Health Shots InFocus: 'No' means 'No'

By - Radhika Bhirani

Do you find yourself saying "yes" a bit too often in life? I do. And those are the days I end up feeling overwhelmed, almost to the brink of not knowing where to begin. It's worth reflecting, you know. That sometimes, the state of mental peace and calm is only as far as uttering a two-letter word: "NO".

This week's Health Shots InFocus, your weekly dose of wellness, zooms into the lost skill of saying no. It's not everyone's cup of tea. Least of all those who inherently and incessantly try to build a world where people accept, like and love them. That happens even when we find ourselves stretched thin and overloaded by commitments. We are overcome by a feeling of guilt upon turning down requests or invitations. But little do we realise that even a little bit of "Na na na na na re" can bring a huge difference to our mental health and overall well-being.

It so happened that after a buzzing last weekend, I received two mid-week invitations. I readily said "yes". But when the moment arrived, an alarm bell rang in my head. I consciously reminded myself of the likely repercussions - a late night outing, early morning, stress, accumulated workload and fatigue. So these two times, I decided to ultimately say "no". I found it hard and kept thinking 'woh kya kahenge' or how would they feel. But for a change, I was ready to prioritise my own mental health.

Saying no may feel difficult for many reasons. For reasons unknown, it is deeply rooted in societal expectations. As women, I find that we are more conditioned than men to keep saying "yes" to everything and everyone - to prioritise the needs of others before our own. Otherwise, we may appear selfish or unemotional. This only gets worse from childhood to adulthood. And we keep finding it harder to turn down invitations, saying no to additional tasks at work, and even setting boundaries in relationships. After several years of being that person, I now feel that my worth isn't determined by whether or not I meet the expectations of others. It is about doing what makes my mind, body and soul happier.

Some people also go through the fear of missing out or what the Gen-Z calls FOMO! Most people don't want to miss social gatherings, which give them social media fodder for free. The sinking feeling of missing that excitement can drive them to overcommit on some days, not realising that it will some day, manifest as burnout.

When we don't end up setting boundaries in life - personally or professionally - we put ourselves at a risk of self-resentment, exhaustion and also a diminished sense of self-worth. So for the sake of your internal peace, it's worth trying to stop chasing external expectations and validation. Stop self-blaming or feeling guilty for saying "no".

When we decide to take on only what we can handle, we handle things better.