Headspace - Week 6

I want to start this week by thanking all those who sent me personal messages or left comments following last week’s Headspace. Every one of them was much appreciated and the support was out of this world. It's always difficult to know how much to disclose when it comes to family life, but I've made a commitment to myself and you that this will always be an honest reflection of the week, detailing what’s been going on, what I'm up to and what I'm thinking. To update you, I will begin with the saying, what a difference a week makes. Finally, my daughter has been accepted into the school she always wanted to go to, the show round is tomorrow (exciting) and this morning she was invited to and attended England Boxing to spar against the National Champion at age 16 category. For noting purposes, my daughter is 14. Round one, she got well and truly schooled but with her courage, guts, and determination, held her own in the last two rounds. So, as I type this after a long day, I have a super big smile on my face and proclaim to be the proudest dad in the country right now! For those of you who are reading Headspace for the first time and wonder what on earth I’m talking about, I'm afraid you are going to have to go into my articles and find week 5.

Ok, shall we get on with the week gone by? I think so. So, on Monday I was asked the question, what's unique about you? I'd imagine you may have been met with this question yourself or maybe even asked it of someone. You might have heard it phrased differently, like 'what’s different about you'? or 'what makes you stand out against others'? It's a big question when you think about it and most often, we use words like, I'm reliable, trustworthy, hardworking etc etc. Basically the textbook answer. But when you think about it uniqueness is amazing word, so after giving the person the textbook answer, I decided to have a little think about it and here is what my answer should have been. I am the only person in the world to have achieved what I have and indeed as far as I am aware in the history of mankind! Bang, that's a hell of a statement isn’t it. Now I have you intrigued, let me try and back this up. I don't believe that anybody else has ever rode a winner in a horse race, become a care worker, managed a care home, owned care homes, become a teacher, a university lecturer, went onto own a national training company, built an on-line learning system and sold it for six figures in twelve months and in between, been a parish councillor, an elected borough councillor and a school governor. On top of this, run a marathon, completed triathlons, jumped out a plane at 10,000 feet, climbed the UK's three largest mountains in 24 hours and stepped inside a boxing ring. Now as individual achievements, tens of thousands if not millions have completed these, but collectively, all together, I'm thinking I must be the only person on the planet! Just to confirm my thinking, only 0.01% of the world’s population has completed a marathon, what’s the chances that anyone in that 0.01% has done all the other things I have mentioned as well? I'd say that's unique. If only I had given that answer. Now I'm not saying all that to blow my own trumpet (well maybe a little) but what I am saying is that everyone of us is completely unique, no one will have lived your life previously or now. Surely that makes you a bit special. Have a go at reflecting on your life, your achievements and see if you can also say, I am the only person on the planet to have achieved what I have.

Right, now that you have realised just how unique and special you are, let me tell you about the amazing people I met with on Tuesday. This was a day in the classroom for me, teaching people from oversees who work in the UK as Nurses and Carers and will go onto become champions for an amazing UK company. The reason why I am classifying these people as amazing, is simply listening to the journey they took to get to the UK. I'm afraid we only hear negativity through the media, you know what I'm talking about, 'they've only come here for the benefits' and all the other nonsense. Perhaps if we just stopped for a moment and listened, understood, looked closer, we would see a different picture. Imagine being someone who is qualified as a doctor in their home country and coming to the UK to take up the role of a Carer because their qualification does not count and on top of that being brilliant at the role. At no point complaining, at no point seeing it as beneath them, giving their full commitment to help the needs of others. Imagine coming to a country where you know of no one, don't understand the laws or systems we have in place and having to start life all over again. Could you, do it? I think in most cases we would say no.

Interestingly during the lesson, I spoke of the terribly poor turnover we have within Health & Social Care, to which I was countered with, this not being caused by oversees workers. In my usual way, I asked them to explain. The answer I got, really pushed my thinking. You see, from this person's point of view, they wanted me to understand all the effort and costs (in most cases their life savings), they had endured just to get into the UK. The hardship they had faced on arrival, the culture change, new employment, the loneliness, the risk of their visa being revoked. In their words, why would they arrive and then blow it all by staying in a job for a few weeks or months. To them, the only reason they would leave is because of poor management and support which meant they felt completely vulnerable. If, however, they were fully supported, assisted with their needs, and given time to settle and understand the new way of life, they'd remain with that company for a long time. Now, without me doing any research, right in front of me were 14 people who had been with the company for many years. All of whom had University degrees from their home country. I left the lesson and decided to look at my own turnover within the businesses and lone behold they are right. Of the 24 people I have employed from oversees in the last 10 years, 18 of them are still working at the company. When I put this against the stats for UK workers, there is no comparison. My message on this front is very simple, do everything you can to support people from oversees who come to work in your establishments, give them time, expect less in the short term, and be rewarded with more in the long term. As I say every week, the reason I love to teach, is that you learn so much from others.

Ok, onto Wednesday, this was another experience. I was visited by a friend in the office. His life has been a rollercoaster experiencing life in the Royal Marines during the middle east wars, the stories that he recalls are ones which most of us could not endure and has caused him to have PTSD. Now I'm not a psychologist nor qualified as a psychiatric, but I am a good listener and sometimes that is what we need. The PTSD had led to depression which took him to a low in his life. Now that he is receiving help, he is managing himself much better, hence the reason why he is speaking to his friends. Again, all of this got me thinking, as I'm currently reading a book called 'Lost Connections' by Johann Hari. Honestly, if you have not read it, put it on your book list. Johann talks about the areas that precede depression in life, one of the main areas being loneliness. His research describes what the term loneliness means, and it’s not what you would think. We can be surrounded by many people, have thousands of followers on social media and be lonely. The reason being that to feel not alone, is to feel part of a community that shares the same goals and are working towards them, together. I think it's why you sometimes hear the saying 'it's lonely at the top'. There have been many times in my life, where I have felt alone and if I’m honest, in those times have felt most depressed. How can that be when I am continuously surrounded by people? Simple, there are times when only you can work on the problem, when it's down to you to make sure people get paid or when you are sat in the Bank knowing if you don't get the credit, the business will go under. Yes, I've experienced all of that and if anyone tells you, that a true leader would get on with the job, that's bollocks. I have a clear image of myself sitting on my kitchen floor, crying my eyes out as I thought the next day, I'd have to tell everyone it was game over. For me, I somehow managed to survive, but I was the only one sat on that kitchen floor, that night all alone. So back to my friend, I'd imagine that leaving the army is a very lonely experience and must cause a great deal of loneliness adapting back into civilisation. Thus, leading to depression, which when it gets hold and lead to several other things like worth, value, unhappiness and in some cases life threatening situations. I guess that why its imperative that we encourage people to speak out and seek the support they need.

Right, onto Thursday. Shit's hitting the fan and I've lost it. Everything from the book 'Think Like a Monk' has gone out the window! Little Pauly Temper has raised its game and now I'm on the warpath for anyone who crosses my path. What an absolute idiot I am. This is not who I want to be and over the years, I've practiced removing this from my character (I used to be like this all the time). Now I'm not saying I'm a Gordon Brown and throwing telephones around the room (well just the once), but it's not pretty and no one ever deserves it. What I have realised over the years is that you can’t solve problems with emotions and shouting only makes people react in fear. So as soon as I realised what an absolute arse I was being, I retreated to my office and locked the door, whilst the adults solved the problems, which they did brilliantly. Therefore, I am writing this to give myself a right good telling off. There are far more productive ways to get your point across.

Is there much more to tell you about the week. Not really. Lots of things have happened but I don't want to bore you with the details. To sign off, I will say this, to everyone who reads these, thank you. I'm not sure what you get out of them but for the couple of hours it takes me to reflect and write, I get a great deal. I'd love to hear from you in the comments and if you ever want to talk about anything I'm writing, please connect.

So, what have we discussed this week?

1. My daughter is a champion.
2. You are unique and special.
3. Retain your oversees team.
4. Loneliness causes depression.
5. Control your temper.

Have a great week everyone and see you next week for Headspace Week 7.