Helicopter Parenting!

Who are Helicopter Parents?

Do you constantly shadow your toddler?

Do you select who your child must make friends with?

Do you continuously direct the behaviour of your child?

Do you end up writing a school assignment for your child in the middle of the night so that he doesn’t have to face an embarrassing situation the next morning at school?

Are you protective enough to not let your child play on any playgrounds other than those with rubber mulch?

Do you almost break down into a panic attack when your child asks for permission to go for School excursion?

Why do they become Helicopter Parents?

·       Fear of the Unknown: In an attempt to prevent the child from undergoing struggle, dejection, hopelessness, hurt, pressure or disappointment, parents begin to hover over their children to an extent that can hinder with the normal day to day functioning of the child.

·       Countervailing: Parents may do so because they may have themselves been deficient of the love and attention as kids and are trying to overcompensate for the lack in their own lives.

·       Culpability: Parents begin to take accountability of even the smallest development in the life of a child. In order to keep the inherent guilt in check for something having gone wrong with the child’s life, they may overindulge in the child’s life at every single step.

More often than not parents do not realize that their parenting style is not guided by an ideal parenting standard but by anxiety and fear of the future uncertainty.

Effects of Helicopter Parenting

·       Parents may follow this regimented parenting style, thinking that this is for the overall well-being of the children; however, they forget that this over protected environment can suffocate the child’s ability to deal confidently with the environment. Since the child becomes totally dependent upon the parents for even the smallest of decisions, he is unable to think of strategies to resolve issues and conflicts independently. In addition, this continuous dependence creates within the child a lack of the ability to create autonomy and hence lack of perceived control over the environment and his life in general. Nicole B. Perry, PhD, from the University of Minnesota conducted a research on helicopter parenting style and stated, “Our research showed that children with helicopter parents may be less able to deal with the challenging demands of growing up, especially with navigating the complex school environment.”

How to stop hovering?

·       Recondition your thoughts: For long you have been conditioned to the idea that it is the parents’ responsibility to provide solutions for the child. You need to recondition these thoughts by identifying things that the child can actually do independently. If you find this tough, look around for activities that other parents allow their kids to perform independently.

·       Ascend the slope gradually: Trust your kids with their ability to take risks on moderately difficult tasks. Then gradually proceed towards letting them take risks in tasks with slightly higher difficulty levels.  Risk taking builds confidence and the child begins to develop trust in self and in the world around.

·       Get rid of Perfectionism: No one is perfect, so how do we expect the children to perfectly resolve problems in their first attempt. Let them find less than perfect solutions and encourage them to develop their partly discovered solutions.

·       Accountability: Whether achievement or failure, the child should be able to take responsibility for it. Rather than teaching them to defend or criticise their teacher for marking their test paper wrong, ask the child to identify the strengths and weaknesses in their paper and how they need to take ownership for their performance. The more they feel responsible, the more are their chances of uncovering their latent potential rather than depending upon external forces.

·       Brainstorming: In case, letting the children make decisions makes you extra anxious, schedule a brainstorming session with them to discuss the various possible solutions to a problem along with giving them enough voice to list down the pros and cons of each. This shall ensure that every voice in the family is heard and at the same time may give you an indication towards the possible decision your child is about to take.

Hence, irrespective of how much we itch to protect our children, there is going to be a time in their lives when they will not have you. Therefore, it makes sense to arm the children with the skills to deal with the wide array of challenges that they may encounter in life. Give your kids the power of autonomy and wisdom and see them flying high with wings of freedom and responsibility.