Hear vs. Listen...sshh...You May Learn Something!

Hearing and listening are two very different things. You can hear someone or something absentmindedly while concentrating on something completely different. You may be physically present but your mind is elsewhere. Effective (or active) listening is a skill to be practised until mastered. It allows you to actually receive and process a message.

We “hear” what we want to hear. We filter out sounds and tune out distractions. We are accustomed to deal with background noises and are conditioned to ignore certain sounds. How many times have you tried to get someone’s attention by speaking to them or calling their name, only to be ignored? Actually, you are most likely not being ignored. The person you are trying to reach may very well hear you, but is not “listening”. Your voice reaches their ears but they are not processing that you want their attention. Or how many times have you said to someone; “You never listen to me!”

To effectively “listen” is to make a conscious decision to focus. The person, program, video, song or other source has something to convey. It is up to you to devote your time in receiving, analyzing, interpreting and accepting the message. When making a conscious decision to actively listen, you are acknowledging the importance of the message. It is easy to get distracted or feel the need to interrupt but there are ways to maintain focus:

In Person:

• Use a private space with a closed door if possible.
• Acknowledge what the other person is saying by smiling or nodding.

By Telephone:

• Stare at one spot and focus.
• Acknowledge what the other person is saying with “yes” or “mmm hmmm” (make sure you are genuinely listening or the other person will notice when you interject at the wrong time).

Always:

• Find a quiet place to talk.
• Be neutral, patient and open-minded.
• Respect by not interrupting.
• Write down questions to be clarified later.
• If you did not hear something, ask the person to say it again.
• Repeat their points as validation and understanding.
• If you disagree, discuss calmly.
• Encourage feedback and dialogue.

In person, it is usually easy to see if someone is actively listening by their body language, expressions and responses. Over the telephone, the responses indicate whether or not a person is really listening or simply hearing. Either way, it is always a good idea to not initiate or entertain a conversation unless you have the time and energy to effectively do so. In most cases, it is perfectly alright to let someone know you are not able to speak at this time.

If there are situations where you cannot reschedule a call or meeting, such as when at work, it is extremely important to put everything else aside and force yourself to “listen”. Your job, contract and/or reputation may depend on it.

Effective listening promotes appreciation, leads to gaining knowledge and builds stronger relationships. Whether you are with friends, colleagues or customers, by exercising active listening skills you are displaying characteristics of trust, authenticity and empathy. You are proving they are worthy of your time and interest.

By applying active listening skills, you are essentially training yourself to be a better friend, vendor, colleague or leader. People will naturally want to engage in conversations with you because they will feel respected.

While we use our ears to hear and listen, we must use our brains to accept the message. There will be times when you won’t want to “listen” but it will be necessary to not just “hear”. This is where self-discipline and focus are essential. The benefits heavily outweigh the negatives. Imagine everything you may miss when choosing to ignore. Imagine what you may learn when choosing to engage.

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If you found this article valuable and want to read future posts, I invite you to follow me for additional interesting content. You may also be interested in my previous posts:

“Multitask or Prioritize?”:

https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/multitask-prioritize-vered-lerner?trk=prof-post

“The Value of Value”:

https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/value-vered-lerner?trk=prof-post

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