The Healthy Competition Fallacy

Moving from a WIN-LOSE to a WIN-WIN mindset as Leaders

We live in a world where divisiveness is the name of the game. Pitting ourselves against one another is adversarial by nature, but it doesn’t sound so bad when we call it “healthy competition.”

But IS it healthy?

Is it REALLY healthy to think that our gains must occur at the expense of others? That when one wins, the other must lose? It’s convenient for us when we’re winning.

It’s frustrating, exhausting, angering - you name it - when we’re losing. Especially when we’ve put some of our heart and soul into what we’re doing. The loss feels real. The pain feels real… because it IS real.

I don’t blame anyone for thinking this way. It’s not our fault, after all. What we all share in common is that society has shaped our belief systems. While cultural influences, familial factors, and other unique circumstances also shape our belief systems, there is still that red thread.?

The red thread of competition. Across the vastness of this planet, competition fuels our economies and our minds alike.

But let’s be honest – competition can sometimes be fun!

We learn competitiveness as young children playing Hide & Seek, Monopoly, Uno, or Tug of War. It doesn’t matter the game, it’s a part of how we play as children.

Fast forward to our adolescent years where getting into the right college is the focus. Many parents force us to study for the entrance exams until we get a score good enough to apply to a top school.

Why? Because attending that particular school is the recipe for success. Not everyone can get in… so it must be more valuable. We need to win.

Then fast forward to our early careers. We’re hungry. Very hungry to succeed.

No matter the profession, the expectation is to show early wins and progress up the ladder. How much money we make, our title or job function, and our status are how we define ourselves. Without realizing it, how we define ourselves is built upon the premise of “healthy competition”. It’s built upon us winning while others struggle to keep up. It fuels our ego which in turn fuels our competitive drive that much more.

Pair all of that now with the understanding that “leadership roles” are usually reserved for those at the top of the food chain. As we strive to climb higher and higher, we are naturally aiming at the top echelons of leadership. Senior Director, Vice President, or Chief Whatever Officer. We put our sights there, still believing that success is dependent on winning… while others will have to lose.

So when we find ourselves at the top of the food chain, in that very coveted position, what likely still remains?

I venture to say that, for most of us, the underlying mindset of competition still remains.?

We look at our peers and we see competition - “Who’s going to get that award / recognition?”?

We look at our bosses and see competition - “Can I get to their level faster than they did?”

Sometimes - brace yourself - we even look at our own team members and see competition - “If they shine too bright, will I stay relevant?”

I’m here to tell you that it happens to almost all of us. It happens because it’s ingrained in us.?

But, and here’s the really important part - it DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY ingrained in us.

The keys to making the change? To get freedom from the competitive mindset?

1. Recognize that it’s part of your belief system.
2. Pay attention to what you think when you observe others around you doing well. What is your inner narrative? Do you cheer them on? Or do you cringe, thinking their success means your inevitable failure?
3. In that moment, rewrite your narrative. Rewrite your new belief system. Say to yourself and others things such as, “When one person wins, we all win.” Or, “There is plenty of opportunity and greatness available for us all!”? Say it and mean it.
4. Give yourself compassion. It takes time to reframe how we look at ourselves, those around us, and the world.

When you let go of the competitive mindset, you let compassion come through. We find empathy for those around us. We find ourselves helping others freely, which oftentimes helps us naturally too.? WIN-WIN is a reality we can actually experience… if we believe it’s possible.?

And when we do believe it, we start to embody leadership principles and values centered on our hearts.

Leading with Heart is all about releasing what no longer serves us in order to embrace our truest selves. Then, and only then, can we inspire others to do the same.

? Go make greatness happen today - for you and everyone around you! ?

?? Hi! I'm Christiana Cioffi. As an Empowerment Ambassador, I've made it my mission to elevate leadership for you and your teams, so you can all reach your full potential.

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