He Said, She Said: Gender-Based Communication Styles

You’ve probably heard comments about the differences between how men and women communicate.?

I'm frequently asked about these differences, so I thought we’d take on three common perceptions or stereotypes in this newsletter and see what the research says:

1. How much people talk
2. Communication goals
3. The sound of our voices

As you’re reading this, keep in mind that sex is biological and gender is learned.? In other words, while there are innate, physiological differences that may explain some differences between the sexes, socialization and learned behaviors also account for significant differences.

How MUCH People Talk

There is a common and incorrect perception that women and girls talk more, be it in the classroom or in business.

Remember back in 2021 when the head of the Tokyo Olympics lost his job when he pontificated his apprehension of adding female board members, stating that, “…if their speaking time isn’t restricted to a certain extent, they have difficulty finishing, which is annoying.”

In reality, a comprehensive analysis of research focused on gender differences and communication volume concludes that if anything, the opposite might be true!?

In an article for the Washington Post, writer Adam Grant talks about the onslaught of “manalogues” in meetings. Political scientists studied groups of 5 people and found that only when a group has 4 women, do they speak as much as their male counterparts.

Grant suggests “If you think women talk too much, it could be because you expect them to talk so little.”

Ouch. But also, hmm....

You know where this DOESN’T happen?? At your doctor’s office.??

Studies found that female physicians spend an average of 2 minutes more per patient.

Communication GOALS

There are also differences in WHY men and women communicate.??

Even starting at a young age, multiple sources demonstrate that men use language to command dominance, power, and to achieve tangible outcomes, while women use communication as a tool to enhance social connections and create relationships.??

In a 2009 study of over 400 participants, researchers concluded significant differences in how men and women perceive the benefit of work relationships.?

Men focus on relationships at work as a means to get the job done; they’re task-oriented.??

Women value relationships at work in terms of social and emotional support. For women, work friendships are a key driver of job satisfaction; they’re relationship-oriented.

In other words, men may engage in “report talk” while women gravitate to “rapport talk”.? Or, men are “friendly” while women are “friends.” (Thanks to my friend Mary for this one!)

The SOUND of our Voices

When we talk, we use various vocal elements to convey our message; things like rate, volume, articulation, pronunciation, fluency, and pitch. ?

Without these inflections, we sound like a Speak and Spell.?

(Remember those?)??

Understanding and incorporating variety in (most of) these elements creates a more engaging voice.? Good speakers will alternate between speaking fast and slow, with a high and low pitch, loudly and softly.? This goes for both men and women.

Biologically, the pitch of men’s voices is typically almost one octave deeper than women’s due to their relative testosterone level, the hormone that elongates the vocal cords during puberty.?

There is plenty of research highlighting the benefits of men’s deep voices.? Not surprisingly, women find men with deeper voices more attractive than those with higher-pitched voices.??

According to one academic study, male CEOs with deeper voices are more successful than their higher-pitched peers across several measures: they tend to manage larger companies, make $187,000 a year more, and last in their jobs an average five months longer.

In fact, a 2015 study concluded that the U.S. Presidential candidate with the deeper voice won in every election since Calvin Coolidge.?

If you think this only applies to men, think again.?

Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher took voice lessons to deepen her voice prior to an election - which she then won.

So, are men or women better communicators???

Nope.? Not getting sucked into THAT discussion.

What I will say, is that there is empirical evidence analyzing many of the common misconceptions about gender communication and that examines why certain aspects of communication seem to be slanted more towards men than women.?

Neither gender is better, they’re just different.? And, within each gender, there is a continuum of how much a person demonstrates various characteristics.? You can have a talkative woman with a low voice or a quiet, relationship-building male etc.

And the differences are what makes studying communication so fascinating.

Your Homework

Here’s what you can do this week:

• Observe the speakers in your next meeting.? What characteristics do you see? (how much are people talking? with what goals? and how do they sound?)
• Think about how YOU communicate in meetings.
• Find one way to offer more airtime to someone whose voice hasn’t been represented in the discussion and see how the meeting changes.

Please let me know how it goes!

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Talk soon!

Andrea

Dr. Andrea Wojnicki is a Harvard-educated executive communication coach. She founded "Talk About Talk" to help ambitious executives communicate with confidence and clarity. Focusing on topics such as personal branding, overcoming imposter syndrome, listening, demonstrating leadership and formal presentation skills, Andrea provides 1:1 coaching, workshops, keynote speeches, online courses, and the Talk About Talk podcast, with over 125 episodes and counting.