Healing from Within: Compassion's Antidote to Crisis Addiction

August has been the month of compassion, which include the character strengths of care, charity, generosity, helpfulness, kindness, mercy, and service.

These character strengths are love in action; the specific things that we can do for others to show our care for them. When we think of deeply compassionate people, figures like Mother Theresa or Martin Luther King come to mind; people that have dedicated their lives to the betterment of others.

While compassion is often other-focused, it can also be self-focused. A compassionate relationship with oneself is one of the lead indicators of positive mental health and life outcomes. But developing this within a culture that does not teach or model self-compassion well (hello, fruits of Protestantism: embedded throughout Western culture) can be far from straightforward.

One of the first ways we learn to be harsh to ourselves (the inverse of self-compassion) is to deny, minimize, or complicate our own needs. We have a notion in our culture of the 'rugged individual,' an aspirational character who needs no one and nothing, but can make their own way in the world through pure ingenuity and performing chin-ups off of their bootstraps.

When a need arises within us, this 'rugged' aspirational model can cause us to condemn the very having of that need as "weak", "selfish" or otherwise unwelcome. In this way, we get disconnected from our own needs, and even if we display the veneer of compassion towards others in our actions, our lack of self-compassion will leak outwards in facial expressions, gestures, harsh tones of voice, or even outright cruelty towards others.

One Face of Self-Denial: Crisis Addiction

Today I want to talk about crisis addiction as a phenomenon in our culture as one of the ways we try to resolve the paradox of living compassionately when one lacks self-compassion. Crisis addiction can show up in anyone but is particularly common in people that were raised in an unstable home environment. It is the experience of constant or near-constant crisis; that at any moment, disaster could strike. In its more subtle forms, it is a constant sense of urgency.

People suffering from crisis addiction are typically tense and stressed, and tend to be jumping from one 'very important' thing to another; whether that 'very important' thing is a work project or tidying the kitchen or getting to a haircut appointment on time. The actual stakes don't matter - to a crisis addict, everything feels like it's about to catch fire. Crisis addicts also tend to unconsciously recreate the conditions of crisis in their lives. Leaving the house at the last minute, inflaming relationships (so easy now via social media), forgetting bills/fines/responsibilities, or catastrophizing; mentally 'blowing up' problems to be bigger than they are) keeps their nervous system in the fight/flight mode that it has come to recognize as its baseline.

Organisations can generate or fuel crisis addiction in their people; usually, if a crisis addict is in a position of power. Last-minute deadlines, requests to take time out for an urgent/unforeseen matter, poor systems for induction and managing workload, and at the end of the day a high turnover rate are all symptoms of an organization that has a crisis addict at the helm.

The tragedy of this state is that the crisis addict has the experience of living 'for' others; often in their minds they are at others' service and do 'all this' (the constant responding in a state of crisis) for 'them'. They don't see the effect they are having on the people around them - stress, ?confusion, and broken trust that builds up over time and causes people to pull away. In effect, they have deluded themselves that they are living in a compassionate way, unable to see that without self-compassion, compassion towards others is impossible.

The appeal of this way of being is powerful. When someone is constantly responding to a crisis, everything they do is both 'very important' and 'very urgent'. It can give a sense of meaning, and usually has its origins in a core childhood wound, one that made sense of great suffering...but the cost is great.

Crisis addicts:

• rob themselves of happiness by being in a near-constant state of stress and reactivity
• wear out those closest to them by their constant and chaotic changes of focus
• deprive themselves of an integrated life; when everything is urgent and important, there is no space to mindfully choose which values a crisis addict actually wants to live for, instead, their actions and behaviors are dictated by the passing needs of the moment

An easy way to identify if you suffer from crisis addiction: how do you feel when you have nothing 'on'? Do you feel relaxed and at ease, knowing that you can choose to engage with what you want? Or do you feel uneasy and at a loss, not sure what you're role is when you're not needed?

Unfortunately, crisis addiction is very common in our culture, and is reinforced by messages about our need to 'get ahead' or outright fearmongering; playing up the threat of disaster (see: the news cycle) as well as airing cultural debates that generate outrage in the viewers. All of this feeds a growing sense of crisis in our lives.

This month, I've been reflecting on my own tendencies towards crisis addiction and trying to break those habits into the character strength of Mercy as a practice of self-compassion. While I'm not 'fixed' (and probably never will be), I've made some progress towards living a more chosen life by turning down the volume on the sense of urgency that normally governs my behaviors.

How to Begin to Break Crisis Addiction

If you think you or someone you know might be suffering from crisis addiction, the first step to recovery is admitting that one has a problem. If a crisis addict can see that their MO is not working for them or others, they have a chance to change it. This insight needs to come from within, as crisis addicts typically do not respond well to unsolicited feedback and will see it as just another problem in need of a response. Open questions and genuine curiosity are more likely to facilitate this kind of insight rather than sharing your own opinions - our Mental Health First Responder training goes into depth on how to do this well.

The next is a slow process of habit re-formation. Crisis addiction starts from a denial of the addict's own needs. The typical pattern goes:?

1. The crisis addict notices something that needs doing or could potentially go wrong
2. They feel a sense of urgency to do the thing or anxiety about it not being done
3. They throw themselves into the doing of that thing until something else gets noticed (repeating the cycle)

Breaking this addiction means slowing down as soon as the sense of urgency comes on, and asking yourself:

1. Is this really urgent? (often the answer is no)?
2. Is it worth stressing out about? (this is a great one as the answer is always no)
3. What would a compassionate way of responding look like?

The last question can also be replaced with "What would a wise person who wanted the best for me advise?" If you know someone like this, you can just sub them in for this part of the question. Slowing down to give the time and space to answer these questions allows for a mindful response. With time, someone addicted to crisis can become more comfortable with calm and ease by taking a merciful and compassionate approach to oneself. This will make for a more compassionate existence and a more effective person.?

Written by Rhys Jaconley

A Volunteer's Perspective: Insights into Growth, Leadership, Culture, and Mental Health?

Hello again! I'm Genevieve and I volunteer here at Sharetree. Here are my insights into what compassion means and the impact it has on the needs of our time.??

In a qualitative study that explored survivors' experiences following a bus crash, semi-structured telephone interviews were conducted with 54 survivors seven years following the incident in Sweden. Surviving passengers were asked to recall their significant memories of the crash and the majority had reported the physical pain felt and the lack of compassion during their hospital stay. Even several years after, the absence of compassion left a profound impact on many.??

Have we become so driven by self-interest and individualism that we overlook our capacity to nurture the power of compassion to create positive influences on the people around us??

There is growing evidence that practicing compassion is the bedrock to tackling many of the critical problems of our time. Because when we center compassion at the heart of what we do, it creates a positive trajectory of interpersonal trust and cooperation. These are both important qualities of a thriving workplace. In a workplace nurtured by compassion, we recognize that our employees are not just cogs in a machine but are also unique individual human beings. It lays the foundation for a dynamic community to work together that thrives on mutual trust and respect for one another.??

I grew up in a family environment that taught compassion and empathy as unlimited resources. My parents consistently exemplified these qualities through their actions. I remember a memory at the age of 10 when I sat down in a restaurant and saw a beggar from across our table. I asked my father why they couldn't simply seek employment, given their physical abilities. Several years later, my perspective evolved and I grasped the complex interconnected social determinants that affect one's circumstances. Today, I walk the streets and spare some change whenever I can.??

Compassion is the transformative force that radiates beyond individuals and resonates throughout communities. When we extend compassion, we set in motion a ripple effect that touches hearts and inspires acts of kindness in others.

How do you invite more compassion into your personal interactions, relationships, and daily routines???

?Written by Genevieve Mei Jern Chen

Upcoming Community Workshop

We cover many personal, interpersonal, and organizational well-being elements in our Mental Health First Responder's Community Workshop?on the 9th of August.

https://events.humanitix.com/mental-health-first-responders-intro-training-session-1-of-2-itn670ey