The Heart of the Matter: 8 Critical Skills in Harnessing the Power of Connection

With the return of R U OK? Day, I found myself wandering down memory lane, musing over my time as a Psychologist, and as a volunteer Telephone Crisis Counsellor, and how I’ve applied these skills into the corporate world. The skills I acquired in supporting people in their darkest hours, when all hope was seemingly lost, have been profoundly useful in my career in organisational consulting and more recently in building a truly customer-led, relationship focussed business. ?In what can feel like an increasingly superficial world at times, there's a bit of magic to be had in authentically blending the world of heartfelt listening with the vibrant pulse of customer interaction.

As we bask in the glow of R U OK? Day, let us take this momentary celebration of compassionate communication, woven with threads of empathy, understanding, and genuine connection and utilise them in our everyday interactions. Here’s to not just engaging, but truly bonding, fostering relationships that are both profound and mutually beneficial. Here’s to heartfelt conversations and connections that resonate deeply and challenge the superficiality of the corporate ideology.

Here are the musings of a ‘’big softy’’ shifting the dial on what it takes to be successful in the consulting and corporate world...

Attending: A Lesson in Unwavering Attention

Ah, the beautiful art of attending. In my crisis counselling days, it was about being fully present, absorbing the essence of every word, every sigh. Even more so, it was about recognising the unspoken words, the silence. Jump to my role today as Chief Problem Solver (self-proclaimed title), success is about valuing each client, ensuring they feel heard, and their challenges validated. Being present and prioritising their needs over our own desire (i.e., to be the solution/service provider to their need) fosters a professional bond that goes beyond mere transactions. These bonds create long term, mutually beneficial working relationships that stand the test of time.

Silence: The Golden Pause

Sometimes, it's in the silence that the most profound connections are forged. Much like my former callers in crisis, it’s about giving our clients the reins, letting them dictate the pace, and truly owning their journey - it's a gentle reminder that we are here, ready to sit with them in the quiet moments, discovering the unsaid, feeling the unspoken, and embracing the silent symphonies of connection. It might sound a bit too personal in the corporate world, but people ultimately prefer an authentic approach over the ick and superficiality of a jabbering consultant or salesperson. ?Don’t feel like you need to lead a conversation, when you allow space for reflection, you’d be amazed to see where client’s take you.

Reflecting and Paraphrasing: A Mirror to Their Stories

And then, we have the magic of reflecting and paraphrasing. It's more than just nodding along waiting for your chance to spew your Management Consultant 101 sales pitch; it's about dancing in tune with their narrative, embracing their story, and echoing it back with empathy and understanding. It's a waltz of words, where we mirror their sentiments, letting them know that their story is not just heard, but felt and understood. If you can master this art, you will never have to demonstrate or prove the value of your services, it will be intrinsically recognised by your client.

Clarifying: The Art of Understanding

Then comes the wonder of clarifying. It’s akin to peeling an onion, layer by layer, to unveil the core. In the clinical setting, through gentle, open-ended questions, we explore their emotions, nudging them to unfold their story without a script, fostering a space where understanding blossoms naturally, without force or pretence. This is no different in the professional landscape; by selflessly exploring their challenge (i.e. without the pretence of finding a way to plug our services), we can help our client’s gain clarity on their situation, and ascertain whether we are genuinely the right solution for the need.

Focusing: Zooming into the Heart of the Matter

Next on our journey is the pivotal point of focusing. It's a collaborative effort, a mutual agreement to sieve through the noise and zoom into the essence of their concerns. Together, we sculpt a path that leads us to the heart of their narrative, a path that holds the promise of resolution and understanding. When callers are in crisis it's easy to assume they know what their true problem is, but often the reason for their call is the result of a chain of events that led them to this crisis point. In the professional domain, there’s a great art in assisting clients to step back and gain clarity on their true challenge, versus going for the quick sell on the first recognisable problem.

Building Rapport: Crafting Connections with a Heartbeat

Let’s not forget the joyous venture of building rapport. For me, this is what I pride myself on in the professional domain. The majority of my client engagements have some form of a warm embrace, a friendly handshake, a walking meeting, or a casual coffee, all based on a bond that resounds with authenticity. It's about fostering a connection that pulsates with understanding, trust, and mutual respect, building bridges that stand steadfast in the face of time. In crisis calls I often had just 20 minutes to take someone from the brink of suicide to having the hope and purpose to live another day. Connection is at the core of human desire, if you can harness this you will have clients for life.

Summarising: Weaving the Tapestry of Their Tale

As we venture further, we embrace the grace of summarising, a gentle weave of their story into a tapestry that reflects their context. It's an acknowledgment of their journey, a crystallisation of their experiences into a narrative that resonates with empathy and depth. Humans have always learnt and connected through storytelling, and in the professional world this skill carries significant weight in enabling clients to connect to your ability to help them.

Immediacy: The Heartfelt Here and Now

Finally, we reach the touchstone of immediacy, a vibrant exchange that marries the personal with the professional. It's about sharing a slice of our own soul, fostering a dialogue that is raw, real, and resonant. It's the courageous act of unveiling our own feelings in the critical moment, fostering a bond that thrives on authenticity and connection. In crisis moments, this has taken form in my own vulnerability, sharing my own hardships, and sitting with them on their level. With clients, it’s about demonstrating the humility of our own journey, understanding the individual impact the corporate challenge is having on them personally, and our desire to support them.

So there it is! Let’s take the momentary focus of R U OK Day and infuse its ethos in our daily interactions with a splash of empathy, a dash of understanding, and a hearty dose of genuine connection. It's more than possible, it's essential. Let's make our professional journey not just ''successful'', but truly enriching and purpose led.