Have you received coronavirus business continuation emails, and what do they really mean?

Many businesses have spent the last two weeks sending out emails telling everyone that, thanks to their excellent planning and foresight, they have seamlessly adapted to new ways of working. In an attempt to take a look at the lighter side of things here are some extracts of what people have actually said in emails I have seen…and perhaps what they really meant:

“We are complying with government guidance”.  Wait, there’s yet another news conference at 5:00pm? Not more stuff! And what does it actually mean?  

“Our risk management team has been meeting for some weeks”. This was of course before they knew that there was any risk. Or that they were a team.

“We have a comprehensive business continuity plan”. Which is getting more comprehensive as each hour passes and another page is added to it. Seriously, who saw THIS coming?

“We have had experience of working remotely for some time”. Well, some of us have spent an occasional day working from home. The rest of us started at 9:30am this morning. We have never ALL done it – that would have been crazy.

“We have had a steady investment in technology for some time”. We had bought an occasional new printer and replacement mouse. Investment was stepped up when we went to Currys and bought a load of laptops. That was about 9:00am this morning.    

“We have stopped non-essential business travel”. Yes. All over this one. Er, what was non-essential business travel by the way?

“We now hold meetings by video conference”. They now start half an hour later than they were supposed to by the time we have all logged on successfully. And then there is often someone who doesn’t realise that they can actually be seen by others on the call…   

“We remain fully operational”. Depending of course on your definitions of ‘fully’ and ‘operational’. But yes, we can send emails. 

“We are carrying on business as usual.” Actually we are not. Far from it. We have little idea of what is going on to be honest. But we will send this email to convey that we have everything covered.

“Please reach out to us if you have any queries”. Please don’t.