Healing Through Reflection: My Journey from Bullying to Empowerment

Pausing To Reflect: Why it Matters

How often do you pause to reflect on your journey and how far you've come?

I don't mean listing prizes and accolades. Of course, those are important, but what I mean here is truly pausing to acknowledge your path through life in its entirety.

You might be shaking your head at this point: what is he talking about?

And you’d be forgiven for doing that—after all, I rarely looked back myself, always so focused on the future, chasing the next goal or thrill.

As I entered my fifth decade, though, I felt something shifting within me. Many call it a midlife crisis: I think that's reductive. To me, it's transformation. I believe in cycles, and life is made of them: one cycle ends, and another begins.

This year, my moment arrived. I'm right in between two cycles.

Driven by a desire to understand my purpose and unlock my potential, I realised that the only way forward was to go back and explore my past. And that's how it began: the story of my memoir (which is still very much a work in progress, by the way).

Writing a memoir isn't for the faint-hearted. It's a slow, often painful process of reliving memories, some pleasant, some less so. Nevertheless, it's incredibly insightful. It is the ultimate recognition of how far one has come, both in space and time. To someone like me, a high-achiever with an anxiety disorder, there's no greater sense of accomplishment!

Starting Anew in a Foreign Land: Hopes, Ideals and a Harsh Truth

Seventeen years ago, I left Italy for the UK. Fourteen years ago, at 26, I began my professional journey. Until then, my family supported me financially, allowing me to focus on my studies. I'll always be grateful, but starting work so 'late,' especially in a foreign country with a new language, was challenging. Despite my age, I still felt like a child inside, unsure of my identity or future.

I approached work with a solid ethic and a desire to excel. I thought that would be enough to guarantee success. How na?ve! Of course, nothing in life is ever that simple, and I soon learned the harsh truth about workplace bullying. In a previous post, I discussed my anxiety and depression: while many factors contributed to my condition, workplace bullying was by far the greatest trigger (and a major obstacle to my professional development).

The Many Faces of Bullying

As bullying can take many forms, it can be very hard to identify. Unaware of the dynamics in a foreign workplace and trusting that it was all “friendly banter,” I often gaslit myself into thinking I was just too sensitive.

Now that I have learned to honor my feelings and set boundaries, I know that what I went through wasn’t merely due to being a highly sensitive person. Reflecting on the past 14 years, the sheer magnitude of what I endured truly stunned me.

What I experienced ranged from inappropriate comments about my sexuality, personal relationships, accent, choice of clothing, and health and fitness lifestyle, to more serious episodes including being deliberately set up for failure and micromanaged to prevent me from developing and thriving at work. On a particular instance, I was treated as a scapegoat for a mistake I didn’t make and was physically detained in the office until well past 7 pm. I still remember feeling a mixture of terror and horror as if my life were endangered.

Freedom Is What You Do With What's Been Done To You

Each and every single one of these episodes caused immense hurt, pain, isolation, depression, anxiety, and at its worst, suicidal ideation.

I've spent countless hours seeking reasons for the bullying: I thought knowing why would end the pain. In time, I realized how wrong I was. I once read that “Freedom is what you do with what’s been done to you,” and indeed, I found freedom in choosing how to respond to the pain—owning my experiences and finding strength in them.

For a long time, I regretted all the professional development and opportunities I’ve lost to bullying. But what I lost, I made up in courage and bravery.

To those suffering from bullying, I know it is an incredibly lonely, hopeless, and dark place to be, but don’t give up hope. It can get better. There's hope because people are fighting for you. And one day, when you look back, you will stand proud in acknowledging just how much you’ve accomplished. You will realize what a brave warrior you have become, and that by owning your own truth, nothing will stand in the way of your dreams.