Healthy Relationships Won’t Heal You—But They Can Inspire You
Lilly Rachels
Speaker | Relationship Coach | Writer | Podcast Host | Helping overthinkers communicate with clarity and build lasting relationships.
Your partner can’t love the trauma out of you, just like being with a healthy person won’t make you healthy.
If you’re waiting for “the one” to come along and love you enough to erase all your past pain... you might be waiting forever.
When you're with someone secure, emotionally regulated, and available for intimacy, their presence alone won’t magically transform you into a securely attached, emotionally available communicator. It’s beautiful to be inspired by a partner, but the transformation you're hoping for still requires you to put in the work.
Imagine this: You’re in a relationship with someone who is really fit. They go to the gym regularly, eat well, and take care of their body. Just being around them, in proximity to their healthy habits, won’t automatically make you fit. You don’t wake up with a six-pack just because you went to bed with someone who has one.
However, their lifestyle might inspire you. You may feel motivated to start hitting the gym, paying attention to your nutrition, and being intentional about your health.
And over time, if you stay consistent and keep showing up for yourself, you’ll start to see the benefits of fitness and better health in your own life.
Your partner may be the initial source of inspiration to prioritize your health—but a partner can't love you into fitness and health, just like they can’t love the trauma out of you.
No partner can magically take away the pain of your old relationships or early childhood experiences, no matter how much love they offer.
This doesn’t mean a healthy relationship can’t play a role in your healing. A secure partner can provide a safe, supportive space for you to do your inner work. But the key is: you have to choose to do the work. You have to decide to unpack your past, acknowledge your wounds, and begin the process of healing. No one can do that for you.
It’s easy to think that finding the right person will fix everything. But when you place the burden of your healing on someone else’s shoulders, you’re setting them—and yourself—up for disappointment.
The journey to emotional health and secure attachment starts with a decision: your decision to show up for yourself, treat your past wounds, and create a future where you’re capable of deeper, healthier connections.
If you’re ready to get started on this journey, I’ve created something just for you.
Relearn Relationships is a community for motivated individuals ready to transform how they show up in relationships and experience the respect, love, support, and connection they truly desire.
You’ll discover how your past influences your present and (re)learn relationship skills so you can attract healthy love and hold onto it.
You can join by clicking HERE.
As a free subscriber, you will receive:
Paid subscribers will get all of the above, PLUS:
Lastly, Founding Members will have everything listed above, AND:
I’m excited to offer this space for growth at an accessible rate for everyone.
We are pack animals, wired for connection. The quality of your relationships deeply impacts your well-being. If you’re ready to get relationally fit, I’d love to have you join us.