Healthy Conversations that Make a Difference: A Guide for Youth Development Leaders

My intention is to guide and empower youth development professionals to help young people become skilled, respectful, and confident communicators. Contact me if you need more support. There are engaging activities suggested that you can use in your work with youth to make learning even more impactful. Hope you enjoy!

Stanford behavioral scientist Percy Mistry and his team conducted functional MRI scans of teen brains, ages 13-16 ?. During the scans, they played recordings of the participant’s mother as well as other voices the participant did not know. Earlier, the research team conducted a similar study on younger children, ages 7-12. They hoped to discover how a child’s brain might respond to these voices, depending on their age.

They discovered when the younger children’s brains identified their mother’s familiar voice, it triggered all sorts of responses beyond that of merely hearing, including reward centers and emotion processing regions.

When the teenagers were studied, however, their brains responded differently. The teen brains showed a stronger response to unfamiliar voices, triggered by intrigue and curiosity. The teen brain began processing rewards and assigning social value to the new voices more than familiar ones. The researchers concluded that this change helps teenagers develop socially and form connections with people outside of their families. As a teen matures, their brain naturally pays attention to new voices; it’s a way of growing up. It may not be rebellion at all. It may simply be that they are becoming their own person.

So, how can youth development coaches leverage this neuroscience discovery to guide their young?

A teacher will have a unique, unfamiliar voice with students and can reinforce important values that a parent can only hope to communicate to their teen. As our kids grew into their teen years, for instance, we built close relationships with their teachers.

Engaging young people in meaningful and healthy conversations can be transformative. John Maxwell emphasizes the value of connection, respect, and active listening in every conversation, and his insights can inspire youth development leaders and mentors to help young people foster strong, supportive dialogues.

Here’s a breakdown of these concepts with examples and activities to guide adult coaches working with youth.

1. Demonstrate Care in Conversations

A healthy conversation starts by showing genuine interest in others. Mother Teresa's words, "Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless," highlight the impact of expressing empathy and concern.

Model attentive body language and kind responses. When teaching youth, emphasize that showing care through simple words, eye contact, and smiles helps build trust and open dialogue.

Encourage each youth to have a conversation with a friend or family member where they show genuine interest in that person's life. Afterward, they can share how they felt when focusing solely on the other person’s needs and experiences.

2. Cultivate Respect in Communication

Respect in conversation is about recognizing that everyone has the right to speak and be heard. It’s about seeing others as individuals with unique perspectives, not just listeners.

Create scenarios where they take on the role of listener, demonstrating open-minded responses. This teaches youth that respect means valuing others’ ideas, even if they differ from their own.

Activity :“Speak and Listen Circle” In a circle, each youth gets two minutes to share a story, opinion, or experience while others practice listening without interrupting or judging. After each turn, participants reflect on how it felt to be listened to without interruption.

3. Practice Active Listening

Active listening is key to making others feel understood. When people know they’re being truly heard, they feel safe and valued. Demonstrate active listening without interrupting, paraphrasing, or jumping to conclusions. Reinforce that active listening encourages youth to feel acknowledged and validated.

Activity for Youth: “Listening Mirrors” Pair up the youth and let one person share their thoughts while the other mirrors their words back. Then, switch roles. This exercise not only builds active listening skills but also reinforces the idea that listening is a powerful tool in building connections.

4. Go Beyond Words: Nonverbal Communication

Our body language and tone can say more than our words. Over 70% of our communication is nonverbal, so how we present ourselves is crucial.

Role-play scenarios with varied tones and expressions. This helps coaches guide youth in understanding that words alone aren’t always enough, and sometimes nonverbal cues speak louder.

Activity for Youth: “Silent Conversations” Have participants communicate a message using only body language, expressions, and gestures. For example, they might express "excitement," "confusion," or "frustration" nonverbally. Then, discuss how nonverbal cues affect our interactions and understanding of others.

5. Building Community Through Communication

Creating a sense of community is essential in group settings. True community isn’t the absence of disagreement but rather the ability to work through conflicts with respect and mutual understanding.

Facilitate open discussions on handling disagreements constructively. This helps coaches teach youth that healthy relationships require patience, understanding, and often compromise.

Activity for Youth: “Team Building Story” Create a story-building activity where each youth adds a line to a story, creating an inclusive and fun narrative. This helps them practice working together and respecting each contribution.

Self-Talk: The Foundation of Healthy Conversations

Maxwell also emphasizes the power of our internal dialogue. The conversations youth have with themselves shape their outlook on life and influence their interactions with others.

Model the importance of positive self-talk by sharing examples and practicing affirmations with the youth. Encourage coaches to recognize moments when self-talk could help youth overcome doubts or fears.

Activity for Youth: “Positive Affirmations” Encourage youth to recite a list of positive affirmations each day. Examples include:

• “I am capable.”
• “I am open to new ideas.”
• “I make a difference.”

Overcoming Procrastination: “Do It Now!”

An important lesson for young people is learning to take action without delay. Procrastination holds many back, but self-motivation can be cultivated.

Share examples of how overcoming procrastination has helped them achieve goals. Coaches can guide youth to understand that taking action builds momentum and confidence.

Activity for Youth: “The 7-Day Action Challenge” Challenge youth to pick a task they’ve been putting off and commit to working on it every day for a week. This could be anything from a school project to a hobby. Each day, they’ll use the phrase “Do it now!” as motivation.

These strategies and activities can be a powerful framework for youth to build healthier relationships and learn how to communicate effectively, both with others and themselves.

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