Have you seen your website lately? It's f*ckin'? awful!

Have you seen your website lately? It's f*ckin' awful!

I love looking at websites, nothing say’s ‘interesting person’ more than looking at someones online presence. Why does that sound rude/weird?


Anyone I meet that has a website gets the same treatment. I like to give it a quick once over and ask what I would do differently, if anything. I do this FOR FUN.


Excellent work if your website is really sexy. Props to you if it uses the right keywords, has the top copywriter and web designer on the job. Ironically some great copywriters and web designers have terrible websites, bit like tradespeople with shitty homes. Too busy sorting everyone else out, meanwhile her indoors is getting really pissed off…

I don’t know what came over me then. I was possessed by both Arthur Daley (look him up) and Ray Winstone (always plays a chubby cockney, see also Sexy Beast, superb film).

Right, let the dog see the rabbit…

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Crappy Websites

You might not know how crappy your website is or perhaps you think that any online piece of real estate is enough, regardless of the quality. A neglected website can do more harm than good. Imagine having a broken, boarded up shop window with dog shit piled high near the door. Puts people off.

First Impressions

I like to make a good first impression don’t you? Then you can slowly reveal your true hideous self…. 

Your website should grab your audience and keep them long enough to take action.

  • Voice/Tone - Sounds like bollocks I know but what do you want people to feel when they visit? Speak directly to them. Please, for the love of Christ stop talking in the third person.
  • User Experience - Is it easy to navigate? Can users find what they need or does it take them an absolute age to get to the thing they want? Like Lucy blindly walking through that wardrobe only to find another land, a fawn and the start of a holy war when all she wanted was some info on the services you offer. 
  • Purpose - What’s it all for? Are you selling something? Be clear on who your audience is and what you’re offering. Clear objectives and solutions if yer please.

Design & Branding

The fun bit! Some of the best sites are simple. That doesn’t mean they don’t look good. You can invest a lot of money in something really amazing but it won't generate anymore traffic.

  • Site Style - If you're a photographer or artist you’ll want a theme that allows you to showcase your images. Grab a one page scrolling site or a standard 'pages' set up. But please not an ‘Enter Here’ site, gawd no.
  • Logo - If you have a business name then you need one. This is basic stuff, people want something to remember your brand by so get on it.
  • Brand Palette - The colours you will use throughout your website and all marketing material. Stick to a few colours that compliment each other. Text on certain backgrounds might not work or can be hard to read. Avoid giving people a migraine or epileptic fit.
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Web Copy

The only thing worse than a shitty looking website is a badly written one. I will never understand why people pay top dollar to have a flashy website only to write the copy themselves.
  • Setting the tone - Your website wording is responsible for the voice of your site. Are you a high end brand, is this for corporate business, are you a hobbyist baker who loves to read about murder in your spare time? What you are selling will inform the copy.
  • Clear Objectives - Make it easy to read and understand. Instead of talking about how great you are make it all about your audience. Humans are selfish especially when we're buying, even your About Page should be about the audience. What utter bastards we are.
  • SEO - Yeah what I know about this subject could be written on a postage stamp with a felt tip pen. Hire someone who knows about keywords, google ranking and the tricks to getting more traffic. Get a blog on your site, Google loves a regularly updated website besides, blogging is fun!
  • Less Is More - Not many like to read huge chunks of text on a site. Break it up with bullet points or separators. Be economic with language and use simple words. I know you yearn to show off your Stephen Fry-esque vocabulary but now is not the time Karen. Ditch the jargon, you sound like an arsehole.
  • Call To Action - Now the user has the reason for their visit they’ll want to know what to do next. Get a CTA button on your home page. It could be a Book A Call button that links to a contact page. If you have information that is heavily text based add a Download button that links to a stunningly produced PDF. 
Call To Action

If you can’t write for shit hire a copywriter, hire one specifically for websites, chances are they’ll know all about the SEO side of things, unlike me.

But What Do I Know?

I have built several websites. My first was really bad. It was the early days of CMS websites and they were clunky and horrible to look at. I am always changing my own website because my business changes and what I thought looked good a month ago doesn’t look good now. I learned through getting it wrong. Thankfully as the platforms improved so did my skills.

What can I help with?

  • Website Audit (£99) - I can take a look at your site and give you my constructive opinion. I’ll send you a report which will include my recommendations.
  • Website Construction - I can assist you with building a Wordpress website. A nice looking, easy to use platform for you and your clients.
  • Design and Branding - as a creative I do love design, form and all that stuff. I can offer my help with your overall site design and I can create logos and marketing material based on your brief.
  • Copywriting - I like to write and I can write in a style befitting your business. If you want to add some personality into your copy then I can do that.

If you'd like to know more then hit the logo below or send me a DM.


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www.thecreativesva.com

Rob Lodge

Helping passionate Directors and Marketers create standout for their brands by providing big agency bang without the big agency buck.

4 年

You put this in such a visually astute way:?"A neglected website is like a shop-front that has a broken, boarded up window with dog shit piled high in the doorway". I hope you don't mind but I may use this when speaking to the large amount of business owners I see every week, who have a challenge seeing the importance of brand generally, let alone the state of their website. Great article.

Fay Brotherhood (FISC4)

Botanist | Artist | Singer/songwriter | RAPID Ecology Surveys, Hundreds of 5* reviews

4 年

#ifeelpersonallyattackedbythisrelatablecontent? haha

Brian Carl Brown

preparing for the future, today

4 年

Excellent post, helpful. Thank you for your time to help us.

Peter Smith

Floor Mats, Door Mats, and more Mats!

4 年

Top advice and exactly what I’m working on with you my website! Take a look if you want! Honest opinion! ?? See if you can spot and dog shit in my door way ? There is a picture of a dog on my home page so it’s not looking good ??

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