Having kids is a Risk! (Read on, I am sure you will agree)

The longer I recruit within the Risk world, the more I realise how many parallels there are with an Operational Risk Manager and life as a parent. I write this covered in cold, half-chewed spaghetti that has been launched over me. Surely that image is reason enough to read on!

When you are ‘expecting’, you take advice from those who have walked before you and you ensure that you read all of the books (which basically state the obvious – feed them, bath them, clean them, make sure they sleep etc).

But what lots of people don't realise is that by bringing new life into the world, you are actually signing up for a new job. . . . Head of Risk. 

Operational Risk Frameworks / Policies

Whether it’s establishing routines, or boundaries (as they get older), frameworks need to be established. Because otherwise there would be chaos, right? Familiar examples in my house include the classics:

“Don’t hit your sister”

“Please don’t swing from the new TV, it’s not a climbing frame”

“Drinking bath water is not a good idea”

 “Peppa Pig has gone to have a nap, so you can’t watch it (after already watching 8 episodes)”

I mean, I am sure these types of phrases are also common within Risk divisions across the world, but the point stands!

Process mapping

Okay, so our beautiful, bouncing bundle of joy wont sleep. I have on occasion poured orange juice into my bowl of Shreddies instead of milk at breakfast time and I have no idea why. Actually, yes, I do, it’s because we haven’t slept for more than 10 mins in the past 3 months! Somethings not working. We need to look at what’s going on and fix this.  

Let’s look at the variables from start to finish, think it through and make some changes.

Bath + milk + suitable room temperature + Vicks on the bottom of his feet (yep I am not joking) + ‘sounds of the womb’ audio CD + soft lighting = winning (fingers crossed).

Lets test it and see.

Business Continuity Management

Do we have enough nappies? I know we bought what seemed like a dozen packs, but what if we run out at 3am. Then what? Are the nappies the right size? But what if she has a growth spurt, will they still fit? Which late night shops in the local area stocks the ones we use? Do we try different ones?

Takes a lot of exploring, but a plan is needed!

Risk Control Self-Assessments (RCSA’s)

Yep, every department will know about this one. Love it, or hate it, they are super important within the role of a Risk Manager to find out the current state of play and if remediation is required.

Filling in the questionnaire and scoring yourself on efficiency and adherence to what you ‘should be doing’. Parenting = the same.

Filling in the self-assessment form of what your child can or cannot do, in advance of their yearly check up with the health visitor is the parallel here:

“Can your child hold a pencil?”

“Can your child jump with both feet leaving the floor at the same time?”

“If you put a raisin in an empty plastic bottle, does he instinctively turn it over without you telling him, to get the raisin out?”

“Can he solve quadratic equations?” (Okay, maybe not this one, but you get the point)

Listening to the Regulator

I mean this one is pretty obvious. The voice of reason and authority has fully researched into every detail, read every article, consulted a panel of experts and produced a report. Translated to “If I don’t do what my wife tells me to do with the children, there will be a full inquest and I am likely to pay for the consequences.” Apparently, chocolate before bedtime is not acceptable! Who knew?

Key Risk Indicators (KRI’s)

Within any core framework, KRI’s are essential in flagging (with the intent of preventing) major events, before they happen. In my case, when the 4-year-old picks up the 2-year old's favourite ‘Tank Engine’ toy and parades up and down until she has his attention, we know it’s about to kick off.

A swift intervention is required at this point to prevent the upcoming explosion!

IT Controls

Technology is at the root of most business activities. Upgrading your IT systems and ensuring controls are in place is key. In my case, you go out and buy that super expensive Video monitor, to keep an eye on the little one, listing to every breath, ready to jump up at any point. That is until the wonderful piece of technology beeps constantly with ‘no signal’ because the distortion from streaming Netflix is too much for it to handle.

Apparently smashing it with a hammer is not the best resolution plan . . . . according to the ‘Regulator’ anyway. 

Risk Reporting

Collating all the important information for presentation to senior management is a core part of the job. You have tirelessly pulled together all the key elements from various available resources. But with help of a Powerpoint super-user, it looks much more enticing to the audience when it looks like a smiley face, right? Definitely more digestible and likely to get a better reception.

Forward-looking Risk techniques

Striving to be at the cutting edge of risk thinking, coming up with creative concepts and embedding it as part of the norm.

Or in our case, blending up various vegetables and hiding them in a spaghetti sauce, to make sure the kids get some hidden vitamins inside them.

Embedding these things can take time . . . . . as I said at the start, I am currently ‘wearing’ the aforementioned spaghetti sauce.

So there you have it. Congratulations to all of those parental Risk Managers out there. You thought you left your job as soon as you walked out of the office revolving doors. Think again!

Thanks for reading. I am off to have a shower and try and remove sauce stains from my white t-shirt.

Have a great weekend!

Rob

The Risk Partners are a boutique recruiter, with Risk Management at its heart of its activities. We live in a world where Governance steers the world through often challenging times. Our aim is to work closely with both clients and candidates throughout their careers. Please get in touch to discuss how we can help you.