Is having problems really a problem?

What if the pain comes from the way we think and feel about them rather than from the fact itself?

We call problems those issues we assume we need to solve and that brings us negative feelings when considering taking on them. We find resistance to get started when in front of a 'problem': we don't want to deal with those situations, just because they make us feel bad, hurt us, or take us out of our way, and still, we think we need to do them.

A dictionary would define a "problem" as a situation regarded as unwelcome or harmful and needing to be dealt with and overcome. It could be going to the doctor, whether just for a check-up or maybe for treatment of a serious disease. Or it could be having a discussion we don't like having at work, having to give negative feedback or designing a new program in record time.

We usually give the label of problems to all those situations triggering negative emotions. We pile them up, and we speak as "I have problems to solve."

However, besides critical situations in which our lives seem upside down and our capabilities to support ourselves are compromised, it is more the Thinking "I don't want to deal with this" than the Problem itself that makes us suffer. This doesn't mean that real, hard, and challenging situations don't exist, but that it is usually the focus on the feelings about them that makes those issues hard to chew on.

It's pretty common to find people complaining, often entertainingly, about all the problems they have and how they will (or will not) deal with them. It becomes like something we need to have, and as it is a problem to have problems. But…

• What if we are frequently calling problems to conventional life situations?
• What if those 'problems' are business as usual in living life?
• What if we are creating a heavy burden we don't want to deal with by only calling it that name?

Here is the crucial point: Whether it is just semantics or "real perception" of problems, it is indisputable, from various studies, that: holding on to negative emotions about doing or not doing something, and declaring we have problems to solve, creates stress. Plus, while not all stress is 'bad,' this type is unproductive and disempowering.

We avoid and stress about the feelings, not the situation.

The negative part of what we call 'problems' is the emotion and feeling we imagine we'll encounter when dealing with that situation, more than the condition itself.

When we procrastinate, we do not procrastinate regarding going for a run, writing the presentation, or starting the new business plan; we procrastinate on the emotions that we associate we will experience when doing those things.

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote that we don't choose or control our thoughts or feelings; they pop out in our minds and body, and we decide which ones to entertain. To cut this point straight: There is no such thing as a solution to a feeling; trying to 'solve' feelings is a waste of time and energy. You 'simply' need to experience them.

This realization is crucial; otherwise, you are living the feeling of your thinking, and not the feeling of the world. And the more you entertain the thinking of having problems, the more you detach from the 'real' situation and the real emotions that may create on you.

What's the point of sitting with feelings coming from thoughts we accept to entertain, that we call problems?

Why not doing the very thing right away, without concern for how we feel beforehand, dealing directly with the situation and the 'real' emotions that will come up with it?

OR

Why not Stop entertaining the feelings and thoughts and quit thinking we have a problem altogether?

How liberating could that be?

How cool could it be not to mind the feelings we get and do everything we say we want to do & be regardless of how we feel about it?

You can do it with ease by (truly) understanding this concept:

It's not so much what happens to us as it is what we do with what happens to us that determines our experience.

In summary, what we call problems and the emotions we get towards them are not due to the situation itself, but by the feelings, we connect to dealing with them. Problems have negative sensations associated; contemplating those adverse thoughts and emotions doesn't move us forward, cause us stress, and delay our decision to take action. However, taking action will do two things: Change whatever we were thinking and experiencing because of the thinking AND advance us into improving or resolving the situation

So, maybe… problems could be, not a problem. Or nothing is a problem until we frame it as such and experience the negative thoughts and emotions that come with it". As Albert Einstein said, an intelligent person solves a problem, a wise person avoids it.

How to do it:

1. Eat that frog. As in Brian Tracy's famous book, just do what you feel is the most uncomfortable thing in your day, first. Even if that means that you need to eat a green invertebrate, everything after that will taste better :-). Remember, the thoughts and feeling about doing a thing are thoughts and feelings. It doesn't mean that you don't feel them or that they are not well funded; it means that it is not THE thing, it is your thinking and believing about it. Move on and do the real thing.
2. Change your wording: The problem begins when we feel the burden of something "we have to do". For example: "I have to give that person feedback" or "I have to go to that meeting". It's easy to get plastered with the "I have to" language. Challenge the thought: Maybe you will give feedback, as the manager you always wanted to be. Or you are going to that meeting as part of working out the promotion you dream about. There is always is tweak to move from I should to an authentic I want.
3. Consider if you're using the word "problem" when actually there's something different stopping you: Get clarity on the emotions that arise from that "problem" apprehension, guilt, or fear of failure?. Feel them, do not push them back neither serve them tea. Feel them and move forward from a place of understanding, initiating change rather than remaining stuck in discomfort. It could a non-problem.
4. Am I able at this time? In his book Triggers, Marshall Goldsmith proposed a modernized version of a Buddhist principle: Assessing if we have ALL the resources to impact a given situation positively. Then, if your answer is yes, do it diligently. If your answer is no, be in peace with it, and no more thinking about it. The question used is: Am I willing at this time to make the investment required to make a positive difference on this topic? Yes, do it now. No, be ok with that, and don't think about it.

There's no way to go through life without experiencing negative emotions. But hopefully, you can use the tips above to respond to your 'problems' dealing and putting effort into the "real" situations and not on the shades of your thoughts and feelings. Remember labeling circumstances as problems, will in more or less measure, mislead you of the real thing, and won't move you any forward.

?Good luck :-))