He can't, can he?
Credit: Guy Smallman

He can't, can he?

It wasn't supposed to be this way. Theresa May, harangued by the normal groups of left-wing fringe activists, would calmly appeal to Mr and Mrs Middle-England (the sort of people that keep the weeds on their front path in check), who would do their democratic duty once alone in the ballot booth.

This campaign was supposed to be about difficult times, calling for a stable head on strong shoulders to ensure Britain gets the best deal from Brexit. So far, so easy for the Tories. Turn up looking smart, smile nicely, point at the IRA (remember them?) supporting socialist with the beard and get elected with a stonking majority.

Hang on though. Jeremy Corbyn hasn't fallen into a puddle, delivered a speech with his fly down or made too many mistakes. He also talks like a human, unlike May who is a political version of the lady on the Victoria Line: accurate, firm, but with a very limited number of phrases.

As the final leaflets are printed, the last of the doors knocked and calls made, what can we expect on Friday morning?

Failure. Apologies for the pessimism but failure is the only outcome (at the time of writing!). May will fail but get a majority of 65-70, well short of expectations. She will have a lot of critics internally for this percieved failure as well as a sizeable hard-Brexit lobby to keep quiet on her own benches. A Tory party divided over Europe? Again? OK, let's watch it one more time.

No matter though as by 11pm on Thursday, a number of soon to be re-elected and soon to be former Labour MPs will have called on Corbyn to quit. Pointing to a better than expected vote share, his supporters will claim a victory for left wing ideas and a step in the right direction for the country.

The right will be confined by Brexit, all back-stabbing and secret briefing, the left will look to the 'progressive alliance' of anti-Tory votes and demand electoral reform of one kind or another. Radicals on the left talking about process? Again? OK, let's listen to it from the top.

Meanwhile, MPs will return to Westminster with the business of swearing in new members, electing Committee Chairs and generally making themselves comfortable.

The media will do its best to cover the immediate fall out and raw political data, as well as what the voting patterns mean for a political map of the UK redrawn and recoloured. The liberal metropolitan elite will have again shown that they deserve the contempt of the towns and countryside by being difficulty different and voting for Leave supporting Labour MPs. This contempt will be dismissed as the backward thinking of little Englanders. Town vs Country? Again...? you get the idea.

Elections in this country are supposed to be decisive. To accept or reject the status quo. To break with the past and welcome a new future. The likelihood of more of the same shows that none of our political leaders have a broad enough appeal to speak to the country as a whole or command the support and respect of the majority.

The votes of 2014, 2015, 2016 and 2017 have resulted in a kind of tense boredom. Theresa May is difficult to like but has the grim monolithic presence that will see her over the line when up against a Corbyn, a Marmite politician that can inspire hope and disgust in the same moment.

Roll on summer.

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