The Healing Power of Community

In my professional life I educate about kidney diseases, but today I am inspired to talk about the impact murder has had on my family. I generally do not share on this subject because it is so personal. I am doing so because our family’s story is testimony that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, but it takes reaching out and asking for help to get there. I asked for help and our family received a blessing. I am writing this article to encourage others to do the same.?Blessings are not big productions; they don’t require a speech or a press conference. Life’s blessings often occur during ordinary interactions with remarkable people. ?

Our community helped us deal with one of the most difficult situations we have had to endure as a family. To properly discuss the blessing, it is important to share the horrible case of violence that touched the Echaniz family and subsequently our family.

The news is filled with stories of violence, but the scope and breadth of what murder unleashes in the lives of the people left behind is rarely explained. The aftereffect of murder only resonates with most of us if or when we become a part of that group that is left behind. ?Our family and hundreds of others were bonded as members of Michael Echaniz’s murder narrative when our lives were highjacked by violence on March 10, 2022.

Our nightmare began with news about a shooting. Mr. Michael Echaniz, my 12-year-old daughter’s teacher, was allegedly murdered by Mr. Mathew Wiessing my 10-year-old daughter’s teacher. Though the murder did not happen at the school; Mr. Wiessing’s alleged actions and alleged reckless threats after the murder has impacted my daughters deeply.

The pain of the loss of Mr. Echaniz shook both of my children. They both liked Mr. Echaniz. They missed his love and light. They understood death but they could not make sense of murder. As the details unfolded indicating Mr. Weissing was the likely culprit, my kids experienced confusion, uncertainty, and a multitude of emotions. Their reaction to the incident manifested itself in distrust of teachers, fear of authority figures and questions about law enforcement. Where were the cops? Why didn’t they stop the bad guy? How could the bad guy be a teacher? ?

When violence abruptly invaded our lives, we were stunned, taken aback, and overcome by the tidal wave of pain that accompanied this new chapter in our family story. Along with the loss of Mr. Echaniz we were enduring the deaths of family and friends. Since the onset of the pandemic, we have lost over 60 family and friends and the deaths have not stopped. After more than two years of consistent deaths, we are accustomed to loss, but murder was a different story. Depression and anxiety that was already growing over the two years of losses was exponentially worse.

We found ourselves drowning amid multiple disasters with a limited support system. You find out who your friends are when you are no longer the source of joy, and you need a lifeline. It is lonely and tough. Most people are not about being there for the bad times. ?There is no blueprint for navigating the emotions that accompany murder and loss. For eight months after the incident, we went through the range of emotions until we were blessed by the healing power of a community encounter fueled by kindness.

???????????Professionally, I embody hope and strength, but this heinous act was overwhelming for me. It triggered fear, anxiety, and depression. Our family unit was vulnerable. Tragedy begets uncertainty. There is no TIKTOK hack for navigating murder or for curing loss of confidence in humanity. It takes time and effort to rebuild broken trust. Luckily darkness is only temporary. ?God is always waiting in the wings to bless His children with extraordinary encounters in the most unlikely moments. Our family experienced sunbeams shining through the dark clouds on November 13, 2022.

Commissioner Rebeca Clay-Flores Precinct 1 hosted her first annual Harvest Trot 5K Run/Walk and she chose to honor TKF as the beneficiary of the funds.?Our family was invited to attend. The only problem was the girls had not been out much in the eight months following the murder. How was I to explain that we had become house hostages because of an act of violence? It’s not a conversation starter.

I arrived late. Getting the girls to leave the house over the last eight months was nearly impossible, that day was no exception. I had to leave for the event with my youngest while my spouse worked on calming the other one down. ?My team members Sherri and Bethany came out to assist me. Sherri was just getting over the Flu, but she dragged herself out of bed and came with her family.

Sherri Braxton is a San Antonio fitness icon. Sherri knew about the murder and the losses. She’s one of the few people I could talk to who did not shrink away from the subject. She has been by my side since we met a year ago. We have been working for months to address the physical and mental scars of death and loss. My kids love her and her family. She helped me to encourage my youngest to attend. Sherri talked to my daughter and me on our way to the event and was there waiting with her family, Ronni Acosta and Bethany Castro. ?

My daughter got out of the car to familiar faces. Bethany is our social media guru and a spectacular kidney advocate. She is with me at most events. Her presence brought my youngest comfort. My daughters were wrapped in a cocoon of familiarity. ?Healing for us began with the communal embrace from our tribe.

?Ronni and I had not seen one another since the pandemic began. She is reliable, trustworthy, and was the perfect person for the circumstances. She knew nothing of what we had been through, but once she was aware she jumped right in to help.

She walked in with our team and instantly joined our tribe. Ronni was talking to my youngest. Ronni was genuine, authentic friendly Ronni. That’s who she is all day every day. She immediately created a safe space for my daughter which in turn calmed my anxiety. That day she was part of our tribe and we needed her.

Ronni walked with my daughter and me throughout the morning. Ronni, Sherri and Bethany were our guardian angels. They tended to both of my girls as if they were their own. ?God knew what we needed. Between Sherri, Bethany, and Ronni we entered the space with a dream team of powerful women. That’s how God works. In your moment of need he raises up the right people to carry out the assignment.

As we walked in, we were greeted by Renee Watson. Renee is one of those bigger than life people. She has an executive presence that fills a space and a commanding demeanor that garners respect.

I knew I was going to have to be transparent about the situation. Privacy is important to me, but I could not see a way around discussing the matter. ?I don’t believe in making excuses. I took the bull by the horns, and I pulled Renee aside. I disclosed the problem. I wasn’t expecting her to do anything other than listen. ?To my surprise Renee made a plan as we spoke and put it into action on the spot. ?She’s a trained professional and was exactly who we needed and did what we needed in that moment. She immediately enlisted the Emergency Services District 2 team and the Sheriff’s, and I told them what happened.

They are so well trained that they instinctively knew what to do next. They asked if they could speak to the girls. I was nervous but agreed. ?The Sheriffs surrounded each of my daughters separately and just talked to them about safety. They showed the girls compassion and reestablished their confidence in authority. The moment and the people were aligned to make a difference for our family. The girls knew they were being protected and so did I. God’s grace and peace was covering us.

My daughters both asked to walk in the race, with Ronni and Sherri. The actions of everyone we encountered that day opened the doors for us to begin to trust and release our anxiety. ?Our family made a mental shift that day.

The Trot continued as most Precinct 1 events do, it was well organized and flowed smoothly. The Commissioners team and the TKF team were in event mode; Frankie was organized and in charge. Juan was handling all details and had it under control regardless of what was thrown at him, and the Commissioner was professional, focused, and friendly. Sherri and Bethany made sure everyone knew our mission. They exuded a combined energy that made a safe extremely fun space for all who attended. The vibe was amazing. The participants couldn’t stop commenting on how much fun they were having. ?

The event raised over $10,000 for TKF and was a resounding success. The embodiment of the spirit of leadership displayed by Renee Watson was inspiring and heartwarming. The Sheriffs and the Bexar County Precinct 1 team were outstanding. They were just doing what they do. Making things happen is how they roll, but it was so much more for my family unit and the Texas Kidney Foundation. We were accepted and protected.

They brought together a group of advocates for the Foundation. ?Jane and Larry Macon came and encouraged us with support from the Muriel Seibert Foundation along with hugs and inspiration. Clif Douglass participated, and his firm supported kidney patients. Judge Grace Uzomba walked, worked the information table, and hugged everyone she met. She’s a gregarious character who never meets a stranger.?

Everyone was there to support the mission of Texas Kidney Foundation. Everyone pitched in. They handed out shirts, collected donations, and set the tone for the event. They embodied servant leadership by serving the people who attended.

The weeks following the event have been peppered with death, we lost four more family members including my uncle. The new normal for us still includes two to four deaths a month but the way we choose to let the losses affect us has changed. Our family had a 180-degree pivot. Healing and acceptance are transformative.

We have reinstated dates with the kids. We are going out as a family. We are cooking, playing and we are enjoying one another on a deeper level. Everyone in our family loves law enforcement. The girls re-established trust for authority has assisted in building trust with the teachers at their school.

We recently attended a Christmas party at their new school. The girls asked to go and requested that both their Dad and me attend with them. The girls danced, ate, and sang with their school mates, teachers, and new headmaster. I embarrassed them by singing and grooving to Gloria Gainer’s “I will survive.” We all jammed out with their new teachers. ?

Today, fear and anxiety occasionally rear their ugly little heads, but we rebuff when necessary and continue. Family outings are happening more frequently. We literally walked away from the Harvest Trot 5K Run/Walk with a family reset. Renee, the Sheriffs, and everyone there helped our family regain confidence in humanity.

Violence is introducing the children of our community to the harshest realities in life. Death and murder are not easy subjects to grasp as adults. It’s complicated and overwhelming for children, yet many of us find ourselves navigating this course. Having the Precinct 1 village and the TKF team as our tribe was a godsend for our family. The simple human kindness displayed by our community turned an ordinary crisp Sunday morning into a beautiful transformational experience. ?

I wrote this article to say thank you to our tribe because they empowered two girls and their parents to move back into the light, again. Many thanks and blessings to Commissioner Rebeca Clay-Flores, her team and all the groups she rallied to support us. Its good to have a tribe. ?Have a blessed and happy holiday. ?