Helicopter Parents need to switch from Fixed Mindset to Growth Mindset

 In an article featured on Sunday Times on 10th March 2019 -

'End of streaming: Worries over mixing with 'Normal stream' students may drive parents to chase IP schools - has caught attention on Social Media.

Facebook user and Teacher Mark Rozells highlighted the issue of 'elitism' in his post about parents like Wendy Chan who have expressed concerns of their children from Express streams mixing with children in 'Normal streams'.

"... she would prefer if her children did not mix with those in Normal stream."

Ms Chan, 48, explained,

"It's because of their upbringing - their mindset and values may not be in tandem with what I agree with. It's not so much about academic performance." (see highlighted text below)

His post has gathered over 800 reactions, 120 comments and 1,300 shares overnight.

Evidence of a Fixed Mindset

What individuals like Ms Wendy Chong fail to consider is that ending up in a Normal stream is not the 'Be-all-end-all'. In fact, they hold on to a presumption that all students in the 'Normal Stream' will struggle difficult to succeed in life.

This type of thinking rises from a Fixed Mindset.

Popularised by Psychologist Carol Dweck from her book, Mindset, she describes this mindset as follows:

"In a fixed mindset, people believe their qualities are fixed traits and therefore cannot change. These people document their intelligence and talents rather than working to develop and improve them. They also believe that talent alone leads to success, and effort is not required."

"Alternatively, in a growth mindset, people have an underlying belief that their learning and intelligence can grow with time and experience. When people believe they can get smarter, they realize that their effort has an effect on their success, so they put in extra time, leading to higher achievement."

Wendy Chong, in this case, is merely a representative of all the other parents who may have concerns about their child mixing with students from normal streams. And this is not something new. Even during my time, my parents have worried about me not being able to make it into the 'Express' stream.

And I don't blame them. We are all too familiar with the saying

"You are the average of the 5 people you mix with."

While there is truth in that saying, it is silly to disregard the ability of one's decision making. Despite mixing with different groups of people, we have the ability to make choices in who we want to mix with and who we don't want to.

And responsible decision making comes from the values we imbibe in our children. Opting for schools that do not have 'Normal Streams' is in no way an insurance to failure. Being closed to interacting with people from diverse backgrounds is a pure display of prejudice.

And it gets reinforced because of an Asian culture where reputation precedes everything and in the case of a student, their grades precede any other (non-academic) underlying strengths they may have.

For instance, one of my best friends from primary school was sent overseas to study because his parents felt he would only end up mixing with the 'wrong' friends if left in the Normal stream.

The stigma around the 'Normal Stream' students masks their potential for success in the future. It is so real that not just Parents, even Teachers respond to students from Normal streams differently.

As Mark Rozells beautifully put it:

"Prejudice doesn't appear overnight. We didn't suddenly wake up to deep class divisions, not having friends from outside our air conditioned bubbles, living in one of the most unequal countries in the world. 

Prejudice takes time. It takes root with policies, grows with administrative practices and becomes so intertwined with the very ethos of society that we forget/ ignore it. We manufacture all sorts of fiction to excuse it, to justify it."

Steer clear of Stereotypes

Parents are leaders. They are the ones setting the example for their children. Embracing such prejudice only serves to perpetuate it amongst the children. It becomes a never ending cycle when such stereotypes are spun out of control over and over again. It doesn't end with High School.

We see the same thing in inter-school competitions. Having mentored students participating in competitions from Junior Colleges, Polytechnics and ITE, I've heard from many students from ITEs and Polytechnics expressing their fear that they are not 'good enough' to win the competition.

Students seem to have adopt an inferior complex because they do not belong to an 'express' stream or 'junior college'.

So what can we do?

It may seem like a Herculean task to change the mindset of parents especially when it has been drilled in for decades. But it is not impossible.

Change starts with Awareness. We need to take a leaf out of Mark Rozells's book and call out all forms of prejudice when we see it. And it is easier for us to do so now thanks to the reach we can get through Social Media.

Changing a mindset is hard, but with persistence, it can be achieved. And the benefits of adapting a Growth Mindset is plenty

Benefits of Growth Mindset

We live in a time where the top most paid YouTuber is an 8 year old Ryan who does Toy Reviews with 10 Million subscribers. No guesses to what mindset his parents have.

It is important for Parents to realise that not all children have the same capabilities. There may be a Ryan, a Bill Gates, a Steve Jobs, a Leonardo DiCaprio, a Will Smith, an Eminem hidden within. It is only with a Growth mindset that we can allow for their seeds of potential to flower and bloom.

Grades are not everything. Focus on instilling the right values in your children. And that can only happen if parents are willing to change first.