Having the courage to practice curiosity (Inauguration Day and MLK Day edition)

This essay was originally posted on Nov. 12, a week after Election Day and it has been slightly updated for Inauguration Day and Martin Luther King Day, which both take place on Jan. 20 this year.?

I usually refrain from writing about politics publicly, so I’m taking a risk here. Despite my nervousness, I feel called to share my reflections on the presidential election results.

I was reminded how practicing curiosity with those who we disagree with can sometimes be really, really hard. No matter who you supported, there is about a 1 in 2 chance that an American voter didn’t make the same choice as you.?

The person I voted for is not our president. I won’t comment on the candidates, about who should have won, or what the political impact will be.?

Now, I confess, I initially reacted to the election results with anger. “Well, now the country is going to experience how really bad it can get and then the other side will learn.” Then I realized, I don’t want things to get worse. I actually want things to get better, even if that means me being wrong.?

I have gone through the first five stages of grieving, which include denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, and acceptance. This stage of acceptance allows me to approach the results differently than if I were still in denial or anger.?

While I fear many policies that I don’t support will be implemented, what I fear more personally is we will reduce people to the candidate they voted for and we will vilify those who are “on the other side.”

I have friends and relatives who didn't vote the way I did. Who they are as people matters more to me than the vote they cast.?

I don’t mean to minimize the imminent threat many feel with these election results. Nor am I advocating for toxic positivity. When so many things feel outside my control, I focus on what I can control. I choose not to assume people who voted for our president must be racist, sexist, or ignorant. I choose to believe who we vote for reflects our current priorities, through the lens of our lived experience. I choose to be open to learning what others envision for America and how it compares to my own vision.?

If your candidate lost, then you may still be in a stage of grieving, whether that be denial, anger, or sadness. If your candidate won, please be tender to others’ grief. I am now in what grief expert David Kessler describes as the sixth and final stage, “finding meaning.” I trust practicing curiosity with those who voted differently than me helps me make meaning out of this divided world we live in.?

You may not have anyone who voted differently than you who you can trust to talk to, to learn with. My dear friend and fellow curiosity advocate, Monica Guzman , and the organization she works with, Braver Angels , brings people together across the political divide. Check out their work and Monica’s fantastic podcast, A Braver Way.

When, and only when, you’re ready, consider practicing curiosity, especially if it’s really hard. Let me know how it goes.

This essay was originally published in the weekly CuriosityBased newsletter on Nov. 12, 2024 and it’s been revised slightly for this Jan. 20, 2025 release. Read the original version here.

I’m Dr. Julie Pham and I founded CuriosityBased to help people practice curiosity in the world, starting in the workplace, because that is where we spend most of our waking hours. Subscribe to the CuriosityBased YouTube channel and to our weekly newsletter for helpful communication and relationship-building tips.