Hello World, I'm back!

Hello World did you miss me…

I retired for a while… 

To start with a big black hole swallowed me up…

Shocked and outraged, I finally trotted along to the doctors, reluctantly agreeing that I wasn’t doing a very convincing job of coping and that maybe feeding my brain with SSRI’s was indeed the way forward.

Fast forward a few weeks and I now see the argument for taking the drugs, its not my fault and a chemical imbalance in the brain means that tablets specially designed to do the job isn’t such a bad option… Well it depends if you weigh it up against the side effects… zombified and not giving a damm about anything , spending more time on the loo than anything else..!!

What did I gain, time to rethink, my model of running a business was not the best, My family and friends must have thought I had deserted them…. and my leap of faith to turn ‘World Doodle Day’ into a global success proved too ambitious in the short time I gave it. Creativity, the science behind how we think and the implication of those two things in business the driving force behind my thinking was not enough to catapult me into ‘business woman of the year’.

Frustrated and thwarted by my seemingly failed attempt to get to where I wanted to be and with time on my hands I embarked on the study of biopsychology, a free online course which gave me some greater insight into the workings of the brain and nervous system. I now understand the reason for the SSri’s… So in true honoured creative full speed ahead mode, I then envisioned doing an MA, and being the next great Neuroscientist but as of yet can’t find a place that accepts an art degree as an entry level!!

The biggest thing for me about depression and it is over 10 years since the last bout, is that it knocks you back, you lose self confidence, its hard to interact with people and you doubt everything… everything you do to overcome that, feels like a huge step. Sometimes it feels like the fight is too much bother. That is not too say that I realise how far I have come. An occasional feeling of things being too much like hard work is a mild annoyance compared to wishing I didn’t exist many years ago.. 

I am so very lucky that this time round as I have the support of the people I love, and it is also easier now for me to talk about it with health care practitioners. I can see this episode as just a blip as I know my life in general is going well and that studying and understanding the science of what goes on in our grey matter is highly motivating. 

I hope that by talking about my mental health experiences that I can encourage others to do the same and together we can stop stigma and overcome misconceptions about mental health. I plan to do a lot more talking this year.

So Hello World… I am on my way back..