Hello. My name is Enrique, and I am addicted to being busy

“When we meet real tragedy in life, we can react in two ways - either by losing hope and falling into self-destructive habits, or by using the challenge to find our inner strength.” Dalai Lama

My dad is an accomplished and renowned musician in Venezuela, my country of origin. He is one of the most amazing people I have ever met, but, despite his greatness, he had an addiction. He was an alcoholic. He drank day in and day out and never acknowledged his addiction. My dad hit the wall over and over again, tried to change a few times, but always fell back into his old habits. It is very easy to become an addict, and very difficult to step out of it.

One day my dad hit the big wall: he was diagnosed with the symptoms of cirrhosis of the liver. That was a wake-up call for him. His doctor said: “you still have time to recover, but if you keep drinking like this for the next six months, there will not be a way back. You will die of cirrhosis”.

My dad had seen someone die from that horrible disease and he was very scared. He didn’t want to die that way. He stopped drinking, fixed his ways and became a much more amazing person than he already was. Today, my dad is a very healthy man. He was lucky to made a timely decision. But, what made the difference in his life? Why was he able to make such a drastic change from being an alcoholic to cleaning his body and fully living his life without alcohol? I believe that hitting the big wall, having a community of support around him and realizing that there was more in life other than drinking were the key factors that helped him fight his demons.

I too have my demons. My addiction is different, though. It creates another kind of disease and a very different outlook than the addiction to alcohol, yet it is also destructive. I am addicted to being busy, and it is a very bad thing. Why is it so bad?

The addiction to busyness is utterly unfortunate. For me, its worst effect is that it deprives me of the ability to enjoy the now. It has become a mindset that needs to be changed, because otherwise it will make me hit the big wall. The difference between my big wall  and my dad’, is that mine is not as clear as his. Busy addicts don’t get cirrhosis of the liver, but we lead a life that is constantly lurked by the ghosts of activities that, regardless of their meaning, suck up the time that could otherwise be used to enjoy the now. We are at constant risk of burnout and overextending ourselves which can have deleterious effects on our mental and physical health. 

To the people who are in this same situation, what can we do?

Don’t wait to hit the big wall

We shouldn’t wait for a critical wake-up call to be self-aware and mindful about the way we spend our time and our lives. Some people have gotten divorced because one spouse is utterly overtaken by their work. Some people have gotten sick because they rarely sleep and are constantly engaged in some type of activity that leaves little space for others that are even more important and meaningful. Wake up before you even see the big wall, because, as I learned during my dad′s experience, it is a very scary place.

Find the important things in your life

You might say, “I love working and I like spending hours and hours doing it”. If you think that your life is meant to revolve around your work and you are addicted to it, that is absolutely up to you. Nevertheless, quite often people don’t have time to think about what is truly important in their lives. Daniel Kahneman in “Thinking, Fast and Slow” explains how our brains have two systems to work. One, the automated system, which contains  90% of our mental time and processes. The second, the conscious system, that takes up 10% of our thinking processes. Hence, it is essential to be self-aware and mindful, to use our conscious brain and truly think about what is really important. My dad didn’t think much about his alcoholism. His mindset was in automatic mode and drinking was just one of his routine activities... Until he thought about it.

A community of support

Have you looked around you? Your community of support to change your life is probably closer than you think. For my dad, his community manifested itself in his immediate family: my brothers, a wonderful partner he had at the time and myself. He never realized how much we cared about him, because 90% of his thinking process was focused on drinking, and the remaining 10% was focused who knows where.

Use your conscious thinking and self-awareness to look around and appreciate your community of support. For me, my community is embodied in my family, fiancée and some friends with whom I constantly talk about mindfulness, particularly my good friend “Boots”. They have helped me realize that there is more to life than being busy all the time. They have shown me that is ok to “do nothing”, meaning that enjoying the moment has in itself a deep value. My fiancée tells me “chillax” on a regular basis, supporting me in the process of admiring the beauty of the moment and not getting hooked up by thoughts that don’t let me enjoy the present. It is a a long process to get rid of the addiction of busyness and I am working on it.

There is more in life

I discovered ultrarunning almost three years ago. I got hooked and it became my most important extracurricular activity. I have dedicated many, many hours to the sport and I love it. However, it has also become some sort of an addiction. To be honest with you (and I am not really honest about this all the time), I think there is a little bit of pride in pushing my limits as far as I can and maybe that’s why I became so addicted to ultrarunning. Now, I am struggling to seeing ultrarunning from a different perspective. It is that there is enjoyment and beauty in running itself, in carrying myself to different places with just my two legs and that it’s not only about racing.  I like the feeling of knowing that it is a blessing to see the most beautiful sunsets and sunrises. Also, I recently rediscovered my lost passion for writing. It has helped me to observe more, read more and admire the now more. I am finding that balance and moderation is a good thing and that I can be both a runner and writer and find creativity and meaning in my life in more mediums than one.

 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The doctor told my dad that his recovery process would take a long time. I clearly remember how the doctor explained that my dad’s cells had replaced some sort of natural element (I don't remember what that element was) with the sugar of the alcohol, and that was very bad. He mentioned that the cleaning process is slow and gradual, but taken seriously would yield the positive effects of a total recovery. His addiction taught him a lesson, and he finally changed for good.  

Just like my father, my cells are affected by the addiction to being busy. It will take time to heal and the process is slow and gradual. Nevertheless, I hope to enjoy the benefits of being addiction-free very soon and live another day to enjoy my life fully. I love to seize the opportunities, carpe diem, but now I want to do it in a more mindful way. Not all that comes to us is an opportunity, and I am still seeking the wisdom to know the difference between a real opportunity and what is not. For now, learning and enjoying is what “keeps me busy.”

About the Author: Enrique Rubio is an HR Professional at the Inter-American Development Bank. He is an Electronic Engineer and a Fulbright scholar with an Executive Master’s Degree in Public Administration from Syracuse University. Enrique researches and writes about leadership and HR and seeks to explore the overlaps of productivity and leadership in the business and non-profit world. Enrique is also a competitive ultrarunner.

Twitter: @erubio_p

#bestadvice #personal #development #busyness #productivity #empowerment