Hello Neighbor

Recently, within the last month or two, I finally watched Tom Hanks’ movie, A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood, in which he portrays the iconic Mr. Rogers. What stands out to me, now months after seeing it, was this sense that Mr. Rogers gave his undivided attention to every person he met, whether young or old. At one point in the movie Mr. Rogers says, “I hope you know that you made today a very special day by just your being you. There’s no one in the whole world like you, and I like you just the way you are.”

?When we read that, we have two options in how to respond. We can either hear the affirmation and create on an over-inflated sense of self, or we can take the posture of Mr. Rogers and see others as unique and special for who they are. While I’m aware this is a false dichotomy, I’m afraid we’re inclined to choose the former, that is, the ego-affirming reminder of just how special I am, often at the expense of others.

?Once upon a time in the Greco-Roman world it was common to praise oneself in public or, better yet, to have others praise you in public. You would take hold of the honor that you deserved. It was inconceivable to open yourself up to the possibility of being wrong, of receiving correction, or looking for feedback from others on how you might improve. But then, as recorded in John Dickson’s book, Humilitas, culture moved from a self-aggrandizing, seek honor above all culture to one that values humility. From this was born the modern-day notion of servant leadership.

?Imagine a world where you’re seeking to serve others rather than seeking to be served, of seeing the value in others rather than just longing to be valued. This is true of both leaders and followers in an organization. There is a need for both in an organization. There is a need for servanthood to saturate organizations.

?These past few weeks we have been reviewing the values at The Rhino Group, Inc. We call these the CRASH values (after all, a group of rhinoceroses is called a crash). We’ve looked at the values of Character, Responsiveness, and Advancement. Today, we are looking at the value of Servanthood (we will post next about Heart to finish the acronym). When we talk about servanthood, we talk about the platinum rule, that is, treat others the way they want to be treated.

?Zig Ziglar, in How to Win Friends and Influence People, illustrates this concept with a personal anecdote. He writes, "Personally I am very fond of strawberries and cream, but I have found that for some strange reason, fish prefer worms. So when I went fishing, I didn't think about what I wanted. I thought about what they wanted. I didn't bait the hook with strawberries and cream. Rather, I dangled a worm or grasshopper in front of the fish and said: 'Wouldn't you like to have that?'"

?If we are going to treat others as they want to be treated, we have go to learn some key traits. First, we must learn to listen. As Stephen R. Covey has said, we need to seek to understand and then to be understood. Too often we listen with our response in mind. We’re not listening to understand, but to respond.

?Second, we need to nurture the trait of trust. Perhaps trust should be first as it is often a lack of trust that leads to a lack of listening. We think we know better (i.e., we don’t trust the other person’s judgment), so we don’t consider their solutions. I often remind people to start with their trust buckets full rather than empty. When you consider their trust buckets empty, people have to earn your trust. When you consider their trust buckets full, they may lose your trust, but you’ll also be more prone to listen to their ideas.

?Finally, if you’re going to be a servant leader, learn to walk slowly through the crowd. This final trait is borrowed from John Maxwell. When you interact with others, whether at work or any other function, give your attention to each person you meet. In a previous post I talked about the felt need to be noticed, named, known, and needed. Learn the names of people. Get to know them by delving into their lives. No one wants to be a notch in your belt or a tool in your toolbox. Yes, they wanted to be needed, but for what they offer not for what you need.

?Do you remember the theme song for Mister Rogers, “A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood”? In it he sings:

I have always wanted to have a neighbor just like you,

I’ve always wanted to live in a neighborhood with you.

?Throughout the movie, we continually see Mister Rogers knack for being intentionally present with those around him. When he’s with you, he’s not distracted by his duties, his grocery list, or anything else. He gives himself wholly to the individual. As we seek to treat others as they would like to be treated, to live out the value of servanthood, may be wholly attentive and present with those we meet.