering, and motivating, but there is a dark side to overachievement. Your desire to achieve is not a problem per se; it has likely helped you get to where you are today, and perhaps you’re happy and fulfilled with continually striving for the next goal. However, a time may come when the costs are too high.?

Over time, a relentless drive to excel can create substantial imbalance in your life, causing you to neglect your needs or those of your loved ones. Left unaddressed, it can even lead to physical and mental health problems. In leadership roles, overachievers often command and coerce, deflating team morale and inhibiting performance. If you don’t want to burn out — or end up an overachieving boss — you need to start building better habits now.

Take time to self-reflect?

Overachievement often starts as early as childhood, motivated by experiencing psychological, physical, or financial insecurity. Especially when you’ve been largely rewarded for performance and accomplishment, it’s easy for your identity and self-worth to get wrapped up in your achievements. As a result, you immediately move on to the next task instead of acknowledging what you’ve accomplished, creating a vicious cycle of insatiable striving.

To start moving past these learned coping mechanisms, do some self-reflection. Examine when your pattern of overachievement began. How did you attain love and attention when you were young? Was it through high performance in school, sports, or your community??

No matter the cause, the fact is that your behaviors served a purpose at one time. So, as you work to overturn this programming, remember to be patient and extend the same compassion to yourself as you would a friend.?

Challenge your assumptions?

Unlearning old habits and patterns can elicit uncertainty, discomfort, and even fear. It’s human instinct to protect ourselves from negative emotions, but our fears are typically based on faulty assumptions. Left unexamined, these assumptions can keep us stuck.

Research by Harvard professors Robert Kegan and Lisa Lahey suggests that we often fail to attain our goals due to a conflict between our intention to change and unconscious thoughts and desires. To overcome this, you have to examine and free yourself of limiting assumptions.

Ask yourself: Instead of continually striving, what if I were to take my foot off the gas?

Are you worried you might fail? Let people down? Look weak or incompetent? What terrible consequences would befall you??

Some of your assumptions might be valid, others may not be. That’s why it’s essential to question and test them. Only by challenging your assumptions can you determine whether your self-protective behaviors are actually helpful...

What does success mean to YOU?

Just like our overachievement patterns, our definition of success is often formed in our youth. Growing up, you internalized an idea of “success” based on your family, schooling, and culture. Unfortunately, it’s likely narrow and not wholly yours. Dispelling this version of success requires you to be completely honest with yourself. Push away any fear of judgment, and answer these questions as truthfully and completely as possible:

What does meaningful work look like to me??

What is success in terms of my health and wellbeing, my family, and my social life?

How about in terms of my hobbies, finances, and community?

The top regrets of the dying include living a life that wasn’t true to themselves and working too hard, but that doesn’t have to happen to you. Look at your answers. What shifts do you need to make so that you don’t feel this end-of-life regret??

Start small

The most effective way to create change or new habits is to start with behavior changes that are so small they’re easily accomplished. Based on your definition of success, for each area that you detailed, choose one small and simple action that will help you move towards this more holistic version of success. If your actions aren’t laughably easy, lower the bar.

Once you’re on a roll and consistently completing your initial action, you can build up the intensity. Plan when and where you’ll take your next step and set a reminder.

Celebrate your wins

Overachievers tend to move quickly from one goal to the next instead of acknowledging their own achievements. However, pausing to celebrate progress and small wins boosts our mood, improves relationships, and increases motivation for you and your co-workers.

Take the time to regularly reflect individually and with your team. What went well? What was particularly satisfying? Apply this reflection to both your progress at work and the actions you chose to rebalance your life. Did your team make progress towards an important milestone? Did you complete a five-minute yoga session? Celebrate that! Celebration wires in the changes you want to make.

Dialing back your need to achieve isn’t about subpar performance or changing your personality. It’s about reclaiming your self-worth and realizing that you are more than just your accomplishments. Burn the midnight oil when you need or want to, but not because you’re afraid to live or work any other way.?

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