Healthy and Unhealthy Ways to Handle Conflicts

I’ve heard it said that the mark of a healthy relationship isn’t two people who always get along. Instead, it’s two people who can disagree, express their differing opinions, and still care for each other at the end of the day. That rule doesn’t just apply to romantic relationships; it’s also true in how you handle conflict with your friends, family, and colleagues.?

When you experience conflict with someone, it’s important to remember what your goal is. If you want to maintain a good relationship with them, then your goal is to be heard. It’s not to ridicule the other person for their beliefs or force them to think what you think. Keeping that in mind makes it easy to disagree in a constructive manner.?

? Address conflict. Maybe you think it’s better to avoid talking about your differences and preserve the status quo. The problem is, the status quo of your relationship has already been compromised. Even unspoken conflict changes how two people feel about each other. It’s better to talk about how you’re feeling than try to roll right past it, and it can often keep disagreements from snowballing.?

?? Skip the passive aggressive comments. If your co-worker is often late in her work, you may be tempted to say something like, “Well look who actually turned her portion of the project in on time!” That snarky statement doesn’t address the fact that when your co-worker is late for her work, you have to work overtime to catch up. It just stirs the pot without coming to any sort of resolution. Be direct in addressing your concerns.

? State how YOU feel. You want the other person to understand what’s bothering you. Sure, it sounds like cheesy advice from your middle school guidance counselor, but “I feel…” statements really are the way to go during an argument.?

?? On that note, don’t make accusations. Even if you know a person well, you can’t make assumptions about why they acted a certain way. And any sentence that starts with “Well, you ALWAYS …” is bound to escalate the fight.?

? Know when to let it go. “Agree to disagree” isn’t just a cliche. It’s the key to resolving a lot of conflict you experience. If someone’s different opinion isn’t causing you or anyone else harm, you may need to try to accept the differences.?

?? Don’t compromise your core beliefs. You’re going to have people in your life who have really different opinions on certain things. If someone has conflicting beliefs that go against something you really believe in, it’s okay to place value on those beliefs. If you disagree with someone on how people deserve to be treated or what kind of rights they should have, that relationship probably isn’t worth nurturing.?

At the end of the day, the number one rule to handling conflict is to talk to the other person the way you want to be spoken to. You can’t force them to change their opinion, you can only control the way you speak and act.