Having the Courage to Ask for Help

A few weeks ago I watched a thriller series on Netflix, called the Madness, and one of the many things from that show that has stayed with me was the scene between the main character, Muncie, and his daughter, where she reminds Muncie that he is not alone in fighting his battles. Muncie is a self-made man, proud of what he has accomplished, and used to overcoming challenges himself and not burdening his troubles on others, especially the kinds of life and death troubles presented in this TV show. This scene hit me hard, because it reminded me how we constantly mess up as parents, no matter how hard we try, and that we need to find a way to forgive ourselves and our own parents' mistakes. More importantly, this was a reminder for our professional lives of how difficult it can be to admit that we need help when we are in positions of authority and are expected to have all the answers.

Due to the stereotypes common in modern cultures, men are viewed as strong dependable types, where asking for help is seen as weakness. Similarly, for any human in positions of authority, admitting that we do not know something or asking others for help can be viewed as lacking competence or leadership qualities, especially for those of us with imposter syndromes. This difficulty applies just as much, if not more, to the junior and disadvantaged people who might lose even more if their superiors deem them unworthy of their roles.

However, trying to do everything ourselves not only creates terrible mental health strain, but also precludes us from forming stronger connections and relationships with others, and at a professional level reduces our chances of delivering the best solutions. As all the business management studies show, leaders that allow others to challenge their assumptions and to provide insights and guidance make their companies more successful than those who believe they are smarter than everyone else. And if you ever listened to the amazing minds of people like Brené Brown , Simon Sinek , or Adam Grant , you know that being more vulnerable is healing to your soul and always leads to better professional outcomes.

We can also look at how our government functions for examples of good leadership. The President does not know everything about every single topic, or perhaps even a single topic, and relies on key advisors with expertise and trust that they share the President's vision for the country to provide insights on how to best make decisions in those areas in which they are experts. The President often delegates authority to those most competent. Congress is another example. Our Congress has small committees who work on becoming experts in a particular field, at least sufficient enough to pass relevant legislation, but even those committees bring in outside experts to help inform their decisions.

This should be the same way for professional leaders. There are a lot of discussions in our industry on how technical Chief Information Security Officers (CISOs) need to be. Even if CISOs keep many of their technical skills, they cannot be expected to be experts in most, or perhaps any cybersecurity field, especially if they run very large teams. There is simply no time to keep up with all the changes in technology and hacking methods. Yes, CISOs should understand enough technology to process the advice or risks presented to them by their security teams. However, CISOs need to maintain a broader skillset to understand the company's business goals and strategy, and to be able to build relationships across the full organization to help achieve those goals.

Please do not try to be the smartest person in the room.

And if you are a junior professional, do not be afraid to ask for help or admit you do not know something. Present it as a growth opportunity for yourself and the ability to offer diverse and unique perspectives to existing challenges. You should be able to find at least one person on the team you can trust and seek guidance on how to best ask help, if you are not already able to ask your superiors. And if you are one of those superiors, your job is to build a culture of trust where staff can ask for help when they need it and are not afraid to tell you the truth.

Be brave, ask questions, and help others have the courage to learn from you!

p.s. If you want to learn more about mental health challenges and helpful practices in the cybersecurity industry, please come to next week's SecureWorld-Boston event where I will be hosting a panel on Mental Health vs Mental Well-Being and we all get to learn from amazing leaders like Andy Ellis , Ben R Howard , and Kayla Williams .