"Head Friends" to Soul Family: My Journey of Claiming my High Self worth version

In 2009 and 2010, I had a theory (a rather na?ve one, I must admit) that there are two types of friends: "heart friends" and "head friends." Heart friends, I believed, were the ones who always supported you, agreed with everything you said, and encouraged you to follow your heart. Head friends, on the other hand, were the ones who criticized you, pointed out what they thought was right, and told you what they believed was the best course of action. My younger self thought we needed both types in our lives.

What was I thinking?!

Fifteen years later, I realize that this theory was one of the biggest misconceptions I had created in my mind. The truth is, we don’t need "head friends" at all. They often lead us into self-doubt by imposing their views on us, making us believe that their perspective is the only right one. Over the years, I had friends who gaslighted me into thinking I was stupid, careless, not good enough, self-centered, childish, or overly optimistic. I was shamed for simply being myself and made to feel like I needed to change. This led to the creation of a low self-worth version of myself, all because I believed there was something wrong with me, and they were just "trying to help."

This painful realization was one of the reasons I turned to spirituality. From 2010 to 2014, I was drowning in self-doubt, constantly feeling inadequate because nearly all of my so-called friends criticized me under the guise of it being "for my own good." In the reality we live in—often referred to as the matrix or the 3D reality—this behavior seems normal. Everyone believes they are right and tries to convince you of the same.

However, from 2013 onwards, I was fortunate enough to meet mentors, teachers, and even some absolute strangers who helped me see the truth: there was never anything wrong with me. I can clearly recall just three people, + my mentor, who told me, “You are absolutely amazing, Ashwini—there is nothing wrong with you.” What a relief that was!

In 2016 and 2017, after learning the tools of Access Consciousness, I discovered that I’m a typical humanoid who often falls into the trap of self-criticism. Humans tend to make you believe that you are wrong and they are right. The moment I became aware of this, I realized how many years I had spent beating myself up for perceived wrongs that never existed.

Fast forward to August 2024, and I now find myself surrounded only by "heart friends," or as I like to call them, my Soul Family. These are the people who are always in allowance of me. They hold space for me, never make me feel wrong, and, most importantly, they don’t offer unsolicited advice. Instead, they support my choices, beliefs, thoughts, emotions, and feelings without judgment.

It’s fascinating how, over the last 15 years, through working on myself, connecting with amazing mentors, and learning tools from modalities like Access Consciousness, Neuro-Linguistic Programming, and mind programming, I’ve come to understand that true friends are those who honor, respect, and accept you exactly as you are.

I know some of you might argue that we need honest feedback and criticism from friends to grow—right? Well, the answer is no. Most of our so-called friends aren’t experts in human behavior or psychology. They are often projecting their own unresolved traumas and limiting beliefs onto you. Believing their stories and theories, which stem from fear, limitation, competition, and scarcity, only drags you down and fuels the low self-worth narrative you may have created for yourself.

People who criticize and offer unsolicited feedback are usually imposing their perspective on your life, which may not align with your truth.

Now, if I’m your friend and I don’t agree with something you’re saying, I won’t tell you that you’re wrong and I’m right. Instead, I’ll understand that we can have different points of view, and I’ll respect that. This comes from a place of allowance—allowance of you as you are.

We only need people who are in allowance of who we truly are as authentic individuals. You don’t need more gaslighters—those who make you feel bad about yourself. Remember, life is beautiful and precious. Make sure you spend it with people who honor, support, and accept you just as you are.