Is It Healthy to Stay Friends with an Ex?

Managing post-breakup relationships can be quite a maze, and many people wonder if it’s wise, or even possible, to stay friends with an ex. As a matchmaker, I see people in every dating phase, from heart-stopping romances to amicable breakups and, for some, challenging endings. The one question I am often asked is: Is staying friends with an ex healthy?

A study from Kansas State University found that 60% of people maintain some level of friendship with their exes. But here’s where it gets interesting: while many believe they can keep things platonic, only about 18% report a genuinely “healthy” friendship with them that doesn’t interfere with their new relationships.

Keep in mind that staying friends is not a one-size-fits-all decision, and there are a few key factors that influence it:

1. Mutual Respect and Understanding If the breakup was mutual and you parted ways on good terms, staying friends might be more manageable. There’s a sense of respect, and maybe even admiration, that doesn’t always need to dissolve. This type of friendship can be genuine and last if both parties have truly moved on.
2. Emotional Maturity Friendships with exes require emotional maturity from both sides. Are both parties capable of handling the platonic boundaries without old feelings resurfacing? If the answer is yes, this friendship could be a positive presence in your life.
3. Shared Social Circles Staying friends can be especially beneficial if you share a social circle or workplace. Staying on friendly terms avoids unnecessary awkwardness and stress, allowing for smoother interactions and genuine support in professional and social settings.

When Friendship Might Not Be a Good Idea

Of course, staying friends isn’t always smooth sailing. Here’s when it might be a good idea to cut all ties and part ways for good:

• Emotional Baggage: If there are unresolved feelings or an inclination to rekindle the romance, trying to stay friends could be more confusing than healthy.
• Jeopardizing Future Relationships: New partners can feel insecure about your relationship with your ex. If a friendship jeopardizes your ability to fully commit to someone new, it’s probably time to rethink.
• Toxic Dynamics: If the relationship was toxic or painful, it’s often best to cut ties. Real healing can require distance and the chance to reset your own boundaries and self-worth.

Ultimately, it isn’t about rigid rules but about self-discovery and understanding your boundaries. Are you gaining a valuable friend or holding onto a romantic “what-if”? By honestly assessing where you stand, you’re more likely to make a decision that leads to growth rather than stagnation.

If you do decide to keep the friendship, here’s my advice:?Give it time.?Jumping straight into a friendship post-breakup is tricky. Allow yourself time to process, heal, and gain clarity. Distance can be an incredible teacher, revealing your ex's genuine place in your life—whether as a friend, a memory, or a stepping stone to something greater.

Final Thoughts

Healthy romantic or platonic relationships are based on mutual respect, clear boundaries, and a commitment to personal growth. So, if staying friends checks these boxes, embrace it. But don't be afraid to step away if it leaves you confused or holding onto the past. Remember, the healthiest relationships—with an ex or anyone else—are those that add value to your life and make you feel good about the path forward.

And who knows? Letting go might just open you up to a better, healthier future with someone new.

Happy Dating!