Healing To Re-Engage the World

The Eagle Newsletter - August 2021

In our August Newsletter learn about the pandemic trauma and start the process of becoming a trauma-informed and healing workplace. Assess the needs and wants of your people and use that to craft a plan to build healthy relationships and practices for the future.?

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Dear Ones,

How do you feel today?

Have you been able to take a summer break? Or, if not, at least been able to dedicate a couple of hours to yourself?

Being Open to Stillness and Exploration

I know, in a culture that values the doing mode until exhaustion, it might feel awkward to just stay still and breathe inward. Believe it or not, we can become addicted to the doing / forcing/ struggling / controlling / rushing. We may even not know how to do this “being mode.”

But have you noticed that big events in our lives are preceded by many days and nights of feeling, witnessing, observing, thinking, dreaming, planning and waiting? And that these times in between the big events actually constitute the majority of our lives. These in-between times are anything but uneventful. In fact, they are rich with possibility and filled with opportunities for reflection and preparation.

We have summertime on our side. There is a vividness and sumptuousness about summer. There are bright colors, fresh scents, vibrant flavors, brilliant sunlight and heat's caress to help us feel renewed in the wonder of the light. Our burdens seem lighter and self-care is finally accessible as we feel compelled to stay present, relaxing and experiencing all of life's joys to their full extent during the extended sunlit hours.

We are deeply worth it.

After the year we have all faced. 99.9 percent, if not 100 percent of us, have now officially experienced some sort of trauma, some form of grief or some form of loss.?A new study published in the journal?Nature? reveals the impact of the pandemic on our collective psyche, and how it pushed us all through three stages of grief — refusal-fear, anger and acceptance.

The philosopher Alain de Botton stated, “feeling lost, crazy and desperate belongs to a good life as much as optimism, certainty and reason.” So let’s accept it as it is.?Behind the great resignation, behind the struggle to remain productive, behind fears of going back to work, behind the nervosity of our colleagues, partners, bosses and maybe ourselves, there is pain — and pain needs to be healed in order to NOT get transmitted.

Acceptance

Management is doing the things right. Leadership is doing the right things.

―?Peter Drucker

Let’s be clear, business as usual is not possible anymore. The sooner we will get it, the better we will become as leaders, managers and human beings.

If we want our people back in the workplace, we should choose to let go of all the old ways of thinking and doing. By accepting reality as it is, we can resolve and dissolve old experiences and allow them to be replaced by new, more powerful ones.

We cannot move forward until we pick up the wounded part of ourselves. We have been hurt together; we need to heal together.

I am dedicating this newsletter to all the parts that hurt inside ourselves and others. Let’s take this moment to pause and educate ourselves about trauma, as well as our true needs and wants. Stillness is needed, what hurts? What do I need? What do I want?

There is no rush. There is no right or wrong answer; only reconciliation with our self.

“Self Portrait” by David Whyte

Understanding Stress and Trauma

The moment that judgment stops through acceptance of what it is, you are free of the mind. You have made room for love, for joy, for peace. ― Eckhart Tolle

No one likes darkness, but feelings of stress, anxiety, depression, anger and grief are very normal in response to pervasive uncertainty, fear and loss. The emotional pain is real.

7 in 10 employees report the pandemic is the most stressful time of their entire professional career.?Moreover, many have experienced intense physical and/or emotional distress leading to trauma.?Left unchecked and unmanaged, this high level of fear and trauma can lead to poor outcomes at work, absenteeism and a sure recipe for burnout and suicidal thoughts.?

We know that work can be a source of stress for many, but we can also make it a place of healing. With the trauma so widespread, we must understand how to create or strengthen a psychologically healthy workplace.

Becoming Trauma-Informed

Healing needs to be a collective process to work well. ― Lundy Bancroft

In a society that values performance as a way of being, there is a lot of shame around trauma and emotional pain.?It is as if we cannot let the world see our delicate and hurting side. We deny our traumas, our hurts and our sorrows thinking that it protects us from judgment, sarcasm and humiliation.

We do this in order to feel safe, in order to make sense of the world. But it contracts us, moving us farther from connection, which is the thing we crave and need as humans.?In closing ourselves off, we build an inflexible armor that doesn’t serve us, nor our partners, colleagues and bosses. It's hard to connect when we're unwilling to accept who we really are.

We prefer to blow up everything around us with maladaptive behaviors and socially acceptable addictions, rather than showing what is hurting.?But in this constricted place there is misery, emptiness.

We hide our feeling of powerlessness with control, hoping that it will minimize the possibility that the world will hurt again. Still, life feels cruel.?The issue with control is that it makes our world small and more uncertain.??Doctor Charles Whitfield explained that “it is hard to learn that life cannot be controlled. Life’s powerful and mysterious process goes on, no matter what we do. Life cannot be controlled because it is far too rich, spontaneous and rambunctious to be fully understood, much less controlled by our own thinking, controlling ego / false self.”

There is another path. When we are truly able to allow ourselves the freedom to be, to express our energetic imprint, to release resistance, we can allow others the same and liberate ourselves in the process.

It's tremendous what can happen when suddenly you make an emotional connection. ― Khaled Hosseini

My belief is that the most precious gift you can offer to another human being and yourself is understanding. This feeling that someone gets it, is magical. It connects. It heals. It transforms.

We need one another to heal what we are going through. When we understand the effects of trauma, we can offer the understanding and compassion that our teams need right now. What we all want is to feel safe, supported and empowered.

Awareness and the Courage to Care

We are here on Earth to make a positive difference, not to prove how smart or right we are. ― Peter Drucker

In the post-pandemic world, traditional tools like satisfaction surveys, workers’ compensation claims, disability rates and grievance data are not enough to understand and address the current state of well-being.

It has to be complemented with open and honest communication and more informal methods of voicing what needs to be said.

That can be accomplished by spending more one-on-one time with our team and having regular check-in conversations that focus on listening to what each person is managing and struggling with and acknowledging their feelings and experiences.

The objective is to create a safe place that allows vulnerability and respect.?From there, we will gain the clarity needed to recalibrate mutual expectations and discuss resources for support so that we can all be productive while maintaining our well-being.

Building Trust with Truth

Trust is congruence between what you say and what you do.?― Peter Drucker

Building trust and displaying transparency are also key to creating a trauma-healing environment.

To build trust, start with truth and safety.?A good first step is to address current events in a direct, meaningful and respectful way that helps foster solidarity and camaraderie, which can uplift employees in especially dark moments.

And communicate frequently to keep everyone informed about the state of the business and the security of jobs. These frequent communications will also articulate future goals and instill hope by letting everyone know they’ll be able to continue to work in a safe environment.

From Powerless to Powerful

Forget about the word success, try to use the word useful.?― Peter Drucker

Trauma can be understood as a rupture in "meaning-making," says psychologist David Trickey. When "the way you see yourself, the way you see the world, and the way you see other people" are shocked and overturned by an event — and a gap arises between your "orienting systems" and that event — simple stress cascades into trauma that can lead to sustained and severe feelings of helplessness.

When we experience traumatic events that are by definition unexpected and uncontrollable, we are caught off guard, leading to a deep feeling of powerlessness and distress.?The antidote is to regain a sense of confidence and empowerment.?We must re-establish predictability and control wherever it’s possible. We must recognize and support skills and expertise that strengthens personal ownership and the ability to make daily decisions and to have choices.?

Encourage Self Care

No man has the right to dictate what other men should perceive, create or produce, but all should be encouraged to reveal themselves, their perceptions and emotions, and to build confidence in the creative spirit. ― Ansel Adams

It takes a lot of worth to take care of ourselves.?

Self-care can be defined as any deliberate action taken in order to support your mental, physical and emotional health. At the core, self-care is about fostering the relationship and connection we have with ourselves. It’s about giving our whole self (mind, body, spirit) exactly what we need to function at our highest and happiest level, which can, in turn, make us more?productive .

Forget about “the Law of 50”, research has demonstrated that working more than 50 hours in a given week, produces zero productivity gain.

I know it might be difficult for some of us to practice self-care. It is, however, a necessity. It is important to give permission to nurture and care for ourselves and others.?

In her book “Upstream: Selected Essays”, the poet Mary Oliver wrote, “Attention is the beginning of devotion.” We need to fall in love with ourselves, entirely. In becoming attentive to our wholeness, we give room to breathe and recharge. We allow ourselves to be more focused, energized and ready to tackle whatever needs to be done.?

When we see someone hurt starting to take care of himself, we know they are on the right path.?Encourage your team and colleagues to develop a self-care regimen with body, mind and soul routines and a loving, harmonious relationship with themselves.

We can’t control the events that occur and disrupt our lives. But we can control how we reflect, learn and grow from the experience. We need to know that experiencing trauma is very natural, but staying within trauma forever is not natural. If trauma shapes us, it doesn’t have to define us. Where we come from isn’t where we are going. And what got us here won’t necessarily get us there.?A trauma-informed approach is about uncovering the value and meaning in what happened — and carrying forward an understanding and gratitude for life, work and relationships that will help us handle what’s ahead. We’ll emerge stronger together.

To guide you in building a trauma-informed workplace, we created this infographic that summarizes the essential information about post-Covid trauma as well as guiding principles to be trauma-informed from the?Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration .

You can download it?here .

If healing is an essential part of building the next steps in our journey to the post-pandemic world, then knowing what we need and want is also vital in defining where we want to go and committing to the chosen path. Now let’s give ourselves what we need.

Everything starts with our Needs — and Wants

The middle way is a view of life that avoids the extreme of misguided grasping born of believing there is something we can find, or buy, or cling to that will not change. And it avoids the despair and nihilism born from the mistaken belief that nothing matters, that all is meaningless.?― Sharon Salzberg

Needs are the core qualities and values we all share as human beings; they are what drives our actions and behaviors.?Knowing our needs and wants works as a compass to show the direction we want to commit to.?We cannot control the world around us but we can align our hearts and minds, our souls. The more we understand our internal terrain of needs and wants, the more space we have to meet and ask for them to be met cleanly and clearly. We can live in integrity. We can honor our worth. And that can set us free.?

We all have needs. Some of our dependency needs include shelter, food, emotional and physical nurturing, guidance.?And all of our needs matter. As an adult, it is our responsibility to tend to these needs.?As a leader, it is our responsibility to know and understand the needs of our team. Because it is where motivation roots. Because it is how you create a safe and healthy company culture.

The most common needs are autonomy, interdependence, spirituality, celebration, play, nurturance, integrity, connection and non-violent communication.

The Wheel of Needs

To help deepen our understanding of how we relate to our own needs and wants I invite you to lean into this?list? and discern which one feels most true and aligned for you currently.

Although it may seem like our wants are less important than our needs, they are actually really important.?Wants bring us joy and clarity as to the direction we are moving.

There are two categories of wants: the big wants, which provide our life with direction plus fulfillment, and the small wants that act as our preferences. These are the things we don’t need to have, but when we choose them they bring us great joy.

Needs versus Strategies

Sometimes we confuse needs and strategies. Strategies are distinct from the needs they are being employed to meet.?It is important to understand that strategies are NOT universally applicable to human beings but are particular to circumstances people and situations.?The more we separate out our needs from the strategies we think we need to meet those needs, the greater freedom, possibility and also ability to engage satisfactorily with others we have.

The coach Elana Davidson explains that the key to identifying, expressing and connecting with needs is to focus on words that describe shared human experiences rather than words that describe the particular strategies to meet those needs. Whenever we include a Person, a Location, an Action, a Time, or an Object in our expression of what we want, we are describing a strategy rather than a need. (acronym: PLATO).

If we get really clear about which needs we are trying to meet, then many more strategies become available.?It is totally revolutionary and could solve so many disagreements and conflicts.?As a leader, it opens new possibilities to make everything so much better. If we get to the needs each person has in relationship to the subject at hand, there is so often a way to come up with strategies that work for everyone.

Is it Possible that the Beginning and the End of All Things is Love?

As this newsletter is coming to an end, I would like to leave you with a line in Michael Cunningham’s “The Hours” that has always stuck with me: “That is what we do. That is what people do. They stay alive for each other.”

For all of our ambitions and drives and hopes, desires and dreams, it is our emotional relationships that sustain us, that give texture and depth to our days. It’s the emotional energy we exchange, at every level, that shapes our lives.

So if it is true that we stay alive for one another, that, at the end of the day, our lives come down to those we love and those we’ve impacted, what is it that we want to express??Who is it that we want to be?

The only thing we have power over is the quality of our presence. Each moment of every day should be left better because it passes by us.

I leave you with this beautiful poem “This Clay Jug” from Kabir read by Robert Bly.

I thank you for taking the time to do this reading with me. I am so grateful to journey alongside you.

I will be back in September. Until then, be well,

Laurence

* Here are The?Hoffman list ?of emotions and sensations and the?wheel of emotions ?to help expand your vocabulary and label accordingly what you feel. The first step is to notice our emotions via bodily sensations and then label our emotions.