Heart here, who dis?

This is the grandaddy of all questions.

It goes to the core of who you are. It defines your life.

What makes “you?”

You’ll see why this is such a big question and how the answer changes everything. Keep reading.

Choices all around you

Life is all about choices. We make them all day, every day. Some are small. “Should I have Cheerios or eggs for breakfast?” Some are large. “Who should I marry? What kind of work should I do?”

The answer to those questions comes from your set of core beliefs. These are your foundational ideas about the world and your place in it. It's where your heart takes you.

Take breakfast, for example. A person with a core belief in healthy living will be more inclined to reach for oatmeal over Pop Tarts. Their small decision (what to have for breakfast) is driven by their larger decision (I want to be a healthy person).

You don’t often think about your core beliefs because they’re such a deep part of you. They’re so powerful they’re nearly instinctive. But they determine nearly everything you do.

Will your core beliefs take you where you want to go?

Who am I?

Your core beliefs are often revealed in tough times.

• Telling the truth even when it hurts
• Being kind and fair even when others are cutthroat
• Empathy and compassion toward those who can’t help you (now)

I may say a core belief is being honest. But what happens when I make a huge mistake? I might find my core belief is more, “Paint myself in the best light, even if that means stretching the truth or glossing over details.”

Or take, “Be kind to others.” If a coworker or family member treats me poorly, I might find my core belief is more, “Be nice to people, unless they’re mean to me. Then I can be justified in being manipulative, or maliciously compliant to make things even.”

Finally, it’s possible to do the right thing for the wrong reasons. I can have a warped sense of “karma” or “golden rule” goodness of the world. I might do kind things because I only want people to be kind back to me. In that case, I’ve made the world about my own selfish desires.

Is this who I want to be?

Take the time to sit down with your core beliefs. It may take a while. Remember, they’re buried deep. It will be tough.

But when you do, you’ll find a few surprises.

Because these heartfelt core beliefs drive so much of your life, you’ll see results everywhere.

Let’s say I want to make my core beliefs include things like:

• Trust
• Fairness
• Loyalty
• Respect

When I’m trustworthy, I’ll be up front with clients. They’ll know they aren’t going to be surprised.

When I’m fair, I’ll be open to working with others not like me. I’ll treat people consistently. My team will know I don’t show favoritism.

When I’m loyal, I won’t leave my family hanging. I’ll take my responsibilities seriously and do what I say I will.

When I’m respectful, I’ll listen carefully to others and not assume the worst. I’ll be open to learning and changing my mind when necessary.

None of these is about being weak or passive. Quite the opposite, in fact. Core beliefs are about being strong enough to do the right thing day in and day out.

Ways to improve

When was the last time you sat down to review your core beliefs?

Here are a few suggestions:

• Go someplace different. Find a park, library, or rental office space. Anywhere that’s different from your usual routine where you won’t be interrupted.
• Put your phone on silent and out of reach. Distractions will make it hard to think clearly.

Then, take time to think (really think) about the following:

• What are my core beliefs?
• Are those beliefs what I want for my life?
• Do my actions line up to those beliefs?

Don’t rush this. Your brain will resist at first. It will want to think about something else. Anything else. Chores at home. The color of paint on the wall. What you want to eat.

Give your mind time to settle until you can start to peel away at those questions.

What happens if I don’t like what I see?

We’re all flawed characters. This isn’t an exercise in beating yourself up. It’s an exercise in improvement.

When you find something you don’t like, make a note. Ask yourself what would need to change to become the kind of person you want to be.

Ask yourself, “What would someone who was great at this core belief do? How would they act?” Then start doing more of that thing.

Deeply held core beliefs don’t change overnight. But they can change. You can become the kind of person you want to be. You might need help. That’s okay. You aren’t meant to travel life alone! Find a trustworthy friend, mentor, or professional who can walk with you.

It starts today. What are your core beliefs?