Health Shots InFocus: 'Super' mom vs 'Supermom'!

By - Radhika Bhirani

Think about it: A chunk of our childhood memories will mostly be about watching our mother making our life her whole world. In between waking up early in the morning to hitting the sack late at night, there is so much that a mother ends up doing selflessly, for everyone, every day, with a smile on her face, and a trace of guilt about whatever she could not do.

Welcome to Health Shots InFocus, your weekly dose of wellness. Well, Mother's Day is just around the corner, and so it hit me how so many older and younger women around me carry the 'Supermom Syndrome'.

I asked Google, "Who is a supermom?" Google answered: "An exemplary mother!" In a more detailed description, the search engine explained: "A woman who performs the traditional duties of housekeeping and child-rearing while also having a full-time job." It reminded me how over the years, the idea of modern motherhood has given birth to the myth that moms can - and should - do it all, no matter how much we talk about sharing the load!

Sometimes, it is self-imposed pressure, and sometimes, the desire to meet unrealistic societal expectations, that drive women to try being a 'supermom' when all they have to be is a 'super' mom. The shift from women being housewives and homemakers to women for whom home and career matter equally, has made them master jugglers.

Now while the world has been celebrating women for this fine juggling, here's an alarm. In trying to be everyone else's superhero, a woman ends up neglecting the most important person of all — herself. That's what Supermom Syndrome does. When she tries to put everyone else's needs before her own, a woman walks on the path of physical, mental and emotional burnt out. What's worse is, she mostly does it with a smile. Often out of the conditioning that it's a woman's job or a mother's duty.

If that wasn't enough, it also includes women's desire to be 'perfect' in every role they take on in life. Here, I am reminded of an interesting interview that I did with Bollywood writer-director Tahira Kashyap Khurrana. I had asked her whether a perfect mother even exists. The mom of two immediately dismissed the idea flatly! "Perfect mother kuch bhi nahin hota hai! It is a myth created by people who do not like to see women being happy. It’s a ploy to put more pressure on all the existing pressures that a woman has," she told me. And I completely agree.

It's fair to say that tagging women as a 'Superwoman' and 'Supermom' is unfair. What should be done instead is to tell every woman that it's okay to not be able to do everything - and do it with perfection. That it's okay to not feel guilty when she is unable to meet societal expectations. That it's okay to let people judge sometimes. Logon ka toh kaam hai kehna. Nahin?

I get it, it's easier said than done. But I spoke to some young moms around me, and here are some tips I found useful to help you live like a human instead of the superhuman you expect yourself to be!

1. Stop stressing about doing it all and doing it perfectly. Give up the guilt, please.

2. Surround yourself with people who create a supportive environment for you.

3. Set aside me-time, come what may.

4. Break free from traditional gender roles at home and share the load with your partner.

5. Don't be shy to ask for help. "Trust me, it won't make you less of a woman or a mother," says a 32-year-old mom.

On that note, wishing everyone a Happy Mother's Day!