Heartbreak is Divine

Heartbreak is Divine???????(Written, 11 Feb 2011 08:26 PM PST)

Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”

Romans 12:19?

Some people know of my past limelight and legendary "Carlton Case". My Life IS A extreme anomaly. THERE IS NOT a similar story, not in life, NOR literature over centuries of human trials and tribulations. The Simple fact is, I STAND APART AND ALONE. What I find most interesting, is how religion and evidence of Divine assistance is so obvious to ascertain in my case, yet the vast majority get caught up, distracted by darkness (by their own egos and victim mentalities) rather than recognize and SEE THE LIGHT.

I became a renowned Balas Teshuvah (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baal_teshuva) and nearly a martyr. I have grown to understand what that means outside of the scope of formal, impersonal knowledge which rabbis have tried to insist, while ignoring the scriptural, symptomatic checklist.

?It is NOT a process of returning

Rather, it is a process of remembering, learning, and building inner strength within a maturation period of time on a level of desire and suffering which must be ventured in order to sincerely BREAK away from ego attachments and Truly "walk like christ". I call this THE PHOENIX PROCESS of spiritual evolution. I have learned through some, more simplistic Kabbalah studies, that as human beings, most of us are driven primarily through our emotions: happiness, grief, sorrow and fear, even our sixth sense can direct us or impede our forward, positive movement.

?However, it is LOVE which can override them all. It is through love that human beings have faced merciless fires to their death. Humans have suffered pain so excruciating that we would give up anything to be allowed to die. That is, anything BUT the life of the ones we love. Why? Why does GOD torture us for the sake of love? I will share more of what I have learned and have come to know.

Emotions, like everything else in the universe have a duality, balance and connect energetically to what is nonphysical in substance. I will refer more precisely to what we can consider to be negative emotional reactions, verse what we believe is a more positive emotional experience. Love, which can be so powerfully positive, can turn into Obsession and heartbreak, when negative conditions significantly interfere. However, GOD loves us unconditionally. He has no limitations, no boundaries. He emanates what is already of perfect balance, merely by His existence He creates. There is confirmation of these facts all around us, although most people will not recognize such infinite characteristics in their daily, mundane experiences because our own personal, ego rooted emotions and desires distract us from the deeper, metaphysical reality.

?Now, reconsider heartbreak. Consider being dismembered as punishment for interfering in your children’s execution, or worse, watching your child, or your wife, or your husband suffer to this extreme. I can tell you how I felt. I can tell you what went through my mind and heart and soul, and despite the gore and horror I can also tell you that God was there. I am certain that God was there. I am sure that I need to write more with regard to my certainties, but for now I simply want to share an aspect of my experience, and heartbreak at a level that ego and negative distractions cannot withstand.

A level where all other earthly distractions are removed, but pure unconditional love, which transcends life, remains. It is within such transcendence and self-sacrifice that our perceptions change, our intellect broadens, and our soul cries out to GOD. His infinite essence is the only things which can balance, or even break through that degree of darkness. I can give you an example. I had been wrongfully incarcerated for several weeks when my healthy, three-month old son’s body was found, having been suffocated in the care of a babysitter his legal foster mother (my estranged brother’s wife) had hired. I was still lactating at that time from having been furiously pumping my breast milk prior to my impending imprisonment, having been promised that my milk would be properly given to my son while he was in foster care.

?I had been placed on isolated confinement after correctional officers’ intentionally let my most hideous, false charges be known throughout the large detention center during the first night of my stay. I quickly became the local, then national and later international media monster of that time. Under constant harassment and hatred from staff and prisoners alike. I was starved, persecuted, physically tortured to the extent that I later needed corrective surgery deprived of sleep, subjected to dangerous temperature extremes, and charged with endless and unjustified internal violations so to receive additional punishments and continuous, harsh reprimands on and off records with the lie of "disciplinary excuses".

?Of course it was painful, but not to the same depth as what rapidly evolved. I was a Jewish prisoner in a most evangelical, anti- Semitic, Maryland county detention center. I was given No Rights. Normally, prisoners are informed of family deaths through correctional policies and religious protocols administered via internal Chaplin’s office procedures. Rather, the local sheriff’s department seized the opportunity of my infant son’s gory murder as a weapon to crack my mind and break my spirit. Many high ranking correctional officers and county executives knew I was an innocent woman. They knew that I would be free to sound alarms against them if they could not destroy me and the growing coalition of cyber supporters first. Collective civil court –family court efforts against me had been developing for years prior to the political catapult into the criminal arena.?Being born from a Jewish mother and Catholic father was bad enough. However, it was the degree of judicial prejudice I experienced in the midst of my divorce and custody battles over my daughter, and eventually my son which lead me into the governing?underground of corrupt, criminal trenches.

?Strategically, I was setup to be tortured. Shackled and hand cuffed behind my back (an all too common occurrence) I was escorted to the Chaplin’s Office. An archaic restraint chair was positioned in the hall next to the office door.

before I was moved and more extremely beaten. As GOD was my witness, I cried out. I did not cry because of the pain, nor was I crying for the sake of my children. I was crying out because my perception became so crystal clear that what was happening to me was?so unbelievable, and I had been such a religious woman, all I could do was to endure, and cry out to my Lord, my heavenly Father, my savior. I can now tell you that the pain was not a distraction, if anything it actually enhanced my desire to reach out to GOD, to question, why?

On that level GOD became my priority, unconditionally. I was not consumed by fear or any negative emotion. I knew my children loved me, and I knew that GOD loved me to, and as that perception became more clear, something from within breathed strength into me and carried my thoughts and emotions to a higher place. I know GOD was there. I believe that the connections I made, and what I have learned through that experience, and unfortunately many other experiences like it, were required in my Phoenix process, the process of Teshuvah, the process of enlightenment, no matter how brief, completely taps the divine.

ERGO, REMEMBER YOUR OWN PERSONAL HEARTBREAK. What was the timing and how did it mold and shape you? Did the mundane mater as much to you at that time?

Please do not get me wrong... I am not here to confess that God is a heartbreaker, nor that HE finds pleasure in suffering. What I'm telling you is that GOD, our Father wants OUR HIGHEST GOOD, lovingly, infinitely with compassion and mercy. However, baby teeth need to fall out before our adult teeth painfully push through. Later there will hopefully be rest and recovery (The Sabbath of our suffering). Even The Lord Himself went through the evolution of creating this world, THEN ON THE SEVENTH DAY HE RESTED.

?-Valerie Carlton-

*RISING