Having That Difficult Conversation in the Workplace

Difficult conversations are part and parcel of being a manager, but unfortunately, they are something many managers do not handle very well.

Some managers put them off out of anxiety - or fear it may jeopardise their relationship with a staff member.

However, having that ‘difficult’ conversation does not always have to be that hard.

The real key is to learn how to handle the conversations so that they produce a better outcome, i.e. with less pain for you, and less pain for the person you are talking to.

Fortunately, it is possible to get what you need from these hard conversations; while also keeping your relationships intact.

It is also important to remember that although most of us have had bad experiences in the past in regard to tough conversations - the answer is to face up to them and not avoid them.

In an article on The Balance website recently, US leadership and management expert Art Petty outlines his suggestions for handling a difficult conversation.

According to Petty, the best way to develop confidence for delivering difficult conversations is to follow a structured process.

With this in mind, he offers the following helpful guidelines:

1.  Plan your conversation

The key to success in having a difficult conversation is to know where you want the conversation to go. A good idea is to write out and practice your planned conversation opener. You can then go on to explain the behaviours in question - and how they relate to the business.

2. Keep feedback current

It is important that as a manager, you ensure your feedback is behavioural, business-focused and timely. In other words, identify any issues quickly - and then raise them with the relevant person.

3. Choose a suitable setting

If the difficult conversation could trigger an emotional response, it is usually best to avoid open-office settings or conference rooms. The best setting is usually a neutral and private room. Also, should you hold any fears of physical reprisal, it may be best to ask your HR representative to be present with you for the meeting.

4. Have the right attitude

When holding a difficult conversation, it is important to be confident, calm and committed to a positive outcome. Be conscious of your tone of voice and body language - and remember to make regular eye contact and be empathetic.

5. Keep control of the conversation

Many well-intentioned managers have found themselves at the wrong end of these conversations! Keep the focus on the participant. The answer is not to get defensive, or allow the conversation to deteriorate into an argument over your performance.

6. Make it a ‘two-way street’

When giving feedback, ensure the other party has the opportunity to respond, where appropriate. In other words, have a discussion not a monologue. Always confirm they understand you correctly - and remember to ask for ideas on how to strengthen or change the behaviours in question.

7. Agree on a plan of action

Once the issue has been discussed and fully explained, work together to define the way forward. Agree on a plan of action, and set a clear date to follow-up and discuss progress. Also, should the difficult issue involve performance or behaviour - it may be wise to ensure there are implications for non-compliance.

 Following these tips is likely to help significantly when handling difficult conversations.

And lastly, by using empathy and offering to assist the person wherever you can, you will ensure good relationships are maintained.