He Calls Me, "Da-da"

My Story of Becoming a Dad and Looking Up to My Parents

Nearly two years ago, the greatest blessing I’ve ever received suddenly came into my life at Lenox Hill Hospital in New York City. For as long as I live, there will likely never be an experience as vivid, gripping and powerful as when I saw my son for the first time. I wanted to be a father, and by the grace of God, my son gave me that opportunity.

When I hear the word, “parent,” I still think first to my mother and father. I think about the remarkable, loving model they provided for me and my two brothers. I’ve learned so much from them about how to be a loving and caring parent. It’s crazy, but even still, when I hear people call me a, “parent,” it takes a second or two to register with me.

Am I really someone’s Dad? It’s an exhilarating and renewing feeling.

No matter how much you prepare, you’re never really ready to handle every part of the management of another human being’s life; particularly one that is completely dependent on you for survival. And yet, you realize in that moment that it’s not all about you. It’s about trusting in a higher power, as well as your partner (spouse or other parent) and those with whom you entrust the care of your child.

The Gifts of Parenthood

Being a father has strengthened my faith and brought a previously unimaginable amount of love into my life. My wife often tells me how overly affectionate I am with my son. I think to myself: How could I not be?! I concern myself with providing for his needs, showing him all the love I can give and providing an environment where he can learn, be himself and live with joy.

Becoming a parent has made me think less selfishly and more selflessly. I still, however, have to focus on my needs. In order to take care of my son, I need to make sure that I am well and able. I still get tired, sick and angry. Negative emotions seem harder to grapple with when you’re operating on less sleep and increased anxiety.

I try each day to improve at this big ole game called life. I work earnestly to maximize all of my personal and professional time, in order to become the man I’ve always wanted to be. Those things don’t stop or end once you become a parent. If you start to ignore your needs altogether, you’re making a critical mistake.

We should be working to constantly improve ourselves while serving as the architect that designs a structure of growth and love for our children.

As I wrote about in my recent piece on servant leadership, becoming a parent requires us to put our children first, to love them with all of our heart and to expect nothing in return. For at least the first several months, what you will get are some very messy diapers, vomit, and the pleasure of waking up at 3AM. But you’ll also experience love and joy, perhaps like you’ve never experienced.

Love & Fear

Right before my son was born, a very good friend of mine told me about the difficulty of losing sleep and waking up in the middle of the night to tend to his son. My biggest fear in becoming a parent centered around literally one thing: losing sleep. I’m a horrible, woeful wreck of a human being when I don’t get at least seven hours of sleep.

While I knew I wasn’t completely ready to be a parent, I had enough faith and belief in God?—?and my wife?—?that we could do the job and care for our son’s needs. Somehow, despite my fears of losing sleep, I came to crave the time that he’d wake up at 2:30, and I needed to hold him and rock him back to sleep. I felt remarkable moments of peace and love that could never be described in words.

I realized how grateful I was in those moments to have a beautiful, healthy child. Just looking at him was enough to melt my heart and give me true appreciation for the meaning of life.

From time to time, while getting my son ready for daycare, during the midst of rush hour traffic, or as I put him to sleep in the evening, I think about what it must have felt like for my parents to be Mom and Dad for their three children. I value the relationship that I have with my parents?—?as well as with my wife, son and brothers?—?above anything else in this world.

The Gift of Parents

I’ve learned to treasure each moment that I have with them in person, over the phone or FaceTime. I still look up to my parents and come to them constantly for guidance and love. They have instilled values in me that I pour into the work I do and relationships I aim to build each day. Those values come out in my writing and in the “Why” and definition of success that I have for my life.

They’ll always be Mom and Dad to me. And yet once my son arrived, I realized I needed to carry the torch from them, with each passing day, into being the parent to my son that they have been to me. I have the best of both worlds?—?a rich, rewarding relationship with my parents, and a journey to provide my son with all the love and care that I can.

The extraordinarily sad truth is that someday, my mother and father will leave this world. Those days are the two that I look forward to least. I know how crushing they will be. I continue to observe their actions and think of how they raised me. I pass these on to my son and hope that he will grow to be someone who puts others first, loves with all his heart, and gives everything he has toward making the world a better place.

Each day is truly an adventure and one where he seems to say a new word, becomes more self-aware and more affectionate toward me. I want to be there for all the growth, the good times and bad?—?because there will be bad days!?—?and to be the rock of support for him that my Mom and Dad have been for me.

I’m a parent. I’ve learned how powerful the gift of love is; not just to receive but to give to someone else. I try my hardest every day to show my son the same love my parents have shown me. I’m Dad now. Or should I say, from the cherubic lips of a soon-to-be 2-year old, “Da-da.”

Thank you for reading

If you enjoyed reading this, please be so kind as to share with others and recommend my piece. Contact me via my website here. Like my Facebook writer’s page here! And please, share your story of your parents or what it was like to become a parent!

My first book, The Courage to Have Faith in the 21st Century is due out early next year. More details to come!