Heal the soul fragments-heal the trauma!!

I am Shell Bell-an advanced quantum energy healer and I have spent the majority of my adult life battling severe complex-PTSD which manifested in the form of a severe auto immune disease. I honestly had no idea how badly my early life had affected me. When I began searching for answers for my symptoms, I assumed it was an external problem-mould or damp in the house, food sensitivities, heavy metals and all the other things we hear people talking about. My symptoms were so aggressive that many many factors were contributing to my illness and I quickly got to work changing to an alkaline diet, seeing a naturopath, starting some herbal medicine and supplements as well as doing yoga every day. I focused on being as active as possible which is recommended to help reduce the stiffness associated with Ankylosing Spondylitis and Fibromyalgia. I had eight rounds of acupuncture which did give me relief. My energy levels improved, my activity levels improved and I didn’t feel like I was dying anymore, however I was still stiff, sore, tired, not sleeping very well, struggling every morning and still having aggressive flare ups regularly despite “doing everything right”.

Then my foster parents died within eighteen months of each other. This caused a significant increase in symptoms especially losing my foster mother. From the second I found out she was sick I had a major decline in health and I was already bad before then. She was my safe person growing up and the only consistently stable, loving person in my life. She was my ONLY emotional support since I had my own children and also one of the few people who didn’t constantly judge me since my health worsened.

When she did pass away six months later this triggered major panic in me. For the first time in years I was having full blown panic attacks all day every day. 3 weeks after her death the flashbacks started, memories of my father in a rage, memories of being in a car with him while he ranted and screamed at me, memories of being trapped in a dark room. The visual flashbacks were not the worst part, the worst part was the emotional and physical flashbacks as my body remembered all my emotions-the fear, the anxiety, the terror, the nausea, the shaking hands, the dizziness, the dehydration, the overwhelming panic. As the flashbacks worsened so did my symptoms until I had the worst auto immune attack I have ever had. I didn’t receive medical care during this attack. I suffered in the worst pain imaginable for weeks while having non stop flashbacks and panic until I collapsed. I was then sent to a psych ward for a week because they thought I was displaying symptoms of psychosis. I was actually having a full blown PTSD episode as I re-lived the most traumatic memory of my life-a vicious sexual assault when I was nine.

After this my world change, my whole life changed. I started to distance myself from the people who had harmed me as well as other family members who I always felt judged by. I could no longer be around so many as they would trigger anxiety, fear, exhaustion as well as major physical symptoms. This was my breaking point, the worst I have ever been physically, mentally, emotionally. I felt beyond vulnerable and overwhelmed and I realised that I could not confide in anyone, could not trust anyone as I come from a family system that gossip and everyone talks about you but nobody talks to you and I could not risk any word going back to my abuser. I was so sure and so convinced that this person would kill me if the truth came out and I already knew my mental health was being weaponised and used as a way to make me look unstable, confused or paranoid so I knew nobody would believe me. I felt utterly alone and that is not a nice place to be. I was having suicidal thoughts, my song PTSD was written during this brutal time in my life if you would like to listen to it, it is on all streaming platforms.

This brings me to the point of this blog-soul fragments. I started doing some research on narcissistic abuse which is what resonated with me the most and I learned about complex PTSD. I am not sure how or when I came across the term “soul fragments” but it instantly made so much sense to me. At the time I was doing my reiki masters course and learning how energy can get stored in the body. I was reading books like “the body keeps the score” by and “adult children of emotionally immature parents” by which are two books I highly recommend to anyone who has a chronic illness as a result of a difficult childhood or anyone battling with trauma in general. I have always been very psychic and by this point I was having daily conversations with my spirit guides and my foster parents and my healing abilities were activating and getting stronger by the day. I was learning how to use my subconscious as a tool for healing and I learned how to communicate with my inner child. This inner child is a “soul fragment”. You can have multiple soul fragments depending on how much trauma you have experienced. I started to get to know my inner child, listen to her worries, her fears, her insecurities, her self blame, self judgement and shame and I started to speak to her like a loving mother-the way my foster mother always spoke to me giving her so much reassurance, praise, cuddles, affection and quality time. I would bring this little girl everywhere with me and on bad days I would look at the passenger seat of my car as if their was a little child there and say “do you want to get some ice-cream” and I would go and buy myself a treat as I worked through yet another traumatic memory. Eventually I realised that I didn’t only have one inner child, I had multiple. My four year old self had a deep abandonment wound when she left the foster home to go back to her biological parents. The two year old self had a major rejection wound when her existence created chaos as her grandparents found out about her for the first time. Even the new-born me had wounds because my mother had depression when I was born and as babies we are so in-tune with our care-givers energy, this energy transfer can occur. It took me a long time to work through all my soul fragments because I also had multiple as a teenager and adult too. Trauma seemed to follow me, so much pain, heartbreak, grief, loss, abuse occurred all through my life and each soul fragment was causing different symptoms in me which is why my symptoms were so systematic.

By healing and releasing all my soul fragments I got to know myself on such a deep level, I learned to remove the voice of self judgement and criticism and learned true self compassion and self love. I also put my symptoms in remission one by one. This was the missing peace of the puzzle for me. I had disassociated and blocked out so many traumatic events in my life that it caused parts of my soul to split and fragment getting trapped in these dark places. By loving, healing and freeing each one I was able to finally get my life moving in a direction I wanted it to go instead of being so stuck in what felt like hell. What are your thoughts on soul fragments? Does this type of healing sound appealing to you? If you would like to try an energy healing session with me or have any questions comment below.