Hello, Please, and Thank You: 3 Powerful Words for Bringing Etiquette Back to the Workplace

When did professional etiquette become the exception rather than the rule in communication? Whether written or spoken, there seems to be this lingering tone of rudeness. Am I the only one feeling this way, or have you noticed that people no longer try to be polite?

To tell you the truth, it feels as if people do not care about one another anymore. Professional etiquette and compassion seem to have disintegrated and what's left are non-empathetic humanoid robots operating on autopilot, oblivious to the art of courteous communication.

Some might say it's a result of COVID isolation and being quarantined. Sorry, this issue is not the result of the pandemic. COVID may have exacerbated it, but this change in politeness started long before we were forced to give each other 6-feet and rely on Zoom.?

Civility has been fading for a while; Covid pushed the boundaries and exposed the unpleasant side of human nature. Times have changed, for sure. At least half of the emails I receive lack a greeting, please or thank you. However, I am convinced that all is not lost.

I recently read a book summary titled "It Begins With Please and Doesn't End With Thank You" by Edwin P. Baldry. The timing was perfect, and gaining someone else's perspective on the issue of business etiquette was a welcoming reprieve from my own perplexity.

The author wrote the book for sales professionals. Although I am not in sales, the title caught my attention. No matter our professional roles, we are all salespeople to some degree. Whether you are selling a product or service for a company or trying to convince a client or prospective employer, you are the right person for the job. You are selling or influencing. With that thought in mind, I decided to read the summary and see what I could take away from it. Or, at the very least, learn why being polite to others in conversation is no longer a priority.

The opinion expressed in the book is that technology caused a paradigm shift. "People used to exercise proper etiquette before the explosion of instant messaging and other social or tech-based communication tools," he said.?There was a time when messages and conversations began with a salutation and never ended without a respectfully closing. Managers coached employees to take the time to read their correspondence before hitting send to ensure the communication wasn't misinterpreted. And colleagues were mindful of how their messages might read in the minds of others because the last thing anyone wanted was to offend someone or give the wrong impression.?

I miss those days!

"Proper etiquette is waning, and disrespect is in vogue." It saddens me to say I agree with the author on this point. I was always raised to be mannerly. You didn't address people by their first name without their permission or a handle (i.e., Ms., Mrs., or Mr.) in front of it. You said hello or good morning when passing by your neighbors or colleagues. And you said thank you when someone extended kindness. What happened to good manners is a question shared by the writer and me, and it's a concern I silently ponder every day.?

"Before the explosion of instant messaging and other social or tech-based communication tools, people exercised proper etiquette." Messages and conversations began with a salutation and never ended without a respectfully closing.?Technological advances have benefits, but it also has side effects. Rapid developments and the need to do everything quicker, faster, and more efficiently set us on a Star Trek course to outpace, take over and go where others have yet to go.

Now we can't seem to live without a smartphone, tablet, or laptop. These tools have changed how we work, and it has changed our language. People are no longer writing complete sentences because it takes too long to type or thumb. Texting has created an entirely new vocabulary of abbreviations, shortcuts, and emojis. Substituting actual words with symbols or a couple of letters is so commonplace it is almost expected. Nowadays, I have to call my adult children and ask them to translate their text messages because I have no clue what it means.

Indeed, it's no surprise that this jargon has spread into the business world. When exchanging messages with colleagues via Microsoft Teams or Slack, I constantly ask what the letters or symbols stand for. Social platforms and communication tools succeeded in providing quick access and keeping us connected to one another. The consequence is that face-to-face human interaction has been replaced with brief and detached correspondence that is incomplete and impervious to the reader's interpretation.

Treat others how you want to be treated, that's the rule, but in today's environment, it seems to have little significance. Despite including pleasantries and respectful closures, the messages and responses received don't always greet me by name, include a hello, or end with a thank you. Poor manners are not a one-off issue; the problem is systemic. Civility is lacking in our society, and it has permeated the workplace.?People are being who they are; unfortunately, that might also include their bad manners. ?

Why make such a big fuss about manners??

Because manners matter, try as we might, it's impossible to escape engaging with another human being. Achieving goals, selling products, delivering projects on time, or winning team competitions depend upon collaboration. You can't be collaborative or build relationships without respect and rapport. Manners plow the road. Before you can convenience anyone to buy into or from you, a connection has to be established.

As a project manager, I am selling my customers on my ability to lead their projects to fruition and deliver business value. To elicit their confidence, I have to develop collaborative relationships that provide the support and influence to help me avoid delays and drive the project forward. Good manners are what enable me to connect. Networking with people I didn't know was challenging; it was very awkward. Focusing my energy on being respectful and well-mannered enabled my personality to shine, and feelings of awkwardness disappeared. Saying "excuse me, please and thank you" shows your appreciation and care for others. My experience has been that most people respond to respect and politeness; there are always a few exceptions.?

Business etiquette isn't just about what we say or write; it's demonstrating common courtesy in all our interactions. One communication sin I'm sure we have all been guilty of is not being fully present at meetings. Instead of giving our undivided attention, we multitask, indicating we are not actively listening. And by the way, multitasking is not a real thing. But don't take my word for it; check out Gary Keller's book,?"The One Thing: The Surprisingly Simple Truth About Extraordinary Results."

What happens when you start thinking your audience is disinterested?

In my mind, I'm thinking, why waste my time? It's disheartening and disrespectful, and I mentally begin to check out. Without graciousness and good manners, professional interactions may experience a lack of warmth, even slight animosity creating an uncomfortable engagement for all parties involved. The opportunity to build rapport and long-lasting relationships is subsequently lost.

Life and business are moving at an accelerated pace. Technology seems to change almost daily, and every company wants to be first to market. There's no slowdown in sight. In our quest to keep pace, we are shortcutting everything possible, including how we communicate.

Baldry explains that in our proverbial madness to hurry up, we must make time for courtesy. Being polite to others is the proper way for human beings to behave. Starting with "hello," including "please," and saying "thank you" makes a difference. Let's get back to practicing good manners and bring professional etiquette back to the workplace.