Healing Isn’t Linear—But Here’s How to Trust the Process

Let’s talk about healing. It’s not about “getting over it” or pretending your feelings don’t exist. Healing is messy. It’s about accepting what’s happened, allowing yourself to feel the feelings, and moving forward—on your own terms.

My friend Bill reminded me of this recently. After his marriage ended, he was stuck in what felt like an emotional hurricane. Some days were okay, but others? Not so much. He described it best:

“It’s like I’m going in circles, feeling the same things over and over again. I thought I was making progress, but then I’d get hit with the same wave of pain all over again.”

Sound familiar? Whether it’s the end of a relationship, a career setback, or another major life change, healing is rarely a straight path.

The 7 Stages of Healing (and Why They’re NOT a Checklist)

You’ve probably heard of Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s five stages of grief. Over the years, two more stages have been added to better reflect the complexity of loss. But here’s the catch:

• These stages aren’t a step-by-step guide.
• You won’t necessarily experience them in order.
• You might revisit certain stages multiple times.
• Some stages will feel fleeting, while others might linger.

And that’s okay. Your journey is yours. The only real mistake? Ignoring your feelings entirely. As Bill’s counsellor told him:

“You have to trust the process and feel the feelings to reach acceptance.”

Knowing the stages can help you recognise them when they show up—and remind you that what you’re feeling is completely normal. Let’s break them down.

The 7 Stages of Healing

1. Shock and Denial “This isn’t real.” Physical symptoms like nausea, shaking, or insomnia might hit hard. Bill spent weeks telling himself his separation was “just a blip.” He described feeling numb, like he was watching someone else’s life.
2. Pain and Guilt The shock wears off, and the emotional (or physical) pain kicks in. Guilt might creep in: “What if I had done something differently?” For Bill, this stage was tough. His turning point came when he stopped blaming himself and started focusing on what he could control moving forward.
3. Anger and Bargaining Anger: at yourself, others, or the universe. Bargaining: “If only I could have a second chance, it would all be okay.” Bill admitted he was mad at everything—his ex, himself, even the sun for shining after a sleepless night.
4. Depression, Loneliness, and Reflection Reality sets in. You might feel sad, hopeless, or isolated. Bill felt the urge to withdraw but found short walks in nature helped clear his head and process his emotions.
5. The Upward Turn Slowly, the intensity of earlier feelings fades. Bill realised he could focus on the future and rebuild his life—on his terms.
6. Reconstruction A sense of control returns. The future feels less daunting, even exciting. Bill started making conscious decisions to create the life he wanted.
7. Acceptance and Hope Acceptance doesn’t mean forgetting; it means acknowledging the past and finding peace. Bill reached a place where he could say, “My family’s life isn’t what I imagined, but our future is still bright.”

How to Navigate Your Healing Journey

Healing isn’t easy, but there are steps you can take to make the process a little smoother:

1. Feel Your Feelings Don’t ignore or suppress your emotions. Acknowledge them. Name them. Let them pass through you.
2. Lean on Support Talk to friends or family you trust. Consider joining a support group or seeking professional therapy. Online therapy can be an affordable and flexible option.
3. Move Your Body A walk, a yoga class, or even five minutes of stretching can help clear your mind and shift your perspective.
4. Focus on Small Wins Each step forward—no matter how small—is progress. Celebrate it.
5. Be Patient Healing isn’t linear, and that’s okay. Give yourself grace on the tough days.

Final Thoughts

If you’re in the middle of a tough time, remember: you’re not alone. Almost everyone has experienced their version of rock bottom. But as Bill learned, healing is possible—and the life waiting for you on the other side is worth the work.

What’s one thing that’s helped you heal in the past? Share your thoughts below—I’d love to hear your story. ??