Healthy practices for your well-being

Everybody occasionally suffers from anxiety, bad temperament, irritability or mood swings. These negative emotions are quite a 'dragon' to tame and they feed in the darkness of your fears and insecurities, often fuelled by feelings of not being ‘good enough’, not being loved, or feeling like you do not belong.

It's also important to understand that these negative emotions can be triggered when some of your other core-needs are not being met, such as:

1. physiological needs
2. financial needs
3. need of security / safety
4. need for self-esteem, respect, praise, achievement
5. need of personal growth
6. need to make a contribution
7. need of freedom, autonomy / independence
8. need of fairness / justice

And you can struggle with your emotions if you hold on to (unhealthy) beliefs that can never be satisfied; for example:

• “I must be wealthier to be financially safe”
• “I must prove that I am better than people think I am …”
• “I must become the best at whatever I do”
• “Others must pay me respect”

Whilst coaching can best help you actualize your needs and evolve your belief system to overcoming these negative emotions, a number of simple practices can help you enhance your emotional health. Here's a few for you to practice on your own; may I invite you to select a few amongst this list?

#1: Keep walking

In the words of Paul Dudley White:

"A vigorous five-mile jog will do more good for an unhappy but otherwise healthy adult than all the medicine and psychology in the world."

#2: Power your life with (at least) three boosters

Besides work and family, we need a third (or fourth, or fifth..) passion to stimulate and inspire ourselves. This helps to ensure that you keep moving forward positively.

#3: Identify your recurrent emotional triggers

Identify patterns, and then work-out the ‘downward arrows technique ’, to build up an action plan to improve things; that technique is described on pages 11 and 12 of this document.

#4: Take responsibility for your emotions

Say "I feel angry" instead of "you make me angry".

When in conflict with someone, remember to address his/her behavior(s) and to not criticize the person.

#5: Hold yourself back from reacting immediately when you are upset

Imagine you just received an aggressive/disrespectful email and you are enraged. ‘Take five’ to cool down, and don’t respond before your adrenaline is fully released.

• Go out for a 5-minute walk when the pressure is high, or just go the washroom to freshen up
• Listen to your favorite soothing music for 5 minutes when you are ‘boiling’ inside
• Look for a while at an object or a picture you love till you calm down

Then set up a face-to-face discussion when possible:?they diffuse tensions way better than email wars!

#6: Don't sleep over your negative emotions

If they keep you awake, stand up from your bed and write them down, then apply the 'downward arrow technique'.

"If you can't sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there and worrying. It's the worry that gets you, not the lack of sleep." - Dale Carnegie

#7: Focus on the positive for at least 5-mins a day

Take five minutes in the early morning or before bed to meditate or just reflect about the positive things in your life and what you can be grateful for.

#8: Consciously choose to see the positive in dangers

Train your mind to see the good in every situation, for in every ‘risk’ or ‘crisis’ there is opportunity aside of danger. The Chinese chose to signify ‘risk’ or ‘crisis’ with these 2 characters.

“There is no education like adversity” - Benjamin Disraeli

So be thankful for the next challenge in your life or career and cheer yourself up: “I will rise to the occasion and learn from it”.

#9: Reply 'Thank You' to a statement that you believe to be hostile

When you perceive someone communicates aggressively with you, start your answer by ‘Thank you for sharing your thoughts/feeling’.

It helps ‘disarm’ your counterpart and shows you are not afraid.

When you believe someone is combative with you, ask her/him: “Can you please elaborate (on your intention here)?”

#10: Stay detached but empathize with the other party in a conflict

As Steven Covey phrased it,

“Seek to understand first”.

Ask the ‘opposing’ party about their concerns, fears, beliefs, assumptions, interests before you share yours.

#11: Surround yourself with enough positive people

If you perceive that some people are deeply negative around you, invite them to go and seek professional help.

#12: Do at least one kind act a day

Do so with absolutely no expectation of return.

Try it out! It does wonders to your inner happiness, which in turn keeps you more at peace.

#13: Tell significant others that they are important to you

As easy as that is, it strengthens the relationship and enhances all parties’ self-esteem. It makes it easy to address issues later on.

#14: Laugh enough - at least once a day!

In the words of Lord Byron,

"Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine."

#15: Give a long hug to someone you love at least once a day!

Research has shown that a 20-second hug releases oxytocin, the natural bonding hormone and neurotransmitter which combats depression and anxiety.

Enjoy the gifts of your greater well-being this week!

Here's to your Greatness!

Jean-Francois Cousin

Global Executive & Team Coach, MCC

Speaker, Author, Former Chairman of ICF Global Board