Heavenly Creatures

A few days ago a teacher shared a post that detailed the lack of emotional sobriety in calling yourself a mythical being.

I chuckled as soon as I started reading?it.

It was written in a humorous tone yet in no uncertain terms it stated that calling yourself a goddess/prophet/healer is not a very sane thing to do.

I chuckled because I remembered how when I began attending ceremonies (with and without plant/animal medicine) I started hearing a very disturbing whisper that relentlessly assured me I was god.

I was born the year Jim Jones died in Jonestown and growing up I saw the David Koresh siege on TV. Hence, I was very aware of how wackadoodle and dangerous were the people who made such claims. So, as the whisper persisted, I tried to suffocate it.

I also didn’t tell a soul about it. I didn’t feel safe enough around anyone and I didn’t want to deal with their suggestions of medicating myself or of praying to Jesus to save me or their offers to drive me to the looney bin.

I had no context, no tools and no community where I could unfold and integrate the experience I was having. I had no other choice but to keep desiring someone who could help me understand this conundrum.

About a year or two after the whisper started, a teacher I had back then shared that a number of people had talked to her about the kind of experience I was having. However, those people had no problem with blatantly telling her “I want you to know I am God” straight after their very first plant medicine retreat.

She smirked as she told us how she’d simply reply to them “sure, I am god too”; which often confronted the self-proclaimed god-like creatures. Some would say to her “no, no, no, I don’t think you understand, I AM GOD” probably meaning they were ‘that what is supreme above all’.

The thing is — she said, the first time we come to openly connect with It, that what is beyond us, we get acknowledged and we misunderstand that acknowledgement of our part in the All.

The spark, that what is divine, that what is magic says “hi, I see you, I am you, let’s connect” and our conditioning has it be that we make that acknowledgement mean that we are The God of the monotheistic pantheon or some other god or creature who is above the rest.

Therefore, I sighed with great relief when I heard her alternative explanation of the whispers I had been?hearing.

Finally, context. Finally, I could continue the dialogue with the source of the whisper. Finally, I could reply “I am god, you are god, everything is god”. I no longer needed to hide whilst the whisper drove me to crazy nor did I need to take what I heard at face value and lead the world as the next messiah.

I understood then that believing oneself superior to others is at the core of the insanity that has led people to hoist that claim of being a god and propel their own ungrounded and fear and trauma-based agenda.

Eventually, that imprinted sensation coming from the whisper became a subtle “I am” that I could keep deep in my heart and also use as an invitation to raise my awareness and see the god in everyone else.

I feel grateful for that moment of sobriety, for my teacher who generously shared a grounding explanation for an experience that is massively taboo. I feel grateful for myself, for being capable of holding that transmission long enough so that a more refined interpretation of it saved me from causing a lot of wreckage.

Having said that, in my line of work, it’s common to see people calling themselves all sorts of mythical beings and I have come to disregard that as a quirk of the field. Thanks to the post my teacher shared, I broke out of a stupor and realised that I have become accustomed to a lack of sobriety and that is not who I want to be.

I mean, I get the desire to be connected with That What Is All, to be part of It and the eagerness to have a role in creation. What troubles me is the rush to take new names and position themselves as related to something or someone higher in an arbitrary rank that leaves us, humble humans, underneath and needing their help or favour.

I am yet to see someone renaming themselves “potato”? Unassuming and earthy “potato”, as divine and as worthy as the most beautiful angelic creature but less “sophisticated” and “attractive” for the dominant culture.

Because this is all about carving a role that means something within the dominant culture, isn’t it? Even if the niche group is TikTok teen witch candidates, it’s about not being ourselves. We as we are, aren’t enough, aren’t we?. We have to be above somebody somehow. Be special. Be divine. Be not human. Be separate.

Even the common way to address women in certain circles as “goddesses” is frankly revolting. Why not “woman”? “Woman” is more than enough for me! It’s hard enough to be one and stay present!

I believe privilege fosters the lack of emotional sobriety many folks showcase when they first connect to the divine and go down the route of being more special than thou.

I believe I held my experience so tightly and under wraps because I have Indigenous ancestry. That is people who were tortured and murdered for how they expressed a connection with the divine. Hence, the threat of violence, either religious-based or in the form of science-backed confinement, was always on my mind whenever I heard the whisper; it kept me conscious and mindful about any further movement.

I believe that had I had more privilege, more reassurance that nobody would challenge my ungrounded claims or, if they did, the sense that I had enough capacity to turn around their attacks into a prophecy for my benefit, the belief that I was more special than everyone else and needed to be addressed as Doctoratrix Supreme Being when leading others to their demise might have begun to grow roots.

I believe that we are first and foremost, human beings. Animals with complex feelings (and minds prone to anxiety thanks to the dominant culture) and a tremendous attachment to feeling special and better than others (also thanks to the indoctrination courtesy of the dominant culture).

I don’t condone the marginalisation and violence my ancestors and I have been subjected to and at the same time, I don’t see them as necessary to have a more grounded grasp of our connection to the divine. I understand that scientific explanations may discard the magic of a numinous encounter, but what we initially understand isn’t often the most refined version of the message we got. It’s up to us to seek the refinement of what we received and work on our understanding as there are some well-known patterns that ought to be tackled before pursuing any “divine” association.

Challenge your mythical persona. Say you truly believe you are an Arcturian being who came here to lead us all out of this mess, then start by describing all the privileges you have profited from so far as a human being and how you plan to dissolve it for the benefit of all beings. Then, tell me how you in your mythical capacity are not better than me or anyone or anything and how you plan to keep that sense of superiority in check. Should you succeed in elaborating a convincing argument, I want you to tell me how you plan to be of service and how you are taking responsibility for what you bring to this world so that it doesn’t end up reinforcing the existing consentless power-over system.

And let me be clear, neither myself nor anyone who challenges your “divine” stance has to hold space for you FOR FREE, should you have feelings when your mythical persona starts to crumble.

Godspeed.