"He Only Cares About Himself"
Ken Carlson
Experienced Executive Coach and Leadership Trainer with a knack for working with Geeks; Specializing in Engineering, Science, Math, and Medical.
I remember my first 360 like it was yesterday. Things were going well in my corporate role with my first big team. My boss and I saw eye to eye and I was pouring my heart into my team. We were getting results while meeting some expected resistance to our lofty goals.
This was why I was especially shocked by the 360 assessment results. My boss loved me—my employees loved me… but my peers were an entirely different story. My scores showed my peers not only didn’t like me — but they didn’t trust me. The comments said things like — “He only cares about himself,” “Ken is just traveling on the company dime,” and “Ken doesn’t care about anybody.”
How could I be so misunderstood? I not only cared, I felt like I was putting my whole heart into my job.?I just didn't understand how they could think those things about me.
I was talking to a leader today and he was grappling with this same moment. It’s that moment that we realize that how we are perceived is dramatically different than our intentions. He, like me, and like a lot of leaders, go straight to logic and start trying to solve the perception issue with our brainpower. This may work—but I postulate that thinking alone won’t solve an emotional issue.
My peers—they didn’t trust me because they didn’t really know me. They didn’t see the passion and heart I was putting into my work. They only saw my terse, logical explanations about why we needed to do things in this new way.
My client’s teammates don’t see his heart and his kindness because he is focused on explaining his logic for his decisions.
What we decided was to show some vulnerability—share some emotion—talk about the things in life that evoke emotion. Great leaders not only have high intelligence (IQ) but also have high emotional intelligence (EQ).
As we get feedback, or coaching, or we do a 360 and discover our blind spots—we can choose to turn up the volume on our EQ if necessary or our IQ if that is required. In both cases, practice is the first step of learning.
Some easy tips for practicing turning up the volume on your EQ:
Excited to hear if you have any other ideas.
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Past Articles: Neurodiverse Leadership Resource Library
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3 周relateable
Helping Women Reclaim Their Voice, Confidence, and Power
3 周Great article Ken!! The lens at which we are seen isn’t as much about us as it is about others. It is based upon their past experiences. Your intentions have always been pure and you have a heart of gold to serve in that same light. ??