Hello, I am: A Walking Checklist

If mental load was equated to weight, then I'd easily bench press 1000 at 15 x 4.

Between mothering, wifing, house-holding and working, my mind is constantly on the go. I'm thinking and remembering for everyone, which is not a task that was duly appointed my way, but one that I voluntarily took on. I'm a Type A personality, perfectionist and recreational checklist checker-offer, so suffice to say, the mental load was naturally a drop in the bucket for me.

Ever wake up from a nightmare that you were low on toilet paper the day after you placed an Instacart grocery/toiletry order? Just me? Regardless, that my friends, is what we call invisible labor falling on your shoulders.

I live in a "progressive" household. My husband and I split chores, cooking, and caring for our daughter evenly, since we both work full-time. I take on the bulk of the laundry, whereas he's on pool and doggie pickup duty. But even so, the cognitive labor, or "thinking work" primarily lives in my world.

Also known as "cognitive labor" or "worry work," the mental load refers to overseeing tasks. It's ensuring that all of the boxes are checked that allow the household to run smoothly. It's inconspicuously carrying a constant to-do list that is virtually never-ending. It's, as the American Sociological Review describes it: "the responsibility of anticipating needs, identifying options for filling them, making decisions, and monitoring progress."

Anticipate, identify, decide, and monitor. That is how the Review classifies the mental load. They use the example of summer camps, but I liked translating the analogy into something I experienced in my own life: planning my daughter's first birthday party. Which was probably more scrupulously planned than my own wedding.

• Anticipate: Realizing that her birthday was fast-approaching in November, I needed to start thinking about options for her party.
• Identify: Looking into venues, activities, theme, and catering that would suit our needs.
• Decide: Choosing the venue and all associated accoutrements.
• Monitor: Making sure all contracts were returned, checks were cut, vendors were communicated with and RSVPs were accounted for.

First thing's first: are large first birthday parties outside of New York a "thing?" Second: I planned the entire party from soup to nuts.

Did I enjoy doing so? Yes, since this was in honor of my daughter (and by association, my husband and I) and I enjoy planning and executing events. It's the marketer in me. Was this event and its details living rent-free in my head from July-November, 2022? You bet it was.

As mothers, when we are able to "shut off" from work, we still continually think about doctor's appointments, birthdays, social activities, health/educational/nutritional/development of our children, which is in addition to common household questions: Did I take out the meat to defrost for dinner? Did I take the recyclables out? Damn, I forgot to load the clothes into the dryer over an hour ago. Should we schedule the spring clean up? I should really schedule a grooming appointment for the dog. You get the gist, and this doesn't even include taking care of ourselves!

Unsurprisingly, carrying the mental load is a global issue. According to the Sydney Morning Herald , Australian mothers are also feeling just as worn out from acting as the walking checklist. Based on a survey of 3,000 females in 2021, their responses were as follows:

While I'm not in complete agreement with the "Who looks after children" results, the results stemming from cognitive labor seem to be internationally shared. Mamas everywhere are tired of thinking!

The mental load, cognitive labor, worry work: it is an invisible, enduring, unbounded issue that is never seen. Brains are buzzing 24/7. Loving your child(ren) and what you do makes family administration a lot easier, but it's a layer of life that will always take careful thought, planning and execution.

Sometimes, I wish I could just export my brain to someone else. You feel me?